Our First Hunt (feedback please I’m new to this)

[23****]

Our First Hunt

The anticipation started when we agreed on the rules of the game.
Close your eyes when I tell you. Count to 30. Then open. No leaving the island.

Safe word? Pumpernickel.

The suspense began when I picked you up.
You wore all white. I wore all black.

Normally, the drive with you would be anything but quiet. There’d be conversation, teasing, some stupid tangent we’d somehow end up chasing for twenty minutes. But tonight, there was an unusual silence between us. Not uncomfortable. Just… different.
I’d catch glimpses of you looking at me, that look of wonder in your eyes, like I was perfect to you. Eventually, I saw you look away and corrected you with a finger on your cheek, turning your head back toward me.

You understood, and obeyed.
Eyes on me.
Good girl.

And then there was the ribbon in your hair.

Something about it made you look almost impossibly innocent. All white, that little ribbon sitting in your hair, beside me in the car like some beautiful gift, wrapped up just for me.

But tonight, oh, little bunny…
No.
Tonight? Tonight, you were prey.

We parked on a side street just outside the park, away from the lot, where the night patrol wouldn’t see people inside after hours. We got out and started walking.

The same park where, not so long ago, we’d walked together on the night I told you I loved you for the first time. The night you told me you loved me too. That memory came with us onto the island.

Bandana in my pocket. Long black pants. Black hoodie. Everything chosen to disappear into the darkness around us.

You walked beside me, holding my hand, dressed entirely in white.
White dress. White stockings. That cute ribbon in your hair… the picture of innocence.

And me beside you, dressed in black, already beginning to look less like the man who’d picked you up and more like something that belonged to the shadows at the edge of your vision.

As we walked, I gathered sticks. I didn’t care that you saw me doing it.

Actually, I wanted you to.

I wanted every little sound to mean something. Every audible snap of wood. Every rustle in the brush. Every time I stopped to pick something up, I wanted you to wonder why.

“You’re collecting sticks?” you asked.
“Maybe,” I said.
We shared a laugh, but I could see it in your eyes: you were looking forward to this now. We were here. All that stood between us and our spot was a short concrete walk and a bridge.

Eventually, we arrived at the island. Our spot. The water was around us, the trees closing in beyond it, and for a moment, it was just us again.

I turned you toward me and kissed you softly. Sweetly. The same kind of kiss I give you when it’s the last kiss of the night. And then I smiled. “Be right back,” I whispered. And I disappeared into the night.

We’d agreed that I’d walk the island first. Make sure it was safe. Make sure we were alone.
So I walked.

At first, I was still me. Just checking the island. Making sure everything was clear. But somewhere along the way, something changed.

I’d never done this before.
Neither had you.

And yet, as I moved through the trees, my heart began to race. The anticipation wasn’t just for what was going to happen. It was becoming the game itself.

The island stopped looking like the place we’d come to play.

The trees became cover.
The shadows became hiding places.
Every path became a route.
Every sound became information.

That cluster of trees over there… I’d be closer than you thought when you walked by… invisible to you, but through the limbs of its trunk? I’d be watching, able to see all of you clearly.

The picnic shelter… Should I let you see me?
Hear me?
Decisions, decisions…

Somewhere in those trees, the hunter came alive.

When I finally turned back toward where you’d been waiting, I didn’t simply walk back. I settled into the trees. I tried to step as silently as I could on my way back to you.

And then… I saw you. Your white dress through a gap in the leaves.

I stopped. For a moment, I just listened. The island was quiet. And there you were. A flash of white between the darkness and the water.
My prey.

I rustled the trees as I approached. Not enough to reveal myself. Just enough to make you wonder. Then I stepped out. You stood. And you smiled.

The smile on your face looked excited and ready. Eager to be watched, to be followed, to be stalked. Your eyes were locked on mine.

Good girl…
Just like that.
I told you where to stand.
Turn your back toward the path.

And then I lifted my hood. Reached into my pocket. Pulled out the bandana. The moment was here.

One final kiss.

“Close your eyes…” You did.
I tied the bandana around my face.
Leaned close to you.
And whispered into your ear:
“You can’t hide from me…”

And then…
The hunt began.

[Ka****]

I love this ❤️

[ch****]

I pretty much read smut for a living 😆 and this sir is very well written and yea incredibly hot. You were able to write in a way that the reader builds anticipation with you. I think you should totally go full send.

[23****]

3 hours ago, chubiebunie13 said:

I pretty much read smut for a living 😆 and this sir is very well written and yea incredibly hot. You were able to write in a way that the reader builds anticipation with you. I think you should totally go full send.

It’s a real scene too, not just fantasy. What I’m hoping is the suspense built in the moment as well, not just in the written memory.

[an****]

6 hours ago, 23keeper32 said:

It’s a real scene too, not just fantasy. What I’m hoping is the suspense built in the moment as well, not just in the written memory.

This reminds me of a scene I did a long time ago it was our very first scene physical encounter/meeting so we really didn't know each other, we connected online and moved to another app we decided on a hunt, she turned her location on, I turned mine off. We met at night on a public walking trail by the river. I was close enough to follow her to keep her safe yet far enough that she had to question every person she passed or every sound the midnight made. After enough time had passed that her excitement and anxiety were high I started to close the distance. When I got uncomfortably close I let out an audible growl and grabbed her and held her to me. She said it both terrified her and gave her immediate relief knowing she had been caught 🤣 we just sat on a bench and talked for like 3 hours and it was really nice then I ended the night and we went our separate ways. Thank you. Your scene and story telling is wonderful!!!