Another " On Line " Mistress bites the dust...

[Ninepointer]

... Are any of you real? I'm beginning to think not.
I'm inexperienced, maybe naive, but sincerely wanting to find that real relationship.
Findom is nothing but a scam, after a year of honest searching, and an embarrassing amount of *** sent to people claiming to be different, not a single one has done more than make grand promises, and manufacture B.S. excuses.
What am I doing that puts a bullseye on me?
I'm ready to give up, not trusting anyone anymore... Is there not one honest Domme in the world?

[OlivierChester]

Hi Ninepointer, avoid any Domme asking for *** as scam or not, it is not a good start for a relationship. If possible go to some munch where you may be able to meet real Domme. Dont give up... the right one is not too far.

[Vi****]

I'm sad to read this 😔 people, I cannot abide game players, unless in a consensual relationship. Why can't people be upfront and cut out the bullshit. Definitely don't send any *** ninepointer those people especially are out for themselves.

[ge****]

As the old saying goes "if it seems to good to be true then it usually is too good to be true" - sadly sites like this will always attract their fair share of those out to make *** from the easily deceived and desperate, and I'm sorry it's happened to you OP.

There are however plenty of genuine people who aren't out to take you for a ride, but like with anything it takes time and patience to find them.

Start from a position of the only person you can truly trust 100% on-line being yourself, use your instincts and stay true to your own values and if someone asks you for ***, or to sign up for a paid site, then see it as a red flag and, if you must, proceed with caution - explain to them you don't wish to part with any *** but are happy to continue getting to know them through this site which is free, the vast majority will move on to the next person, and those that do hang around will usually show their true colours eventually.

Personally I would never hand over a penny to anyone that asked and would probably cut communication there and then if they do.

The other option of course, if you're happy to do so, is pay for the services of a professional where you know they are genuine and usually don't have to pay them a penny until actually in their presence, or if you do it's a small deposit to show them you are genuine.

Beyond that it comes down to building relationships, and through that trust and respect, with people to the point that you know, or have a very good idea, they are who they say they are. That takes time and patience and won't happen immediately but ultimately will be far more fruitful.

Get along to munches and kink events where you can meet people too - they're a great way to get introductions and put yourself across without the risks of on-line interactions.

[Vi****]

Well unless there a professional dom your paying for I guess.

[ey****]

So - simply put.

If you are paying as part of a relationship dynamic you should expect that to be ongoing.

Generally a lot of the "online Findom" people do not meet (except in rare/exceptional circumstances) because the fantasy they often sell is that they are unobtainable.

If they are saying they will meet or promising the earth with no logical progression of how this is triggered, then chances are you're just paying a guy in Nigeria who is catfishing you.

The bullseye is one you've potentially placed on yourself if you've fallen for one, if they've passed you round a suckers list.   

---

There's nothing wrong with online findom (particularly if you are certain on who you are talking to) or any other pay-for services.

But, like, if you go to your favourite restaurant each month then they will still keep charging you for the food.

[ge****]

Actually having thought about this some more - it's not clear if FinDom is what you are looking for OP? If it is then eyem makes a lot of very good points.

Or are you using the FinDom term to cover those that are out to scam generally when you are actually looking for something that is not FinDom? In which case my original answer applies.

[Mr-Brown]

Always gonna get problems when ***s involved! Shouldn't be allowed really.

Edited November 27, 2021 by Mr-Brown

[ey****]

there's a piece of slang I heard recently that I'd, somehow, never heard before

It's called "A trick"

And "a trick" is slang for a client who has tricked themself into believing they are in a relationship with the person they are paying.

Generally, the ladies will often get rid of these clients.
On one hand - they may be a regular payer and the one thing better than a big payer is a regular payer.

But on another hand.

The trick might have already started boundary pushing to one degree or another. Potentially wanting more from the person and/or paying less for the time they're already giving.

But even aside from this it gets into a kinda moral headache because they then know they are taking *** from you and can never give you what you actually want.

---
A lot might come down to the context of whether this is what has happened or not.

But, yeah.  I've met ladies who have had these kinda headaches and sometimes even had to let good payers go, because they'd never be able to give them what they truly wanted.

[we****]

I don’t know if you have changed your profile because if you experiences, but as a ‘real’ female Dom, I do not read your interest in finding that kind of dynamic. I would not have approached you with a dominant energy given what you wrote. Perhaps an option could be to be open about your needs so genuine women who may be a good partner for you can make an informed decision about how to interact with you? Good luck, I hope you find who you are looking for x

[Deleted Member]

I feel where you're coming from. Luckily I haven't sent much to these scammers, but I am thinking there's not very many dommes on here that are looking for anything more than a quick buck

[Mz****]

51 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

I don’t know if you have changed your profile because if you experiences, but as a ‘real’ female Dom, I do not read your interest in finding that kind of dynamic. I would not have approached you with a dominant energy given what you wrote. Perhaps an option could be to be open about your needs so genuine women who may be a good partner for you can make an informed decision about how to interact with you? Good luck, I hope you find who you are looking for x

Couldn't agree more..I was looking for a submissive partner for a very long time..even if I were on the same continent as the OP, the profile definitely doesn't even hint at an interest in Dominant women..in fact quite the opposite..and were I to receive a message from a similar profile when I was single the contradictions would have signalled red flags and I wouldnt have replied.  Smacks of wanting ProDomme services from a Lifestyle Domme.

[we****]

22 minutes ago, MzJax said:

Couldn't agree more..I was looking for a submissive partner for a very long time..even if I were on the same continent as the OP, the profile definitely doesn't even hint at an interest in Dominant women..in fact quite the opposite..and were I to receive a message from a similar profile when I was single the contradictions would have signalled red flags and I wouldnt have replied.  Smacks of wanting ProDomme services from a Lifestyle Domme.

Very well put. I don’t know this guy, I’m sure he is a nice man. But I can see why genuine female Dom’s are not engaging after looking at his profile. It’s difficult to be really honest in a profile, and sometimes you are looking for one specific aspect of your needs to be met. But I don’t get feeling resentful if you are not being clear about what you want x

[ge****]

4 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

Very well put. I don’t know this guy, I’m sure he is a nice man. But I can see why genuine female Dom’s are not engaging after looking at his profile. It’s difficult to be really honest in a profile, and sometimes you are looking for one specific aspect of your needs to be met. But I don’t get feeling resentful if you are not being clear about what you want x

Do you know, I'd not looked at the profile when I posted previously, but having done so I can see exactly what you mean as it currently stands - and being honest even if it's been changed since it will have gone from one extreme to another

[we****]

7 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Do you know, I'd not looked at the profile when I posted previously, but having done so I can see exactly what you mean as it currently stands - and being honest even if it's been changed since it will have gone from one extreme to another

It’s hard to be honest in a profile but unless you are you don’t have much chance of finding who you need x

[ge****]

2 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

It’s hard to be honest in a profile but unless you are you don’t have much chance of finding who you need x

Precisely that - and to be honest it's not that hard to get across who you are and what you're looking for with a bit of thought - doesn't even have to be blatant

[ey****]

I do often think some men sometimes create some of their own problems.

That they will message someone and then the person sees their profile and post history and just goes "OK, no...."

or that they really haven't got a grasp on kink and it's going to be labour for people to really help them out, when they're not helping themselves.

Or they subscribe too much to a fantasy world which often makes them the perfect mark for some of the scammers, because all they have to do is offer them what they want...

[we****]

36 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I do often think some men sometimes create some of their own problems.

That they will message someone and then the person sees their profile and post history and just goes "OK, no...."

or that they really haven't got a grasp on kink and it's going to be labour for people to really help them out, when they're not helping themselves.

Or they subscribe too much to a fantasy world which often makes them the perfect mark for some of the scammers, because all they have to do is offer them what they want...

I think woman are just as *** to this as men. I remember hearing a pair of tried a talking about how to write dating profile to ‘hook’ a man. Sometimes the hardest person to be honest with is ourselves

[ey****]

I've posted before that while men moan most about scammers - in general, women are scammed out of more in dating scams : it's just a different structure. Nobody is immune.

But particularly on fetish sites - there are standard structures used to bait 

I think a lot of men sometimes feel frustated because - as MzJax says above - they effectively want Pro Domme services without paying for it

Or, also, they want exactly what the scammer is offering, except without it being a scam

And this falls flat in finding a partner due to this, largely, not being how relationships work

[Spex65]

All I want is to be part of the lifestyle but been scammed twice so far but I hope to find a real Mistress one day but there's only so much shit anyone can take

[ge****]

5 hours ago, Spex65 said:

All I want is to be part of the lifestyle but been scammed twice so far but I hope to find a real Mistress one day but there's only so much shit anyone can take

Sorry to hear you've been "scammed" - never a pleasant experience however it came about , although you have everything within your power to prevent it happening again and to potentially find what you're looking for.

Make it a rule never to hand over *** to someone on-line, including signing up for pay sites they suggest unless you are 100% sure they are genuine and their reasons for the payment are genuine too - any doubt whatsoever then walk away.

Remember at all times that if it seems too good to be true, it usually is.

Make it clear and detailed in your profile what you are about and what you are looking for - profiles that simply say things like "looking for a Mistress" and not a lot more are going to attract attention from the wrong kind of people and have the opposite effect on the right kind.

Find ways other than blindly messaging other profiles to get to know people, get involved in the forums or chat rooms here, or find a local munch or kink event to get along to - they're all great ways of getting to know people, and allowing them to get to know you in a safe environment where you're unlikely to be taken for a ride.

So don't give up, think about what you can change to protect yourself and improve your chances of finding what you want from the lifestyle.

[Ardenb]

I think most of these men fall pray to scammers is because there expectation from these online Doms are extremely high. because they want these females to constantly be coming up with ideas. Humiliating scenarios, stories, videos, sending feet pics, or any other media. to fulfill there kinks to make them feel good inside they often get to relieve themselves based on the conversation or activity happening online. however the mistress Interacting with you online isn’t receiving much out of the relationship. Me being a dominant myself I get satisfaction from the devotion and total adoration I receive from my subs them doing anything to gain my approval is a turn on. Their screams of pure pleasure; while I *** or degrade or humiliate them. Gives me my release, and I’m actually doing things to them so that helps. However this Obviously varies from dom to dom everyone gets gratification in different ways however that’s what I gain from my session with my subs. this is why I’m a strong promoter of on one on one sessions with your dom. Because in these session you serve the mistress one way or the other by either serving in a domestic capacity or a sexual capacity and she provides a reward for your services however online the mistress gets no gratification so that were I feel *** or gifts come In to play. to show your appreciation for the time being invested In you by your online mistress . while I do know there are scammers I do think when the activities are online 9/10 the dom will want *** or gifts. Soo maybe look for a local mistress you can explore the lifestyles with. And I’m sure *** won’t be too much of a problem.

[Cimky]

My point of view might not want to be heard by the writer aswel as some of the other players on here but here it go's anyway

1st things 1st, Domme and a Findom is two different roles completely same as not every Dominant is a Sadist.

Not every Domme is a Findom and not every findom is a domme. If you pay attention you will notice that I have changed the caps to lower case on the last set and the reason for that is that there is as much wannebe doms, dommes, ***......... as there is subs.

If she upfront told you that you will be paying tribute then dont complain about it you where told such.
If she ask upfront she is looking for a "cashpig, piggybank, atm,......." anything in that region then be sure she is a findom

For us as Domme's the playing field is just as frustrating male subs are by far the biggest group under the umbrella and also the most entitled group very very frustrating.

But to get the actual problem here is that I dont see any negotiations happening everyone wants to jump straight into play.

if you spend time talking to the other party about more then your dick then you might not run into so many disappointments. Know your limits and your needs before you start hunting and then remember that no real Domme likes being hunted so give her a reason to notice you be different from every other fool and you will be pleasantly surprised.

[Hal727]

Make it plain in your profile, right from the beginning, that you don’t send *** to anyone you have never met. Then, if you still hear from those asking for *** up front and sight unseen, turn it around on them. Scam the scammer so to speak. Tell them a hard luck story and ask if they can send you something via PayPal or Cash app. If you have some time on your hands it can be quite entertaining. And OMG, the pool of scammers is never ending.
Also, many of the scammers are males using some pretty girl’s pictures. So, if you sense that this is the case, insult their manhood.

[FETMOD-KF]

5 minutes ago, Hal727 said:

Make it plain in your profile, right from the beginning, that you don’t send *** to anyone you have never met. Then, if you still hear from those asking for *** up front and sight unseen, turn it around on them. Scam the scammer so to speak. Tell them a hard luck story and ask if they can send you something via PayPal or Cash app. If you have some time on your hands it can be quite entertaining. And OMG, the pool of scammers is never ending.
Also, many of the scammers are males using some pretty girl’s pictures. So, if you sense that this is the case, insult their manhood.

Please don't do any of this.

If someone comes into your inbox and is trying to take you off-site, or asking for *** then report them and stop engaging with them.  Let support deal with it.  

Unless you are actively booking someone (the people with a € on their profile) then asking for, or offering, *** is against the site rules.