Give or take

[jinxed]

For some months now I felt like I was wandering blindfolded through life, including my kink life. At the basis of my attempts and choices was a deep yearning that bordered on desperation. I even got to the point where I considered accepting a fantasy as a solution and giving up on actual interaction and touch. Needless to say, it lead to a physical and mental breakdown. Which was when I began to understand that what had driven me all that time was pure and utter need. I wanted to take and take and take some more. It was through (surprise, surprise) spiritual pointers that I finally woke up and started to reflect on my behaviour.

If we were to agree on the rather logical presumption that the intention with which we undertake any endeavor will determine the kind of outcome, then going into a kink connection with need and want will create nothing but more needing and wanting. Looking at my personal experience, I can see that this is true. And that the opposite is true as well. The one dynamic I went into with the intention to make my Dom's life more exciting and to give him back a spark and hope was the one that was a very light-hearted and fulfilling real life kink relationship. We still lived out some extreme deeds, but very rarely with the insatiable escalation that I had experienced with another partner who I only saw as a means to live out my kinks. 

The final realisation came, when I thought about the man I'm talking to right now and found myself wanting to uplift him and bring happiness to his life. And low and behold, he is doing the same for me. Just like that. Without me hoping or asking for it. 

I could stop here and say: That's it, all you need to do is to focus on giving instead of taking and ye shall receive. But there is a crucial addition to this. What holds true for an interaction with another person most likely holds true for our interaction with ourselves. So instead of going over my limits to please my Dom, I'll give myself safety and the guarantee of healthy encounters. Instead of using my body as a resource, I'll add love for this body and its role in the dynamic to the equation. Instead of desperation I'll place abundance at the core of my wish to engage in the connection. And with a bit of luck it will be as magical as I can see it becoming. 

[Si****]

Keep us updated

[Da****]

Nice post 🙂

[an****]

That's beautiful. Everyone, including us, deserves love.

What you wrote matters in relationships. Giving can be deeply fulfilling, but it is different when it is freely chosen.

Submission doesn't have to mean sacrifice, just as dominance doesn't have to mean taking. Preach.

There is room for generosity, trust, and fulfillment on both sides without erasing yourself or the other person. That is a powerful lesson.

I also appreciate your point about giving toward yourself. Love, care, and consideration should not stop at the edge of our dynamics with others.

Everyone deserves love.