For Subs Not Interested in ***d Bi/Cuckolding/Feminisation/Toilet Play/Dirty Body Parts

[Deleted Member]

I have strong issues with this because so many of the profiles online I encounter encourage or worse, expect these things from subs which I'm just not into at all. And worse, a considerable amount of the real Dommes (not scammers) are like this too but they typically have really strict, often bizarre guidelines about "etiquette" and undying devotion towards the Domme even outside of roleplay. Obviously a lot of this is down to the way these women have been treated in the past but the expectations I find strongly unmanageable and over-reactive to the point light flirting or simple, polite questions about the Domme's lifestyle are mistaken for disrespect somehow. I understand that a typical response is to just go to a munch and find out but I'm not really interested in sharing my kinks with strangers most of whom probably follow regular S/D dynamics where the male is dominant and the female is submissive anyway and looking for female dominants online also makes me think that most of the Mistresses you'd find at these events wouldn't be much difficult. Especially since the kinds of Mistresses I've described, looking at their profiles they seem to engage in all kinds of local events and munches compared to the ones that say very little about themselves on their profile but are actually quite nice/chatty if you get their attention somehow.

I also noticed that events for single males have very harsh expectations, probably because of the behaviours of single males that previously attended said events. But they are stringent to the point that if a few people have a complaint about you you get chucked out even though it could just be from chinese whispers or a simple misunderstanding. Most of the femdom events especially seem to be centred around degrading the male submissives, including the ones in relationships with acts like cuckolding and ***d bi which I would personally feel really undignified and revolting to participate in. In addition there seems to be a surprising amount of male submissives who maybe enjoy this sort of thing but may also have some kind of Stockholme syndrome and just put up with the continual mistreatment of them in the femdom community which seems to overwhelmingly demand male submissives just put up with this kind of poor treatment but overall seem to be very liberal and politically correct when it comes to female submissives.

 

N.b. I'm not disrespecting genuinely people interested in the above kinks or type of practices mentioned or seem to get off from it nor those who indulge others such desires from a position of warmth and compassion.

[ey****]

I'm going to be honest

I've never in all my years had this problem

Of course, Dominants (like submissives) have their likes and preferences and if the two don't align it's simply not a match

The same for any form of etiquette, protocol, etc if what somebody expects is not what interests you - then, it's not a match

But, like I say in all my years I've come across one, just one, Dominant who has done the "if you want to be my sub you HAVE to do this thing for me" thing - no one else I've ever been involved with to any degree has had insistence of things that would be my limits.

 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm going to be honest

I've never in all my years had this problem

Of course, Dominants (like submissives) have their likes and preferences and if the two don't align it's simply not a match

The same for any form of etiquette, protocol, etc if what somebody expects is not what interests you - then, it's not a match

But, like I say in all my years I've come across one, just one, Dominant who has done the "if you want to be my sub you HAVE to do this thing for me" thing - no one else I've ever been involved with to any degree has had insistence of things that would be my limits.

 

I am in part venting about the mostly absence of situations encountered where my preferences aligned with the Domme. Some of the ***d etiquette and protocol that some Dommes write about what they expect just seems to me frankly bizarre and undesirable. The real life kink community seem to en*** these standards which is a big part of what puts me off getting involved in events and munches that I've observed.

[ey****]

4 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

The real life kink community seem to en*** these standards which is a big part of what puts me off getting involved in events and munches that I've observed.

But that's an assumption you've made without ever attending.  

Some people are big on protocol, some aren't.  It's another kinda criteria that will see whether you can work or not

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

But that's an assumption you've made without ever attending.  

Some people are big on protocol, some aren't.  It's another kinda criteria that will see whether you can work or not

Well that's my point, I'm put off attending because I don't want to experience anything negative based off what I've observed and experienced online, I just wouldn't feel comfortable to put myself in that situation.

[Deleted Member]

I agree sites full of delusional women. It's the case of I want I want I want nobody unless they are desperate are going to follow this bs. Majority of people on here have failed loads of relationships the other half are hookers. Lady's lower your expectations as you will be on here till you're dust

[Du****]

1 hour ago, footguy2021 said:

I agree sites full of delusional women. It's the case of I want I want I want nobody unless they are desperate are going to follow this bs. Majority of people on here have failed loads of relationships the other half are hookers. Lady's lower your expectations as you will be on here till you're dust

One could not lower one’s expectations far enough for you to be able to meet them. Your choice of language shows you do not belong in a safe and respectful community. Reported.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, footguy2021 said:

Lady's lower your expectations as you will be on here till you're dust

So you're looking for a Goddess

but one with low standards ?!

[ey****]

Honestly. I don't get how any of this is fucking difficult

If someone has kinks that don't match yours - you're not a match

If someone has kinks that DO match yours but have protocol or other expectations that do not interest you - you are not a match

If someone has standards you do not currently meet, then either you are not a match, or you need to raise your game : the expectation should never be for someone to lower their standards 

You can't judge public events if you've never been to them - but - yeah, if they don't sound for you : don't go.   But what is your strategy?  Beyond sitting on the internet hoping there'll be someone with matching kinks and low taste comes along, what are you even doing to try to achieve what you want?

It's easier to ***t "all women" as being delusional, or wanting *** or blah blah - when the single point of all your failures is, ultimately, you.  

And I know it can be tough finding people who are a match, who you are compatible with, who you align with - but sitting around hoping for the best isn't going to get you what you want 

[Deleted Member]

Just now, eyemblacksheep said:

Honestly. I don't get how any of this is fucking difficult

If someone has kinks that don't match yours - you're not a match

If someone has kinks that DO match yours but have protocol or other expectations that do not interest you - you are not a match

If someone has standards you do not currently meet, then either you are not a match, or you need to raise your game : the expectation should never be for someone to lower their standards 

You can't judge public events if you've never been to them - but - yeah, if they don't sound for you : don't go.   But what is your strategy?  Beyond sitting on the internet hoping there'll be someone with matching kinks and low taste comes along, what are you even doing to try to achieve what you want?

[...]

And I know it can be tough finding people who are a match, who you are compatible with, who you align with - but sitting around hoping for the best isn't going to get you what you want 

I've ignored you're 6th line as that is not a point I am personally striving to represent.

To the rest of it, all I have to say is that life is often more complicated than what you can categorise in such a way as you are trying to "simplify".

[ey****]

To spin the other boot

If a guy has a fetish, or fantasy, then this might be something important to his relationship.   Whilst there are, of course, dangers with leading with a fetish - certainly you could see why a guy might have certain things important to them.   But then when women display fetishes or fantasies, somehow this is seen to be threatening ?

Like. I get life is complex and difficult - but, I dunno... a lot of men in particular consider themselves submissive but yet still complain when they don't get their own way?

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

To spin the other boot

If a guy has a fetish, or fantasy, then this might be something important to his relationship.   Whilst there are, of course, dangers with leading with a fetish - certainly you could see why a guy might have certain things important to them.   But then when women display fetishes or fantasies, somehow this is seen to be threatening ?

Like. I get life is complex and difficult - but, I dunno... a lot of men in particular consider themselves submissive but yet still complain when they don't get their own way?

If you've had more positive experiences with dating then of course you would believe such things. It's impractical to think about taking the path with many hills when you live in the Netherlands and you only have to cycle on flat terrain. That's why feminist men with dating success often repeat things like "you're not entitled to anything", "you need to agree with women about how dating should be", "you need to acknowledge how things are for the other sex" and so on because they don't need to expend much energy on hills that present various complications to the straight and narrow path they're used to.

[Du****]

26 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

If you've had more positive experiences with dating then of course you would believe such things. It's impractical to think about taking the path with many hills when you live in the Netherlands and you only have to cycle on flat terrain. That's why feminist men with dating success often repeat things like "you're not entitled to anything", "you need to agree with women about how dating should be", "you need to acknowledge how things are for the other sex" and so on because they don't need to expend much energy on hills that present various complications to the straight and narrow path they're used to.

You’re starting to sound as though you need to take a break from trying, because you are not ready. No-one of any gender or orientation is ‘entitled’ to the time and attention of another soul just because they wish it. A man does not need to be “successful at dating” to know this - although quel surprise, chances are he’s a good deal more likely to be compatible with the partners in whom he’s interested. How about that…

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

You’re starting to sound as though you need to take a break from trying, because you are not ready. No-one of any gender or orientation is ‘entitled’ to the time and attention of another soul just because they wish it. A man does not need to be “successful at dating” to know this - although quel surprise, chances are he’s a good deal more likely to be compatible with the partners in whom he’s interested. How about that…

Thanks for your concern but I would know if I was ready and "entitle", "deserve" etc. are words with more subtle meanings to me than most others. Simply put I don't think you understand my perspective because you haven't been there. Thir*** years ago, my perspective was exactly the same as eyemblacksheeps so you really don't know me is all I can say.

[Du****]

2 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

Thanks for your concern but I would know if I was ready and "entitle", "deserve" etc. are words with more subtle meanings to me than most others. Simply put I don't think you understand my perspective because you haven't been there. Thir*** years ago, my perspective was exactly the same as eyemblacksheeps so you really don't know me is all I can say.

And you absolutely do not know me or my experience either, or you wouldn’t come out with that.

[ey****]

I'd love to say things have been straight and easy for me.  For sure.

But, like I've had my ups and downs and problems.  I've had periods where I felt like my  involvement in kink is as a spectator - or times where I've felt I'm fringe player on a substitutes bench, that someone might give me a run out when they feel sorry for me, or because they want to save their preferred players

Even before that - prekink - I had moments where I just felt I couldn't get a break.  I've been through the ringer where I thought that I could be the right person if "only someone would give me a chance"

I've been there.

And I've come out the other end.

And this is why I say some of this - because I've been there.  

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

And you absolutely do not know me or my experience either, or you wouldn’t come out with that.

I do not know you which is why I have not said anything about you. In that respect, I find your comment bizarre.

 

2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'd love to say things have been straight and easy for me.  For sure.

But, like I've had my ups and downs and problems.  I've had periods where I felt like my  involvement in kink is as a spectator - or times where I've felt I'm fringe player on a substitutes bench, that someone might give me a run out when they feel sorry for me, or because they want to save their preferred players

Even before that - prekink - I had moments where I just felt I couldn't get a break.  I've been through the ringer where I thought that I could be the right person if "only someone would give me a chance"

I'm never going to realise my full potential so everything I say is very accurate in terms of my own experience. Scorpions don't cross the river like frogs do. That's the reason why I find your comments on subjects like these naive because of course you're going to have had a different experience so of course you get the luxury of being p.c. about it. Everyone would make *** ethically and be good to each other too if success came about too easily. It doesn't though, that's why we have drug dealers and stock markets more prominent in society than organic farms and ecology preservation co-operatives.

[ey****]

2 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

That's the reason why I find your comments on subjects like these naive because of course you're going to have had a different experience so of course you get the luxury of being p.c. about it.

but my experiences haven't always been positive.  I wish things were as easy for me as you seem to think

But, I guess - ultimately

What was the point of your original post?  What did you want to achieve? What were you setting out?  

[Deleted Member]

Just now, eyemblacksheep said:

but my experiences haven't always been positive.  I wish things were as easy for me as you seem to think

But, I guess - ultimately

What was the point of your original post?  What did you want to achieve? What were you setting out?  

To share my experience as people naturally do when they converse - both good and bad.

[Ae****]

I'm sorry about your experience. Doesn't sound fun 😞

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Aeonova said:

I'm sorry about your experience. Doesn't sound fun 😞

Tbh this is all I need to hear, not the rest of the bs.

[Ae****]

1 minute ago, BlushingFlush said:

Tbh this is all I need to hear, not the rest of the bs.

That's exactly what I was thinking 😕 Some threads on this site are so sad and frustrating to read through.

[ge****]

Being totally honest here OP - your original post and subsequent responses read the same as 1000s of other guys on sites like this that have too high an expectation set.

Yes, there will be people who make demands that don't align with your own limits and boundaries - but then you have a choice, you either compromise and accept their likes, or you move on to try and find someone more aligned to what you are looking for - no end of moaning about those you aren't a good match for is going to change their view or what they are hoping to find.

In over 25 years of having an interest in this lifestyle I've had very limited "physical" experience of what it offers - and that's partly down to not finding people who are a good match for me - and I totally accept that - it's not their fault, nor is it mine - just as it's not the fault of the people *you* are not matched with, nor is it yours - it just is what it is, that's the nature of relationships the world over, not just kink ones, the key is compatability and if you're not finding that, there's no point in stressing over it - as I said you have a choice you either accept or move on.

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

In over 25 years of having an interest in this lifestyle I've had very limited "physical" experience of what it offers

Then quit defending the other argument, think about your own side for a change.

[Du****]

24 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

Then quit defending the other argument, think about your own side for a change.

So everyone who isn’t getting what they want should change their ways - except you? Can you see how you could learn from this, instead of listening to the one voice that agreed with you?