In honor of October 💜

[Pr****]

TW: light mentions of 🍇, mental, and physical ***.

The first version of this was mainly curse words and jabs. Several rewrites later, this is what I ended up with.

—————————————————————

The first night we met, I was starstruck by you.

You put your arm around my waist as soon as I walked through the doors, like we were old friends.

I remember being thankful you weren’t nervous.

I probably should have taken that as a sign.

Wait.

Pause.

There were already so many signs I’d willfully ignored.

The first time you messaged me, after we’d both swiped right, you were irritated with me.

I hadn’t seen the notification, and you’d already decided I’d taken too long to reply.

Entitled.

Self-serving.

You were looking for someone.

Someone who wouldn’t immediately block you and move on.

Someone who said they didn’t owe you a reply, but replied anyway.

I apologized. Said I’d try to be more aware.

Back to our first date.

The one you called “meant to be.”
Divine timing.
Whatever other words you used to describe it.

Wrong place.

Wrong time.

You paid for a hotel room so I wouldn’t have to drive home.

Thoughtful.
Sweet.

But I knew what that really meant.

The first time, I consented.

The six times after that, I was asleep.

Hey, do you know what free use is called when you’ve never had a conversation about it or consented to it beforehand?

Just wondering.

Cool.

Sweet.

I liked you.

When I left, I thought that would be the end of our story.

It should have been.

Two months in, you exploded on me for the first time and called me a b1tch.

I didn’t say anything back.

Fast forward.

I sold my childhood home to move to where you were.

You couldn’t possibly come to me, even when I told you how important it was to me.

I’m not sure there was ever a time we were truly happy.

I got pregnant, just like you’d begged me to.

And you were back where we’d met, swiping away mere days after celebrating.

I know what you’re probably thinking.

What does any of this have to do with BDSM?

I’m getting to it.

I was introduced to kink relatively young.

The internet was new, and I probably had a little too much unregulated time on it.

Over the years, I incorporated bits and pieces into my life.

I thought you were going to be the person who officially introduced me to the lifestyle.

These past 72 hours have been eye-opening.

I’ve had so many different conversations.

I’ve seen the shocked looks.
The concerned looks.
The moments where people have had to stop and process what I’m telling them.

And I’m finally starting to understand why.

You are not in the lifestyle.

You’re using it as a very sheer cover for something entirely different.

I couldn’t bring myself to say the word for the longest time.

In reality, one rates emotional or sexual *** any less serious.
And *** disguised as a kink is still ***.

You hadn’t put your hands on me.

Yet.

You saved that special treat for when I’d already moved out.

The bruises.

The ones you said you’d tell the officers were from rough sex.
I didn’t call.

And the worst part?

I still came back.

After everything.
After the things you said.
After the things you did.
After all the times I cried trying to understand how someone who claimed to love me could hurt me so deeply.

I came back because I loved you.
Or maybe I loved the person I thought you were.
The person you let me see.
The person I kept hoping you’d become again.

I can’t deny it was a little exhilarating.
Who would you be today?
The man or the beast?

I should have known a bad thing doesn’t suddenly become good after you return.

How do you share a bed, a home, your body, your secrets, your most *** parts, and still somehow be a stranger to the person sleeping beside you?

You wanted me to play a role I never knew was expected of me.

You label yourself a “dom” and preach the importance of consent and communication.
I wonder if they know you never had a single conversation about any of this with me or that you never sought consent.

You’re telling people to read the book I was reading when we met.
I wonder if they know you never read it.
That you could never take a look at yourself long enough to make a change.

You meet with strangers. You act like you are so sex positive.
I wonder if they know just how many times you have called me a slut.

I wonder if they know that you demanded I have sex with you every night.
Because that was my job.
Even if I didn’t want to.

Soon that was not enough.
You were irritated I wasn’t acting like I enjoyed it enough.
Fake it you said.

Postpartum did not save me from this.
Days after, you said my mouth wasn’t out of service.
I was still expected to perform.

You try to appear so safe with all the beautiful words and faked emotional intelligence.
I wonder if they know it’s all AI.

Sometimes people are real life monsters, disguised as everything you want.

Sometimes they sound gentle.

Sometimes they know exactly what to say.

Sometimes they call themselves safe while teaching you to doubt yourself.

You have to leave.
However many times it takes you.
Before you become a monster too.

Edited October 19 by PrettyVice

[Pr****]

Not to mention this same man wants to be intimate with you and will tell you he loves you. But low and behold, he meets with strangers regularly and also has a whole girlfriend. Run girl. Run..

It’s really amazing what you can discover.

There’s a special place in hell for ***rs, liars, and people that hurt small humans.

Edited October 19 by PrettyVice

[di****]

H e llo

[di****]

Hello

[Se****]

24 minutes ago, dickjaymes44 said:

Hello

The person who wrote this may not say it but it will. For the love of everything holy Read. The. Room. not an appropriate comment to try to get attention on ANY post. DEFINITELY not this one. Please, I’m begging, don’t!

[Se****]

3 hours ago, PrettyVice said:

Not to mention this same man wants to be intimate with you and will tell you he loves you. But low and behold, he meets with strangers regularly and also has a whole girlfriend. Run girl. Run..

It’s really amazing what you can discover.

There’s a special place in hell for ***rs, liars, and people that hurt small humans.

It has been a while since I’ve been properly active on here. I have no desire to be fully active again, this post however I could not scroll past.

I don’t know what exactly to say or how to say it but I am so very, very sorry you experienced this.

There are some truly vile people in this world, you, very, very sadly seem to have met one. I’m beyond horrified at what you’ve written.

I hope, but I’m not sure from the post, that you have some support in place around you and that this person will never be able to get near you again.

I’ve never come across anything this extreme personally, but I am aware of more than one person (first hand and through friends) who has used the title of Dom to hide the reality of ab*ser.

As I said in not on here much these days but my inbox is always open to you should you want/need/desire a friendly ear.

 Please be safe xx

Edited October 20 by SerendipitousKeeper
Spelling

[Ny****]

Hey girl

[lo****]

im sorry this happened to you, im glad you’re sharing your story because we all need to be paying more attention to ***rs in the community who disguise what they do with kink

[Pr****]

1 hour ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

It has been a while since I’ve been properly active on here. I have no desire to be fully active again, this post however I could not scroll past.

I don’t know what exactly to say or how to say it but I am so very, very sorry you experienced this.

There are some truly vile people in this world, you, very, very sadly seem to have met one. I’m beyond horrified at what you’ve written.

I hope, but I’m not sure from the post, that you have some support in place around you and that this person will never be able to get near you again.

I’ve never come across anything this extreme personally, but I am aware of more than one person (first hand and through friends) who has used the title of Dom to hide the reality of ab*ser.

As I said in not on here much these days but my inbox is always open to you should you want/need/desire a friendly ear.

 Please be safe xx

I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and to reply. This isn’t even half of the things that happened. I just didn’t know how to fit them all in.

What’s crazy is I struggled for a long long time in truly grasping the extent of how evil and twisted it all was. Something super messed up would happen and then life would move on as “normal”. No apologies. No changed behavior. Nothing. So it’s truly validating now that I’m sharing my story more openly! I wasn’t crazy for thinking these things were bad. He has such an inflated ego that I’m sure he still believes he is a God among man and did nothing wrong. He still blames every single thing on me.

And now to find out all of these other things on top of it all. He was just texting me saying he loved me a couple days ago and was trying to be intimate but simultaneously actively meeting strangers for hook ups… I am grateful though. I need to see all of it. I no longer feel hurt. I am no longer wasted tears over someone like that. It’s time for healing now 🖤🖤

Thank you.

[Pr****]

51 minutes ago, londongirl72 said:

im sorry this happened to you, im glad you’re sharing your story because we all need to be paying more attention to ***rs in the community who disguise what they do with kink

Literally! I read some of his posts on here and felt so sick to my stomach. He is nothing like he portrays himself to be. At all.

[Pr****]

Also why in the WORLD are guys using this post to say hello. 😒😒

[Deleted Member]

💜

[TDC4goodtimes]

Wow

[mi****]

Hugs for you! You know that half bear hug that puts all the pieces back together for a couple minutes. Yea all of those for you. 💜

[Pr****]

9 minutes ago, misfitmavrik1986 said:

Hugs for you! You know that half bear hug that puts all the pieces back together for a couple minutes. Yea all of those for you. 💜

Aww thank you! I appreciate it 🖤

[mi****]

5 minutes ago, PrettyVice said:

Aww thank you! I appreciate it 🖤

You’re very welcome! You’re a very strong person. Most will never come forward with what happened