Online dynamics, yey or ney?

[Deleted Member]

I'm married and although I've tried to bring my amazing wife into the lifestyle it simply isn't for her. I'm an honest and loyal person but two years ago, after the realisation that the two of us could not begin this journey together I had a decision to make. My private life is my own business, but safe to say I was looking for more. I began to reach out to the BDSM community and – long story short – made some good friends, learnt a great deal, helped others and met my first submissive. I told her my situation from the start, so we were both aware that our dynamic could only ever exist online. If I know you or we become friends I'll gladly share that story, but that is not what this post is about.

I'm keen to hear what people think about online-only dynamics. I'm sure many of you will say that they are not an authentic BDSM experience where those involved are only fooling themselves. For those who have this view, I fully understand where you're coming from, but likely you have the ability to explore your kinks in real life without restriction. In reality an online dynamic brings with it many challenges. 

Is it frustrating? Of course, but I'm sure many of you have been in scenes or scenarios that have also been frustrating in the flesh. 

It focuses the mind – you have to think very carefully about each aspect of the dynamic. For that reason I do believe it has it's place, especially for those, like me, who are unable to fulfil their desires in reality < Actually, I don't like that term 'in reality' because interacting with people online is very real and the same safety measures, precautions and discipline is required as with real life. It's also a safe environment for newcomers to the scene. I always encourage people to seek out a local munch and seek out their local community but for some that's a huge step. Simply talking to someone online beforehand can allow that person to begin to understand their desires and what they are actually looking for. 

Anyway, I'm beginning to ramble. I look forward to your views on this topic.

Peace xx

Edited July 20, 2018 by Deleted Member

[BigPolly]

Hi Otis, like any kink it’s horses for course, I’ve only had one major online bdsm relationship & looking back it’s not something I could deal with again. I found the psychological side of it very very intense to the point where I felt myself become quite obsessive about checking my messages, constantly on my mind about what I was doing, the frustration in lack of physical contact, going through tasks alone & often in a public situatio & then bouts of paranoia as I was opening up in quite an extreme manner to someone i’d never even met. I make no secret on here of the fact that I don’t like to get attached to any Dom but that was possibly the first (& only situation) that sucked me in & I felt like I lost control over myself, not something I could go through again. Maybe it’s because I took it all far too seriously but it was a constant mind battle with myself. Also because I play on an occasional basis I work a lot on instinct & experience/knowledge of how someone speaks/behaves beforehand when I meet someone who’s basically a stranger (not something I advise to anyone) & with this situation I was unable to gage fully who this person really was. That doesn’t help you I guess but for some people I can imagine the excitement of this is amazing & works well. Like in any situation you don’t know until you try! 😁

[Deleted Member]

Personally I'd find it very frustrating to not be physical, You must be a very strong minded dude but if it works for you then that's awesome, Good luck man ✌

[ey****]

while online is not for me.....

it's very valid.

if it works for you then it works for you.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks for sharing your experience @BigPolly. 

[saphy]

I would have loved to have commented on this purely for the fact that people (especially those within the lifestyle community) NEED to be open minded to the fact that there infact IS online dynamics that are completely viable. Having Y/your dynamic online is an extremely intense experience and primarily focuses on mind control and the ability to submit to that concept. Ive had a few online dynamics, both as submissive and slave but I *** I'd be repeating what @BigPolly has already so adequately stated. Tbh....i think You will find that You will be judged alot more by those on the site for being married rather than looking for online relationships. Again, been there and wore the t-shirt on that one! Good luck to you and I hope You find whatever it is that enriches Your life. Blessed be.

[Deleted Member]

Love the honesty,the compassion,the instinctive part I really relate to,I think our instinct is primal,serves us well.fantastic people,the journey goes on.respect x