Conflicting kinks in a relationship. Where do we start?

[Subsonic-6166]

Hey! 
 

My husband and I have had a very mild sexual relationship up until now. I’m trying to ignite a little bit of passion and make things interesting as well as flex some of my sexual interests because I’m not very vanilla generally.

Here’a my problem: it feels like the kinks I have are in direct conflict with his!  An example is I’m a (inexperienced) rigger, but he is claustrophobic. Another example is that he’s very into exhibitionism and I’m very not (though I do try by sending him nudes and stuff when we’re out with people).

I just want to tie someone up or get bossed around and I don’t know if he’s up to it, how can we spice things up when we like such different things?

[ey****]

I think a little - possibly find out what he is into 

there is a good BDSM questionnaire about for couples and what you do is you both fill it in anonymously - it then returns where you both match

could be a good basis of finding where common ground is

[Re****]

As in any relationship there needs to be a level.of give and take. You both need to be happy to try new things together. One way may be for each of you to write 10 things you each want to try on pieces of paper then put them in separate containers.
Each weekend you pull one paper from each container and prior have both agreed to comply with whatever is written on the paper. Eventually you should discover things that you both actually like

[sm****]

The big word is "Communicate" with each other, and find basic mutual foundations both of you can work up from.

Start slow try things you both like or have expressed an interest in, then move on from there, try something one of you are not sure on, as long as it's not one of each others hard limits....you never know till you try and experiment with something new.

eg for me i was always a little phased by electro and needle play but curious...experimented with some simple stuff and then it hit me how much i enjoyed it.

other things i thought i loved, tried and major hard limit hit....what i am getting at communicate and experiment over time.

 

[Deleted Member]

Eyem hit the nail in that one. 
Write what you would like to do even fantasy or anything wild and extreme and one night, open a bottle of wine then compare, talk about it and see where you two would meet up in the middle. 
maybe write it in a A board or similar on the wall, step back and each of you read whats the other wrote on it. Mime it or give an example of the situation. Have a laugh about it, do not be too serious about it.