How Did You Know What Kind of Dom or Sub You Actually Are?

[re****]

I’m curious about the moment (or process) that made people realize their specific style.
For the subs:
What happened that made you realize you were a brat, a service sub, a little, a slave, a prey, etc.? What experience or feeling clicked and made you go “oh… that’s me”?
For the Doms:
How did you figure out you were a Daddy Dom, a Sadist, a Master, a Brat Tamer, a Primal Dom, etc. instead of one of the others? What made it clear?
And for everyone:
What’s one thing you enjoy most about your role?
What does your Dom/sub do (or what dynamic) that really hits for you?
Drop your role and your story. The more specific, the better — this is for education and real talk.

[Br****]

Imna switch... but Im exploring my sub side. I took a test online to see where I align and it seemed to match pretty good. Im a nurturing sub apparently lol. The explanation is on my profile in my pics.

[Ra****]

For me, I identify as a service submissive, and a brat and I have little tendencies. I am a people pleaser and I like to do acts of kindness for others. I am a playful brat at times, but I'm mostly a good girl. My brattiness is teasing, malicious compliance. As far as my little tendencies I like to have a daddy Dominant take care of me in these *** times like snacks watch shows etc(it's not age regression) I knew I was a submissive back in 2014 when I knew something in my life was missing and I approached it first from a psychological perspective. I currently do not have a Dominant. I am exploring more into my role and what I like and my limits and enjoying the local community.

[Me****]

Ive always suspected I was a sub. And in the last 5 years its very apparent as I’ve learned more about what makes my brain tick and why. Only recently did I learn I’m of the little/pet variety. And I think this is heavily influenced by my cPTSD and neurodivergence. Growing up in a way that has me wrestling with the desire to be cared for and cherished and unconditionally loved but fighting the belief I’m not allowed to want that or deserve it. That it’s selfish of me. Let alone not having my wants, ideas, and choices encouraged or nurtured, it’s VERY hard to feel confident in leading and initiating. There’s a pillow princess side that just wants others to make all the choices while having my best interest at heart and treated like I am the most precious person alive.

Those are things I’ve noticed around my sub mindset and it takes a patient and understanding person to become that dom and safe space for my libido and desire to really kick in. I’m always grateful for thedoms who e come into my world and have what I consider patience of a saint because often I feel difficult to navigate.

Anyways, i feel like i might be rambling now… but a few other notes on my sub experience:

My brattiness is more playful as part of my brain feels the need to be silly or break the seriousness of the scene. I Also think the Pathological Demand Avoidance I have plays a role in it. Needing to be defiant to regain some autonomy even though I’m trying so hard to give it up.

And a few years ago, I experienced a joy in topping my first dom. I think part of it was the reaction and ease they could cum. The pleasure they felt at my hands. Like I’ve pleasured people before and enjoyed the reactions, but it was intoxicating how responsive they were and I loved being their good girl and making them cum. It felt so weird how powerful I felt. I have yet to feel that way again and I suspect it was a bit of chemistry that unlocked that switch side of me.

[cellofello]

I've been primarily a male rope bunny/bondage slut since about age 4, and yes it was absolutely sexual. I rolled myself up in my blanket and rubbed off. I didn't know the words back then, but when I saw the terms I knew what fit my kink to a T. Around 1970 I was wandering around the Loop in Chicago, and saw a bookstore. I was a geeky kid, loved to read, and I went in to check it out.

Well, let's just say it wasn't like any bookstore I had been in before. Why they didn't chuck me out in the first 30 seconds, I don't know - I was a runty kid, and looked even younger than my actual 15. But I saw the big rack of magazines with tied up scantily-to-not-at-all-dressed women (and the small one with tied up men) and realized, "Oh, hey, I'm not the only one."

When I got old enough to have willing sexual partners, I found that I did enjoy the role of pleasure top with a partner who enjoys the bottom role. I'm not really into the giving orders thing, or DD/LG, but I love making a bound partner moan with pleasure and need. If being spanked or flogged contributes to that, I'm down for it. There are limits to how rough I'm willing to get. I've seen extreme masochists having things done to them that I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do. However, I've never had a partner who was that extreme.

[re****]

1 hour ago, BrattyMiddle420 said:

Imna switch... but Im exploring my sub side. I took a test online to see where I align and it seemed to match pretty good. Im a nurturing sub apparently lol. The explanation is on my profile in my pics.

Can you share which test you took, the most descriptive and accurate that I have seen is at BDSMTEST.org. They have the “quick test” and the “long test”. Just curious if there are any better ones out there?

[re****]

50 minutes ago, RareButterfly said:

For me, I identify as a service submissive, and a brat and I have little tendencies. I am a people pleaser and I like to do acts of kindness for others. I am a playful brat at times, but I'm mostly a good girl. My brattiness is teasing, malicious compliance. As far as my little tendencies I like to have a daddy Dominant take care of me in these *** times like snacks watch shows etc(it's not age regression) I knew I was a submissive back in 2014 when I knew something in my life was missing and I approached it first from a psychological perspective. I currently do not have a Dominant. I am exploring more into my role and what I like and my limits and enjoying the local community.

This is excellent, thank you for sharing. Do you mind sharing some of your “malicious compliance” examples? I’ve always said Brat Handlers/Tamers are a rare breed. I have never experienced a true “Brat” I can only imagine my sadism coming out a lot more in public!🤣🤣😂 I appreciate your response.

[re****]

52 minutes ago, MerB34r said:

Ive always suspected I was a sub. And in the last 5 years its very apparent as I’ve learned more about what makes my brain tick and why. Only recently did I learn I’m of the little/pet variety. And I think this is heavily influenced by my cPTSD and neurodivergence. Growing up in a way that has me wrestling with the desire to be cared for and cherished and unconditionally loved but fighting the belief I’m not allowed to want that or deserve it. That it’s selfish of me. Let alone not having my wants, ideas, and choices encouraged or nurtured, it’s VERY hard to feel confident in leading and initiating. There’s a pillow princess side that just wants others to make all the choices while having my best interest at heart and treated like I am the most precious person alive.

Those are things I’ve noticed around my sub mindset and it takes a patient and understanding person to become that dom and safe space for my libido and desire to really kick in. I’m always grateful for thedoms who e come into my world and have what I consider patience of a saint because often I feel difficult to navigate.

Anyways, i feel like i might be rambling now… but a few other notes on my sub experience:

My brattiness is more playful as part of my brain feels the need to be silly or break the seriousness of the scene. I Also think the Pathological Demand Avoidance I have plays a role in it. Needing to be defiant to regain some autonomy even though I’m trying so hard to give it up.

And a few years ago, I experienced a joy in topping my first dom. I think part of it was the reaction and ease they could cum. The pleasure they felt at my hands. Like I’ve pleasured people before and enjoyed the reactions, but it was intoxicating how responsive they were and I loved being their good girl and making them cum. It felt so weird how powerful I felt. I have yet to feel that way again and I suspect it was a bit of chemistry that unlocked that switch side of me.

This is such a good view into your ways and why you choose what you do. Thanks for sharing. I have allowed my sub to top me once or twice, the look of excitement on her face was enough to make me cum. It’s so important in my opinion to remind our subs that they are capable of doing things that we (Doms) normally don’t think about letting happen. It was an experience both her n I will always remember….
That said, I did have to put her back in place the next session because she decided to bring it up and try to remind me how fast she was able to get me off.
Only took one reminder and a swift hand.

[re****]

44 minutes ago, cellofello said:

I've been primarily a male rope bunny/bondage slut since about age 4, and yes it was absolutely sexual. I rolled myself up in my blanket and rubbed off. I didn't know the words back then, but when I saw the terms I knew what fit my kink to a T. Around 1970 I was wandering around the Loop in Chicago, and saw a bookstore. I was a geeky kid, loved to read, and I went in to check it out.

Well, let's just say it wasn't like any bookstore I had been in before. Why they didn't chuck me out in the first 30 seconds, I don't know - I was a runty kid, and looked even younger than my actual 15. But I saw the big rack of magazines with tied up scantily-to-not-at-all-dressed women (and the small one with tied up men) and realized, "Oh, hey, I'm not the only one."

When I got old enough to have willing sexual partners, I found that I did enjoy the role of pleasure top with a partner who enjoys the bottom role. I'm not really into the giving orders thing, or DD/LG, but I love making a bound partner moan with pleasure and need. If being spanked or flogged contributes to that, I'm down for it. There are limits to how rough I'm willing to get. I've seen extreme masochists having things done to them that I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do. However, I've never had a partner who was that extreme.

This really intrigues me, the sense of being wrapped up and tangled in a sheet since that young. Thank you for sharing. As a rope bunny, are you any good with knots? Ever tried to restrain or tie yourself up at all? I completely understand the intensity of a sadist with their masochist dynamic. I am pretty confident that out of all dynamics the S/M dynamic requires the most ability of body and mind reading capability. I have never been in a situation yet that got “out of hand” there was one time I had stopped and helped my sub get out of her sub space and begin after care.
The next day she went through a Sub Drop, First time I ever personally experienced it.

[Br****]

1 hour ago, redbound said:

Can you share which test you took, the most descriptive and accurate that I have seen is at BDSMTEST.org. They have the “quick test” and the “long test”. Just curious if there are any better ones out there?

Sure! It was here... hope the link shows up...

https://brainwashingacademy.com/personality-tests/submissive-type/

[pa****]

Thank you for this topic. I know I’m a sub in general. I’m trying to figure out the specifics and it’s been very hard. For me being a sub encompasses both sexual and non sexual aspects but I seem to find people who are only interested in the sexual aspects generally speaking.

[re****]

6 minutes ago, pandorahopes said:

Thank you for this topic. I know I’m a sub in general. I’m trying to figure out the specifics and it’s been very hard. For me being a sub encompasses both sexual and non sexual aspects but I seem to find people who are only interested in the sexual aspects generally speaking.

That was the purpose of this discussion. So many “new people” are interested in this lifestyle, I think it’s very important for those people to truly understand what to look for, what to watch out for. It’s so much more than choking someone during sex. When done properly with the right partner, the connection, feel for safety, security, is the most beneficial thing one could truly find.

A great site to help you become more familiar and confident with your style. BDSMtest.org
Take the long test, once you get results it has little circles question marks which will give you information about every topic, role etc.

[Ra****]

Not a problem. One Malicious complainace example would be for instance, a Dominant asking their submissive for a glass of water and the submissive would bring them a glass of ice and tell the Dominant they have to wait for the ice to melt. Or if the Dominant told the submissive to fold the clothes in the dryer, the submissive would fold the clothes in the actual dryer. They technically did the task but in their own way. The only way around this is to be super specific 😂😂. I've never dealt with a sadist before, that would be an experience.

[re****]

10 minutes ago, RareButterfly said:

Not a problem. One Malicious complainace example would be for instance, a Dominant asking their submissive for a glass of water and the submissive would bring them a glass of ice and tell the Dominant they have to wait for the ice to melt. Or if the Dominant told the submissive to fold the clothes in the dryer, the submissive would fold the clothes in the actual dryer. They technically did the task but in their own way. The only way around this is to be super specific 😂😂. I've never dealt with a sadist before, that would be an experience.

Lmfao…. See I’m laughing because it’s not happening to me…. I would’ve seen the clothes folded in the actual dryer and I would have ***d you to bend over, head into the dryer, arms behind your back as I had my way.. as for the water…. Well, it’s better than cupping water and bringing to me!😂

[Ra****]

16 minutes ago, redbound said:

Lmfao…. See I’m laughing because it’s not happening to me…. I would’ve seen the clothes folded in the actual dryer and I would have ***d you to bend over, head into the dryer, arms behind your back as I had my way.. as for the water…. Well, it’s better than cupping water and bringing to me!😂

😂I would've said, Sorry.. not sorry. 😂 oh I didn't think about the cupping water! Unfortunately I think brats get a bad reputation. We never brat without consent and we are respectful. Unfortunately not everyone follows this. Me personally I would never brat to someone who isn't my Dominant and we have established boundaries and consent.

[Iz****]

I’ve figured out that I’m a soft dom bottom. I enjoy the romantic, gentle side of sex. A big turn on is that I enjoy a partner, preferably a man, who is willing to top me while also being eager to listen to my commands. Giving praise and showing all of my love to someone while being called ma’am or mistress is just so fulfilling. And seeing the desire and affection in one’s eyes is absolute bliss. Knowing that I can feel safe and in charge while also feeling good is why I love being who I am.

[re****]

14 minutes ago, IzumiWolf said:

I’ve figured out that I’m a soft dom bottom. I enjoy the romantic, gentle side of sex. A big turn on is that I enjoy a partner, preferably a man, who is willing to top me while also being eager to listen to my commands. Giving praise and showing all of my love to someone while being called ma’am or mistress is just so fulfilling. And seeing the desire and affection in one’s eyes is absolute bliss. Knowing that I can feel safe and in charge while also feeling good is why I love being who I am.

This is beautiful. It’s so amazing hearing about so many different types of doms, and how each style is so satisfying to different people. Thank you for sharing

[cellofello]

@redbound I have done some self bondage on my legs, "western" rather than shibari, and gagged myself. I haven't tried to do my hands/arms as I've read about others doing. But it's so much more fun when someone else puts me into something I really can't get out of without help.

There was a time I went to Paddles in NY and took a pretty heavy flogging/paddling that left my butt very bruised. It was far more intense than anything I've experienced before or since. The top was very good at reading me and bringing me just up to where I thought I'd safeword, then easing off enough to let me get ready for a new push. (After the top released me from the post, another woman said, "You ain't no wuss.") Afterward, I think I actually might have been in mild shock - I was shivering intensely. But I was able to snap out of it pretty much just by realizing what was happening. I did not need aftercare, either immediate or delayed.

[Mi****]

Honestly, it is ever evolving. I was a Switch for the longest time. But once I found someone that really wanted me to take the lead, to allow them to relinquish control, I really enjoyed watching them let go and experiencing them get into the singular event, watching them react. It's like playing an instrument. I am a caring person and I am always a gentleman by default, being a soft dom and service too came naturally. But I am discovering a wider spectrum now.

[lo****]

I am a bratty masochist thru and thru. I bite tease run away don't listen but also do a very good job if I just get grabed by my hair and for.ced on my knees. I do like loving and after care and I'm not always a nightmare but I want my consequences 😈. That's why me and pleasure/soft doms have beef cuz not enough sadism usually lolol

Idky I'm this way and it makes finding a partner kinda hard cuz they never wanna give as hard as I need and in turn makes me difficult to handle.

All those "tamers" can kiss my shiny metal azz😘😂

[re****]

2 minutes ago, lovekillsslowly said:

I am a bratty masochist thru and thru. I bite tease run away don't listen but also do a very good job if I just get grabed by my hair and for.ced on my knees. I do like loving and after care and I'm not always a nightmare but I want my consequences 😈. That's why me and pleasure/soft doms have beef cuz not enough sadism usually lolol

Idky I'm this way and it makes finding a partner kinda hard cuz they never wanna give as hard as I need and in turn makes me difficult to handle.

All those "tamers" can kiss my shiny metal azz😘😂

Well,, hmm hmm, you got a dom now? If your looking I know a guy I’d introduce you to… 😏🖤🖤

[lo****]

Just now, redbound said:

Well,, hmm hmm, you got a dom now? If your looking I know a guy I’d introduce you to… 😏🖤🖤

I've never had one😭😭 just some fkin fakes

[re****]

12 minutes ago, lovekillsslowly said:

I've never had one😭😭 just some fkin fakes

Say what??? Ermagerd…. I’d like to message you if you don’t mind?

[lo****]

Just now, redbound said:

Say what??? Ermagerd…. I’d like to message you if you don’t mind?

Yessir😜

[re****]

2 minutes ago, lovekillsslowly said:

Yessir😜

Message filter is not allowing me. 🙄. I smell punishment!!😈