Announcing vulnerablity and fear and those who prey on it

[SammyB]

As someone who is kicking around the lifestyle over a very long period .. dinosaur lol I have noticed huge changes 

I understand as a community we have grown and developed and on a whole far more open than previous decades which is a positive 

However  I have seen a trend recently where new people entering the lifestyle both young and old …  make open announcements in forums and statements on their status about how vulnerable or scared or how much they are anxious about exploring the community and lifestyle 

My question is to everyone is what’s your thoughts about the  pro and cons of doing this taking into account currently there are many fakes and those who like to prey on both sides of the coin 

Is this dangerous ? 
Are people leaving themselves at risk ?

 

Sx 

 

 

[MsDrawers]

A bit of both I think. It is a risk, sure, but theirs to take, and what it does also do is bring those behaviours a little more in to the light. I responded to a young, female submissive on here last night who is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the testosterone. She asked for women to respond to her. I have huge respect for her for doing that, but am also heartened by her belief it was likely women would respond in solidarity. We are safer in groups. We are safer when we discuss predatory behaviours out in the open and when we create conditions where people feel confident they will receive support. On balance then, a positive but not one without risks. Truth is, they're vulnerable anyway, but seeking guidance can rally the community. It's a mistake to think any of us are immune from those risks too.

[ol****]

In a nutshell, Yes.

I think for all newbies the better tactic when they join is to say little and explore a lot.

After a reasonable period this should give an idea of the pitfalls, how to block muppets, set filters and all of those other good things.

Like it or not this site and the forum and the community have more than our fair share of stalkers looking to prey on the vunerable.  Perhaps there should be more info on the joining page?

Edited February 3, 2022 by oldfellow

[ge****]

I think it's a trend not only in the lifestyle, but life in general to be more open and honest about ourselves, our vulnerabilities, perceived shortcomings etc - and personally I think on the whole it's a good thing.
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Yes there are dangers with being so open and honest and having those things exploited, but through being able to be open publically strength can be gained from the support of others, and help and advice given about how to avoid those out to exploit.
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Sometimes too just being able to verbalise our own perceived takes on ourselves can in itself be a source of strength, kind of "I recognise this about myself but I'm trying to do something about it"
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So on balance I'm all for it, and accept the associated risks personally.

[sm****]

Iv'e seen people "TOO" open and seen the wolves prowling about to take advantage a bit like white knighting.  

Then how can some newbies learn if not informed or someone with good intentions taking them aside and  informing them, it's a CATCH 22 situation.

I know when i first entered the scene i was damn lucky to be taken under the wing of a Switch couple, who gently pointed out some of the things i was open about could and would be used against me by others.

Remember the big wide vanilla world can crucify you for being to open and indiscreet.  

We have to admit we are not this Utopian society because we all say we are open and honest, we have a lot of r/l predators users and fake lifestylers...who tarnish the reputation of the many.

I see some get shot down in flames instead of being taken aside and given some understanding and pointing out that they are new and need to sit back, watch and listen over time and ask questions if they are uncertain, don't give out too much personal information to the kink internet!

 

[ey****]

I think it's a weird one in the sense that we're a lifestyle / scene / community / etc based on honesty - but - some kinda confessions (nervous / anxious / etc) are seen as weakness.

I think of course it advertises naivety or vulnerability which attracts all sorts of different types of vultures 

But, I've also seen people kinda 'Mother Hen' these folk also for whatever reason - which then means saying you're nervous can be a form of baiting.

The amount of times you'll see someone, usually a guy, who wants to go to a munch but is nervous so wants to meet someone ahead of the munch to attend with together, but this person has to be of the gender they find attractive... boom, date by stealth. 

[MommyDomme84]

A trend I have been seeing lately is 18-year-old boys calling themselves "Master" and wanting to learn how to Dom by getting an inexperienced submissive. This is scary and dangerous.

[Aquarius_Dom]

Generation X doesn’t have the patience of those that have gone before ! 
They have grown up in a world of insta everything from streaming anything that piques their interest  to jumping into “Hi - tie - flog - fuck - bye “ kink?
However as they are more aware of their emotions and vulnerabilities , which they are more than happy to share  regardless of the consequences!  It leaves them totally unable to defend themselves from predators 
Maybe this is the way ?? 
Times they are a’changing it would seem !

[MommyDomme84]

2 minutes ago, Old_Grey_Beard said:

Generation X doesn’t have the patience of those that have gone before ! 
 

I assume you meant Gen Z. Gen X is barely younger than you. Gen Z are the teens and barely 20s.

[Dancingbear225]

The internet allows many things, some good and some bad. After all it's still people. There's a percentage of the population in any group that is sincerely looking to expand the ideals of the group, those that want to take advantage for their own personal gain, and those that want to watch everything burn. The best advice I can give is be aware that this is reality in every group, society, and community. Assume anything you post In a public forum will get out, and a great deal you think is private will as well. Be aware of the information and remember, trust needs to be earned.

[se****]

@Old_Grey_Bread "They have grown up in a world of insta everything from streaming anything that piques their interest to jumping into “Hi - tie - flog - fuck - bye “ kink?"
This is mostly what I have seen, asked and offered... NO!!

[se****]

Oops... @Old_Grey_Beard❤❤❤

[ey****]

9 hours ago, ChubbyPrincess84 said:

A trend I have been seeing lately is 18-year-old boys calling themselves "Master" and wanting to learn how to Dom by getting an inexperienced submissive. This is scary and dangerous.

This was something I wrote about a long long time ago - because, absolutely, it's a recipe for disaster.

The kinda problem though - they want to get into kink and find that experienced submissives don't really want anything to do with them (which could be down to a number of reasons) so they then of course seek out someone inexperienced.

This isn't a new problem, I remember when I first wrote about this it was nearly a decade ago.  And probably wasn't a new thing then.   I think it's then important to at least point the person to where they can learn from (as well as having subs vet the experience is what people say it is)

Mind. What I feel is worse is older Dominants (or older subs) deliberately seeking out inexperienced/younger/naive subs (or Dominants) because that's just fucking creepy.

[xT****]

My friend is in a situation like that, by dating an 15+ year older sadistic dom. I think its a bad idea and very prone to risks. What can I do?

[ge****]

7 minutes ago, xThomasx said:

My friend is in a situation like that, by dating an 15+ year older sadistic dom. I think its a bad idea and very prone to risks. What can I do?

I guess the first question is why you think it's a bad idea? Is there any evidence to back up your concerns other than him being 15+ years older and dominant?
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If so, have you tried talking to your friend and telling them your concerns and more importantly why you are concerned?
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Sometimes it's not always easy to get people to see what may be obvious from the outside looking in, but equally it's easy to jump to conclusions when you're outside looking in.
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So the first step, as ever, comes down to communication, both you expressing your concerns, and listening to your friend's answers to those concerns.

[SammyB]

Thank you to all who have taken the time to respond , it always appreciated
It is great to have the space to discuss openly even if it is just to raise awareness of possibilities

[ey****]

36 minutes ago, xThomasx said:

My friend is in a situation like that, by dating an 15+ year older sadistic dom. I think its a bad idea and very prone to risks. What can I do?

the important thing here is context

is she happy? is she being coerced into doing things she doesn't enjoy?  If yes and no - then there's not necessarily an issue

Does she communicate her wants and desires? Does she know she can? Does she know she never loses the word 'no' ?  Does she enjoy the levels she is playing to or thinks this is the only way?

[Go****]

Personally I find with the way the internet is today that showing vulnerability on a dating/kink/fun site is not the way to go as it does prick the predators senses. I was very lucky when I came in a few years ago to be speaking with some truly lovely helpful people on both sides of the D/s and they helped keep me right, answered any questions, offered advice and friendship and also led me to find some good research.

On a whole and in general I find vulnerability very sexy in the opposite sex but there is a time and place for it .