Jealousy in Dom/Sub relationship

[Deleted Member]

Hey all, I wanted to hear people's thoughts, opinions or even experiences of their partner being jealous and or possessive when in a monogamous Dom/Sub relationship? What I mean by this is, general innocent interactions with people of the other sex outwith the scene, either a friend, neighbour or even a shop assistant.
Would people accept their partner either the Dom or Sub of the relationship being extremely jealous and accusing of things that weren't going on?
For me this lifestyle has a huge element of trust involved especially depending on your kinks.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post and look forward to hearing any thoughts or experiences you may have.😁

[Deleted Member]

I would find it difficult to be in any relationship that does not have a solid base of trust, sub/dom is an extension of that. I would be disappointed if my dom did not trust me without question, since the very nature of the relationship demands complete trust. I would expect my dom to never demand more than I could give, and always have my emotional and physical wellbeing at the forefront of every decision.

[ge****]

Firstly I don't think being dominant or submissive comes into the equation for this - it's a question more about relationships in general regardless of any dynamic at play.

Secondly the answer may depend on what you mean by "general innocent interations"? What one person may see as "general" and "innocent" may be "gratuitous and unnecessary flirting" in the eyes of another and not necessarily jealousy at all. So it's important to understand individual definitions and nuances.

That said extreme jealousy or insecurity can be a terrible thing, but perhaps the answer lies with why someone feels that way - have they been cheated on, or treated badly in the past for instance?

So it's not so much would I "accept" it (regardless of the dynamic) as how much I could "understand" it, and find reason to either accept it, or decide I could not.

As for trust, or course that comes into any relationship, but trust is built over time and not automatically given, and can just as easily be taken away, so again comes back to understanding why someone is feeling jealous or insecure in the first place - and any answers being dependent on that.

[Deleted Member]

Don't think this really has anything to do with dom/sub but your partners insecurities in general, maybe they've been cheated on in the past or grew up in a home where their was cheating or just a jealous behaviour & your partner has picked this up from learned behaviour.

There is usually some form of trigger there in a jealous partners past than gives them the negative thoughts, that makes them jealous & possessive, having the mind set that their partner is going to do something, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but they have a belief system that eventually their partner will cheat & the accusations can often be to get you to admit it & prove them right in their belief system,that you will & have cheated.

They can often believe the intent idls there, even if you've never given them any cause to have those thoughts & innocent situations, because of the negative mindset, can often seem far from innocent, that touch of a hand when you pass someone a drink, an arm round the shoulder of someone when your messing about, even just looking at someone who kse & thinking to yourself those shoes are nice they'd look good on my partner can be seen as ogling someone.

You have to find the trigger, the cause of their negative mindset, to be able to work through the issue but it's having the right knowledge to work on those issues & often that's best left up to the professionals to work with, most likely using Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, challenging the negative thoughts, questioning them & getting the person to try to see that their negative thoughts are just that, thoughts & because we believe something to be true doesn't always make it true.

[Nylon-Nellie]

Without me sounding stupid, can you give us an example or two of 'general innocent interactions'? Trust is earnt and not freely earnt. I would consider myself a jealous person, as I too read far too much into a innocent touch of the hand, long lingering looks between a Dom and a female, etc. This is because my past experience has involved men cheating on me and trust issues. So for me, it will be a case of the Dom being mindful of my triggers, being respectful of them and listen to my past experiences.

[Deleted Member]

I totally agree that all relationships need to have trust and more but I feel its more so in any type of kink relationship as you are putting so much trust into a person and sharing your deepest, darkest desires. Thngs that in the mainstream are not accepted by a lot of society as to be normal behaviour.
Imagine for instance in a breakup say compromising pictures or videos were leaked or shared without consent. I know this type of thing happens regardless of the type of relationship but for myself I feel there is more of an element of trust required due to the nature of kink and how society can be towards things that they think are weird or disgusting/degrading in their views.
As you all may have gathered I am asking for input due to my own experiences from a partner whom I was very much in love with and devoted too. Her being the Sub Nd me the Dom.
Ufortunately things came to a point that no matter what I did or tried to do made no difference and was just becoming to toxic to carry on so I had to pull the plug (not the butt plug either😉😂lol)
Yes a lot of what has been said in responses may be down to perhaps past relationships which I completely understood, appreciated and tried to show how much love and loyalty I had for them.
When I say innocent interactions, examples would be, general passing conversations say with a cashier at a supermarket about the weather or how busy the place was, saying hello to neighbours in the street, general how are things going FB messages from longterm friends to mention a few and being ***d to either delete friends or not talk to people became to much.There seemed to be a lot of double standards where it was ok for them to get messages which were definitely of a flirting nature.
From experiencefrom the past a lot of times if a person is constantly accusing someone of something a lot of times its a guilty conscience.
The only way I could describe how it felt is that they wanted to be conpletely dominated in the bedroom, but when it came to the relationship, they wanted to be in control.
I was just really interested to see if anyone else had experience of anything like this and I really appreciate the comments people have put up and I thank you all for taking the time to respond.

[ge****]

And sometimes, as in your instance, no matter what you do or say, another person's jealousy and insecurities will always rise - and it then comes down to a choice between staying or going, neither of which is wrong under the circumstances, you ultimately have to make the best choice for you, and it sounds like you did.

Best thing you can do is put it behind you, learn any lessons to be learned from the experience and use them to make you more aware moving forwards.

[Nylon-Nellie]

@coco74Jealousy can either consume a person or the person can take hold of it and deal with it. By communicating such between two people, it will give the partner an insight into the mindset of her being jealous.

Ah, those sort of interactions. For me, these are considered as 'passing the time of day' interactions. 

Only the lowest of the low would do this with compromising photos/videos. Simple rule of thumb is not to send any whatsoever. With regards to the Dom being trusted with such photos/videos, I for one wouldn't trust a Dom with such, no matter how much I trust him.

Relationships are a funny old thing, they either work or not. Deal with the past relationship, learn from it and move on.

 

 

Edited January 8, 2022 by Nylon-Nellie

[Deleted Member]

Friday at 07:17 PM, gemini_man said:

And sometimes, as in your instance, no matter what you do or say, another person's jealousy and insecurities will always rise - and it then comes down to a choice between staying or going, neither of which is wrong under the circumstances, you ultimately have to make the best choice for you, and it sounds like you did.

Best thing you can do is put it behind you, learn any lessons to be learned from the experience and use them to make you more aware moving forwards.

🙄

[Deleted Member]

Don’t bring me in to your ridiculousness

[Deleted Member]

So uninterested in the cliques, thank you!

[Deleted Member]

Monday at 11:17 PM, naughtynat said:

Don’t bring me in to your ridiculousness

Sorry but have I missed something in your replies?😬🤔😳

[Deleted Member]

Apologies. No. I’m not even sure how I get linked in to some of these discussions when I try to avoid them! It’s certainly nothing you said at all. I’m just not interested in the cliques. I’m trying to lay low 😌 Otherwise if I breathe I’m in the wrong 😂 I hope you’re getting some good, informative advice on your subject. All the best 😊

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, naughtynat said:

Apologies. No. I’m not even sure how I get linked in to some of these discussions when I try to avoid them! It’s certainly nothing you said at all. I’m just not interested in the cliques. I’m trying to lay low 😌 Otherwise if I breathe I’m in the wrong 😂 I hope you’re getting some good, informative advice on your subject. All the best 😊

Ah, no dramas. I didn't understand as you had put an emoji up 4 months ago and then the other two comments appeared yesterday so I was puzzled as to why or if I had missed something.😁
It was more people's experiences than advice, but yes I was given some good advice and insight from others.
All the best to you as well👍😁☺️😝

[Deleted Member]

Yes. I wondered where that emoji came from it was that long ago 🤷🏼‍♀️ and I’ve been off site for a while. I definitely don’t want drama’s that’s for sure…lol. Impartiality is a bit hit and miss on here…So yes, good luck, stay safe and take care 👍🏻😜😊

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, naughtynat said:

Yes. I wondered where that emoji came from it was that long ago 🤷🏼‍♀️ and I’ve been off site for a while. I definitely don’t want drama’s that’s for sure…lol. Impartiality is a bit hit and miss on here…So yes, good luck, stay safe and take care 👍🏻😜😊

All pretty much miss, so far.lol
Good luck to you as well and keep it kinky😉😁😂