Ki**** Posted 21 hours ago Random one, but I'm autistic and ADHD, and I've been thinking about how that shapes how I experience this stuff. My autistic side wants comfort, predictability, and familiarity. My ADHD side wants novelty, thrill, and unhinged chaos. They actually work together: having that solid, comfortable baseline is what lets the unhinged fun happen in the first place. When things are too rigid or mechanical, I lose interest. Everyone is worried about "imperfections", and that takes something out of it. Running the perfect script, being completely fine-tuned into their "role" - it takes the humanness out of it. I had a moment once where something stupid happened mid-sex. An inside joke got blurted while she was riding me. We both broke and started cracking up, then came straight back into it, and it hit way harder than before. Like your attention switches to the joke momentarily, then comes straight back to the moment you're in, and you suddenly notice it all over again and think, "fuck...". It was unpolished, completely "off-script," and that’s what made it amazing. Even if deep, dark, intense, and erotic is the flavor of the day, in the end, it’s still fun and games. I wonder if there's a similar tendency in how people approach dynamics in the scene. And I'm not talking about having kinks, preferences, fetishes or knowing what you're into. It's more the extent to which the entirety of the dynamic can seem predetermined in advance, almost like there's a ***fully specific template for the dynamic and you're looking for a body who fits into it the most seamlessly. There's a difference between living exclusively in a fantasy in your head, and meeting someone in the real world, getting to know them and inviting each other into your fantasies. One seems to start and end with the fantasy itself, whereas the other leaves room for two people to bring their own personalities, desires and ideas into something they're creating together. I find the former difficult to relate to. It's completely internal. It feels like there's a whole human element missing from the equation. We're people doing people things, after all. Curious what unmasking looks like for others. Has dropping the script ever made things better or worse for you?
St**** Posted 19 hours ago I am learning how to unmask in person. I find it hard during intimacy. I am currently learning how to use cyberfun to practice unmasking for sexy fun.
da**** Posted 19 hours ago Things are better when I go off script and follow the sensations, feedback and feelings. But you’ve gotta have a system when it’s a new dynamic to explore so I’ll accept a bit of structure until I can improvise in that field. It’s still a blend of a script and two people being people. There’s nothing attractive about perfection. The devils in the detail, as is the pleasure. Those human moments, awkward or confident, are where the real beauty lies.
Li**** Posted 18 hours ago You've got to break and have a laugh. Feeling freedom within each other, it makes things better. We're human and should act like it. Things don't need to be perfect, it just needs to BE. Taken as is. Laugh, cry, emotions etc. It's beautiful
dt**** Posted 17 hours ago First off kudos to you for getting laid these days. Secondly I was diagnosed 12 months ago at 39 with AuDHD it's really funny because I got out of a relationship 12 months ago. Went about 8 months before I found anyone and it was literally the worst sexual experience of my life, some it was nothing like I was used to. We stayed friends and eventually tried again one night after a few pops and it was better, but I ended up laughing like you mentioned mostly nerves but me and my ex wife (20+ year relationship) used to laugh all the time when we smashed .. I guess I was just more comfortable then. Anyways you reminded me of this story. As for unmasking, every time I do I get hurt worse than the last. That's more of a slight on me though because it often comes off when I go into rescuer mode.
Th**** Posted 17 hours ago 4 hours ago, KinkyGentleman00 said: I wonder if there's a similar tendency in how people approach dynamics in the scene. And I'm not talking about having kinks, preferences, fetishes or knowing what you're into. It's more the extent to which the entirety of the dynamic can seem predetermined in advance, almost like there's a ***fully specific template for the dynamic and you're looking for a body who fits into it the most seamlessly. I see people trying to approach things in this way quite a lot and really it's not the way to go about it. The successful fulfilling dynamics i've observed all have the foundation of being whole, real people with one another. Dynamics are relationships first, whether it be a friendship or romantic relationship. 4 hours ago, KinkyGentleman00 said: There's a difference between living exclusively in a fantasy in your head, and meeting someone in the real world, getting to know them and inviting each other into your fantasies. One seems to start and end with the fantasy itself, whereas the other leaves room for two people to bring their own personalities, desires and ideas into something they're creating together. I find the former difficult to relate to. It's completely internal. It feels like there's a whole human element missing from the equation. We're people doing people things, after all. I run into a frustrating number of people who really seem ti struggle with understanding and separating fantasy from what's realistic and practical. It often seems to end up being self defeating because they're only setting themselves up for disappointment and failure. This isn't to say that all fantasies are unrealistic some absolutely are. I don't see what you're describing in this post as being an unmasking thing necessarily as I see neurotypicals trying to do the impersonal fantasy script thing all the time. Hopefully this is reasonably coherent, it's very early and I'm not fully awake yet. I might add more later when i'm fully conscious.
ra**** Posted 14 hours ago I don’t like doing anything these days that feels performative. I get 96 kid free hours a month and the last thing I want to do is spend it with someone who expects me to play some kind of a role to fulfill their fantasies 😒 I’m an overwhelmed, under appreciated single mom of 3, two of which have special needs, so if I wasn’t able to find some humor in most situations, I’d probably have to take a permanent vacation to Grippy Sock Island. I kinda feel like if you’re not laughing at some point, you’ve never really experienced amazing sex before 😂 One time when I was on top, I suddenly remembered a TikTok I saw where someone was joking about her brother with Down syndrome pretending to be *** to get out of doing his chores and I burst out laughing. I grabbed my phone, found the video, showed it to my lil stinkalink at the time, but somehow managed not to break my rhythm at all 💪 We had a good laugh, tossed the phone aside and just went on about our business 🍆🐱💦 Ah, good times 🫠 Scolding myself for momentarily considering sending him a “hey, stranger” text…. 🤦🏻♀️ To each their own, but l the only way to get out of my own head is to feel comfortable enough with someone to completely unmask, knowing that person doesn’t want or expect me to put on a performance to make THEM comfortable. I crave the “structure” of knowing that even if the interactions aren’t consistent, the person I’m with will consistently show up as themselves. Some guys seem to be running of some script they saw when they were watching porn or have some idea of what a woman expects them to say or do in a power exchange dynamic. But when things don’t just flow naturally, my 🐱 senses the vibes are off and then my brain starts overthinking about what they expect me to say or do in response 😂 You can’t *** chemistry and for me, that takes being with someone who is just as comfortable being themselves as I am.
Li**** Posted 6 hours ago I'm not in a dynamic currently but I'm not sure how well a script of sorts would work for me. I need the human level you speak on. Otherwise I can't connect. I think this moment sounds beautiful you both had and is well described. Moments like this make it easier to trust and bond with someone.
Sw**** Posted 1 hour ago Though I have ADHD too. I find people that drop the script make it much more exciting. There’s just something about someone who can think on their toes and that adds fuel to my flame. I love a challenge. The journey is just as rewarding as the destination.
Recommended Posts