Pillow Princess Dilemma???

[Deleted Member]

So like, a pillow princess is a bottom. But are they a sub or a dom?

I’m thinking bc it can be powerful to tell someone how you want to be fucked and not return the gratification. On the other hand they can be at the whim of another who’s making all the decisions.

I guess for myself I feel like a mix between the two. Wanting control, and wanting to give up control.

[Br****]

If you are a bottom, that means you prefer to take it .. so with that being said, Id say they are subs

[Deleted Member]

Sub and bottom are not interchangeable. A bottom is the person who takes the physical action and has nothing to do with the actual emotional/ mental power dynamic of the Dom(me)/ sub relationship.
As for the wanting control and wanting to give up control that would make you a Switch where you are either a Domme leaning switch or a sub leaning switch depending on which role you prefer.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for getting it!!! That helps a lot actually. I guess switch is the vibe then

[Th****]

Some bdsm roles are (very) clearly defined. That one is not imo. It's a grey area. Traditional submissive traits like the sub being in service to the dominant or the sub being a pleaser are inverted and taken on by the top partner. Pillow princesses definitely share some traits with (female) dommes. Depends on the individual dynamic/execution.

No wrong answers, but as a Dominant I personally wouldn't date a pillow princess.

[sw****]

Regardless, they're a sadist with how they want you to beat that thang 😂

[Deleted Member]

Pillow princess or not, being a Dom or Sub is purely based on your dynamic with your partner/playmate.

[Re****]

Pillow princess is a lazy partner in my opinion.

[Mr****]

I agree with RedVelvet. I’ve always thought it seemed like a narcissist trying to glam up and normalize selfishness…

[Deleted Member]

Eh, I think there’s a lot of reasons why some might find it empowering to receive pleasure without being expected to give in return. Plus there’s plenty of people out there who enjoy giving solely for the satisfaction of their partner. I think that’s why it’s a dynamic. Not everyone is ok with it, and some want reciprocity. That just means it’s not for you, not that it’s selfish or lazy.

[Bu****]

Lmao @@ the nbsp;people equating “pillow princess” with being “lazy” or “selfish”. Tell me you don’t know what a dynamic is, without telling me. It’s okay to not know something. 🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

Thanks boo! Appreciate your input 💕

[ey****]

5 hours ago, kokol0c0 said:

So like, a pillow princess is a bottom. But are they a sub or a dom?

is a pillow princess necessarily a bottom?

I think one of the issues in generally is sometimes folk go "Is this Dominant or submissive" and it doesn't have to be either.    Or, could depend on a whole other lot of context

If you are directing all the play and not receptive, then it *might* be Domination. Or it might not be. And equally, it might only be Domination for the duration of the sex

If you are not receptive, but the other person is directing (within pre-agreed boundaries) it *might* be submission. Or it might not be. Equally, it might only be submission for the duration of the sex.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, RedVelvet454509 said:

Pillow princess is a lazy partner in my opinion.

It comes from lesbian couples where one partner receives attention and satisfaction without reciprocating so you are 100% correct.

[Em****]

I think it’s unrelated to a dom/sub dynamic

[on****]

Never again, pillows are for sleeping not shagging. If I wanted a pillow princess I'd have ordered a hentai pillow from Japan.

[In****]

Depends on how she wants to play it. If she wants to offer herself to be used. Or she wants to lay down and be taken care of and pampered.

[Em****]

8 hours ago, SirensSorrows said:

It comes from lesbian couples where one partner receives attention and satisfaction without reciprocating so you are 100% correct.

Or those where only one is actually lesbian and the other one is just curious and can’t bring themselves to preform on their partner

[Deleted Member]

I mean even in lesbian relationships there’s stone tops and touch me nots. So it’s not always someone not wanting to perform on their partner, so much as that’s the dynamic they have due to mutual agreements of desire

[Be****]

It’s definitely hot to coach someone through how you want to be fucked, even as you get close to the edge and you’re falling apart, you assume a certain control. I’m a pillow princess for sure, but I’d never count myself as submissive. There’s something fun about taking all the pleasure for yourself and using someone else as a sex toy :p

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, BellePoque said:

It’s definitely hot to coach someone through how you want to be fucked, even as you get close to the edge and you’re falling apart, you assume a certain control. I’m a pillow princess for sure, but I’d never count myself as submissive. There’s something fun about taking all the pleasure for yourself and using someone else as a sex toy :p

Exactlyyyyyyyy you get it

[Be****]

2 minutes ago, kokol0c0 said:

Exactlyyyyyyyy you get it

I see you twin (๑>؂•̀๑)

[Th****]

Several people in this thread are forgetting about negotiation and consent and are applying derogatory vanilla connotations to the label of pillow princess. Contextual meanings of words and terms matter. Here in this space the context is BDSM and kink which means negotiations and consent  something that's been negotiated and consented to isn't selfish. 

Top/bottom and Dom/sub aspects are separate and can be combined (or not) in many different ways. Dominance and submission also are *not* an inherent or required part of kink and bdsm. 

[Mo****]

Be there

[on****]

For the record I DEF don't believe being a pillow princess OR preferring one in bed is inherently, "vanilla" although I do see how it can be perceived as a sort of vanilla kink. I.e. the ☆p*p☆ gets off more by not being reciprocal physically or vis versa