Role of Fe@r

[Va****]

As a sub I’m curious what a Doms perspective is on the role of fe@r in a dynamic. To clarify, not fe@ring a'buse or vio'lation of safe words or limits. I mean the fe@r that can show up when a sub knows they’ve messed up and there’s a punishment, or they don’t do something out of fe@r.
Some fe@r seems natural and part of the dynamic, when done correctly.
Might not be articulating my thoughts well, but I’m very open to hear what people think (subs too)
Context: I lean on the brat side

[Dreamsnightmares]

It should be a feeling of nervousness and vulnerability and maybe some excitement. *** is probably the wrong word. You should trust me enough to not have any ***.

[no****]

*** of punishment and disappointing your master can be very useful. But I don’t feel that a sub should directly *** their master if that makes sense. During the consequences of their action and ***ing the person or two different things to me.

[gr****]

I don’t like causing *** in my sub. I want her to be excited about being punished or stepping out of line and talking back. Unless we are doing a cnc role play where I chase her through the woods on a dark night. I think there is a time and place for that. I don’t want her scared to get out of line because I want her to. Trust is very important to me with her. I want her to feel safe knowing I’m not going to go past her limits

[Mi****]

Same split for me. If she's scared of me, something's already broken. But the nervous wait before a punishment, that's part of the fun. She knows nothing bad is coming, just not what or when.

Only fe@@r nbsp;I go out of my way to kill is her being scared to tell me things. Everything I run depends on her honesty.

And for the roleplay side, being hunted down in a scene, fe@@r nbsp;is the whole point. One word stops it, that's why it works.

[Deleted Member]

The hardest part for me as a Dom is gaining my partners trust. And watching her punish herself. Or *** to disappoint me. It happens when we are working through some of her less healthy habits that she has asked me for help with. The experience leaves me irritated cause I don’t work off ***. I’m on the reward. For good behavior reward for bad behavior. She gets the reward for good I get the reward for bad behavior. But when there is a genuine *** of disappointing. No one get rewarded. And it’s important that my sub feels supported. And not pushed to enter sub space. Disappointment happens. From both sides. The idea is that there is space to talk about it and work it out. Without *** of each other. Us against the problem. All the time.

[Va****]

Okay- maybe nervousness is the word I was looking for, that seems to fit much better

[cl****]

2 hours ago, VancouverSubbyBrat said:

Okay- maybe nervousness is the word I was looking for, that seems to fit much better

Anxiety and excitement are very similar energies. I wonder if exploring your inner world would help you discern better which one is present for you. 🤔

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, VancouverSubbyBrat said:

Okay- maybe nervousness is the word I was looking for, that seems to fit much better

I think you will find that exploring those with the right partner can be more exhilarating than scary. And the***utic.

[Kh****]

I think we are seeking an altered state, sub space, sensation space, power space, dom space. In my experience there's a *** there when it gets intense. Not of me. But that my monster might eat their tied up virgin. If that makes sense. Might break them.

It's that dance of trust and brinksmanship that is my addiction, my ***, my masterpiece. The sculpting of sensation, ***, pleasure, ***, joy, flying, falling, of evoking vulnerability, and dancing on the brink of disaster. Cutting the line razor thin, thinner and thinner until you can smell madness amd ego death.

And then the sun bursts. Like a solar love bomb. Praise, cuddles, adoration, satiation, warm, safe, held, home. The filled up feeling of honor that someone would trust me so deeply, to fly with me. The wonder that they absorbed so much because I wished them to. The pride in being worthy of such an amazing gift from another human being.

But then it's like I need you to shift, because I'm 54 years old and my hip and/or shoulder are killing me. And some bodily fluid has been manufactured or deposited by one or both of us that has been dripping down the outside of my leg like a wet cold bug running down my body for the last 8 minutes. If I dont address it really soon it is possible that I will literally lose my mind.

Anyway, if both people consent to a healthy dynamic I think it's great. She should *** having to sleep with the 7/11 plastic wrapped pickle tonight. Maybe next time she will remember it is Mr. Greatest Lover Ever after 9:59am and not Sir GLE. Im trying to prevent civilization from descending into chaos here. We need rules. What do you want from me?

[ar****]

I wonder: if some sub has trauma that might be triggered by fe@@r, nbsp;and the Dom can trigger that fe@@r/trauma nbsp;but replace the fe@@red nbsp;sensation with love/pleasure from him instead (plus aftercare ofcourse) , then I think it could end up being the***utic and wholesome. And possibly even diminish the fe@@r nbsp;to something else.

But if the fe@@r nbsp;results in additional trauma, then I doubt that there are any benefits. And I would say the dynamic is toxic.

[Th****]

When done correctly, a dynamic can provide a space for the sub to safely feel fe@@r. nbsp;From a place of trust, they can suspend the knowledge that they are safe, and enter into sub space, where, for the moment, only what is right in front of them is real.
“I know he would never do that….but what if he did?”

[Ne****]

Highly likely a trauma the sub ia working through and seeks a dafe avenue to exploee it with a dom they trust.

Could be cathartic if done right.

[Mo****]

Need my dom, I’m lonely

[gr****]

4 minutes ago, MotherofDragons548 said:

Need my dom, I’m lonely

I hope you find him! Wish I was closer to help you out with that.

[Mo****]

8 minutes ago, green-bay77032 said:

I hope you find him! Wish I was closer to help you out with that.

Thank you, if you were that would have been 🤌🏼

[Yo****]

It depends on the sub. Each one is a little different. Nobody should have genuine fe@r of being ***d in a way they don't consent to, but the fe@r of not knowing what your dom will do in a particular situation can be a big part of the excitement.

If it becomes a repetitive pattern of a brat acting up and the dom punishing accordingly, then the sub is actually in power in the situation. It becomes a fake dialogue of acting up and ritual discipline. In order for a dom to be in complete control, there need to be an aspect of unpredictability in his actions. A sub needs to respect her dom completely, and a little fe@r is part of that.

Edited August 25 by Your8inchfriend

[ia****]

Feeling (f)ear can be fun and exciting for me in a safe and trusted environment. I love the adrenaline and heart racing that can occur from that sort of play. I have not experienced it first hand so I’m only speaking from my imagination and books I’ve read 😭