So as a sub I had in my mind, how I’d like a Dom to be but up until that point I had not found anyone who had played to ‘my level’.
Mr P and I had talked about what we liked, our expectations, negotiations and limits but I had been there before with other Dom’s. My way at that time way pretty much Read more… on an “Eat, Shoots, Leaves’ basis with play dates, I had also made this clear to Mr P.
Im Hypersexual so would happily sleep or play with most people regardless of whether there was a connection or not or if the connection wasn’t initially sexual.
Also I had spent 20 years as a Domme so I was yet to find someone who could make me fully submit as a sub and step away from that element of control.
Mr Ps approach was so different to anyone I’d encountered on here and the friendship we had struck up was already so strong that I didn’t think it was possible for him to also be that amazing as a Dom as that would be too good to be true. In fact I had given up ever finding the kind of Dom that I was looking for. Also because Mr P hadn’t spoke much about his past subs I guessed he was new-ish to the scene.
I was wrong on all accounts, I had literally found my perfect Dom. He was as Dark, experienced, deep and just ‘got me’. He even recognised my subspace and stopped play without really knowing me. He kept me hydrated and fed me chocolate. He not only made me submit that day, he allowed me to feel safe enough in someone else’s company to fully submit.
my expectations had been blown out of the water.

I met my partner on this site 2 1/2 years ago. I wasn’t looking for a relationship I was just happy with play partners. Also I had been on this site since the beginning so it was more ‘social’ for me as many of us had got to know eachother as friends.
He approached me at a time when I was getting Read more… nothing but d**k pics. His message didn’t require an answer, it was just lovely and complimentary so I replied.
we talked (and mainly laughed) endlessly for weeks and eventually decided we needed to meet for coffee. I wasn’t expecting anything as we hadn’t really flirted and it had taken so long to get together.
That first coffee was amazing, we just spent hours laughing but still not flirting so when he invited me to his the next week for a play date I still wasn’t expecting much.
The way he played blew me away! Exactly what I was looking for but didn’t really believe I’d find it as my expectations were quite high.
We talked about how we were happy to keep it at ‘play only’ but would continue to play with each other however we were both happy for each other to also seek out other people.
we spent so much time talking as well as playing that we became really close. That coupled with a nutty ex of his that stalked us and tried to destroy us, even joining this site to try and slate us just made us realise that we were actually totally smitten.
I then stayed over at his one night and never left!
I believe our relaxed approach to how we started, helped to build our relationship. That and the fact that we have just never stopped laughing.
But the key to finding someone on here has always been the same…..Slowly, Slowly Catchy Monkey! Patience is your friend, it can take months or even years as finding someone who matches your kinks is hard. Trust your instincts, set boundaries and stick to them and never speak to anyone or be spoken to in a way that you wouldn’t do in person. The early days on here was easy and many relationships were formed as I think there was just around 400 of us but the site is now so huge that it’s a lot more difficult so be specific on your profile (not that half the people read them) and set your settings to match.

You have a clear idea of what a Dom is and that’s ok. I was the same after spending so many years as a Domme then swapping my role, I was looking for someone who played like me. Having something so specific in your mind makes searching for it hard work. Over time ideas, kinks and scenes evolve Read more… which makes things easier.
wanting a certain person to play a certain role or play a certain way is absolutely fine but restrictive.
Unfortunately porn and the internet lead us to believe roles are only laid out in a certain way but reality isn’t like that.
People still have kindness and respect which can misled for weakness.
People want to play a certain way or perform acts which for some reason people bizarrely perceive these as ‘not Dominant’. Pegging being the main one as women seem to not understand that a man’s Gspot is up his arse so why wouldn’t he want this pleasure included in the scene. Pegging is definitely not a submissive act.
Going down on a woman was also bought up on here as only being a submissive act?!
Not sure how giving or receiving pleasure in a certain way can only be isolated to certain roles but again, the internet has a lot to answer for there with misguided perceptions.
There is nothing wrong in knowing what you do and don’t want and there is nothing wrong in setting boundaries for yourself but communicating these beforehand will prevent disappointment.
Yes I’ve been in a situation where I thought I was off to play with a Dom and he turned out to be a switch, not everyone knows how to communicate their needs and that’s ok to, life is all about learning and new experiences. Some of which, we don’t want to repeat and some of which we strangely find exciting.

Yes definitely comes down to communication however EVERYONE is entitled to aftercare and be offering eachother aftercare.
Is is very typical for a Dom to need as much aftercare and for a sub to offer this. To say It isn’t typical shows you’re not playing safely. Yes all aftercare should be Read more… discussed beforehand but only to keep both parties safe, not because to offer it is unusual.
BDSM/Kink Play/Scenes require a lot of physical or mental stimulation which raises adrenaline, to then only offer one party aftercare is wrong. Doms/Dommes can drop just as much as subs.
Not sure how you can say ‘almost all people are switches’ unless that’s based purely on personal experience?

Totally this!! Like you I also went through an (informal) apprenticeship within the club scene.
As much as kink is thrilling and free-ing, to perform any BDSM in a safe way requires practice and knowledge. It requires, agreements, negotiations and/or contracts.
It can include acts that can be Read more… damaging or dangerous if not performed correctly or both/all parties aren’t involved in covering all knowledgable bases available to them.
Even something as simple as using a paddle or cane, needs to be used correctly and not just wavered around.
The internet is great for wide knowledge but you also need to study further afield yourself.
Those suggesting the many variations of what a Daddy or a Dom is, what do your contracts or negotiations state, what are your ground rules and limits to separate you from Masters etc? Because without knowledge and rules, those lines become blurred and as lovely as it is to fit a role around who you are and your personal preferences, without some kind of solid knowledgable or experienced ground rules you leave yourself open to abuse, bullying or something more serious if something goes wrong.

Personally I feel this whole thread had shown how the internet has caused a ‘Chinese whisper’ effect to the BDSM scene.
Being in clubs years ago, the roles were defined, there was no ‘well I think this & I think that’. The respectful lines between roles were clear.
The beauty of the internet is Read more… this has now allowed people to be who they want and be more open, even stepping over several roles to combine them.
The downside of this is roles are now blurred, it’s a case of ‘I think this…’. The freedom to be yourself is there but learning is now harder in my opinion.
Porn is unfortunately a role leader rather than experiencing anything in reality and because of this people are bouncing around with all sorts of ideas. The thrill of BDSM without the sex is no longer there and like you when I was a Domme in a club I never touched anyone sexually.
We have the freedom to be ourselves which is lovely but strict knowledge is now so far from what it was, it is simply opinion based which is quite scary. The amount of variations on this thread of what a Daddy or a Master is verging on dangerous in my opinion.

BDSM allows us to explore ‘control’.
Whatever role we play we are always in control of allowing what happens to us either by setting limits or removing limits. This allows us to visit taboo situations and at what level.
For some of us this is a straightforward lifestyle and it’s who we are, for Read more… others it’s simply intriguing, for others it allows them to revisit places they didn’t want to be in but this time with that element of control.
So is it healing? Only you can decide that but if you are in total control of your play & your scenes then you are going to get out of it exactly what you desire but in order to have complete control you need clarity of mind beforehand.

? Wow all of this is so way off. I’m not sure where you’ve got your information from but everything about this is just tosh
SM isn’t necessarily sexual and it’s certainly not heavily apparent in the bedroom
SM can be a lifestyle hence why a Master may have a slave. This lifestyle isn’t necessarily Read more… based around sex it can simply be based around the thrill of the lifestyle.
Being called a Master is nothing to do with SandM it depicts the level of power & commitment that that lifestyle holds.
daddies aren’t necessarily in a DDlg or Dom/sub relationship, there are numerous power relationships which hold this title. Suggesting someone might like to be called Daddy to have his ego stroked is a tad insulting.
Being in a partnership where someone is playing the ‘Daddy’ role again isn’t necessarily about sex.
Not all BDSM play is sexual

It’s not necessarily about ‘going wrong’ it’s simply about discovering and learning. You’re here and that’s a great starting point. Staying on the site, reading the forums and the magazine articles will help. Understanding that you will never stop evolving and learning on this journey so don’t try Read more… and take everything in straight away. The more you learn the more your confidence will grow. Be patient and trust your instincts as there are many scammers waiting to take advantage. Things go wrong and we all make mistakes or mess up from time to time but don’t let those times put you off. Learn from real people and not porn as that will give you a false illusion 😊

As far as BDSM is concerned don’t play until you feel comfortable in someone’s presence, emerge yourself in clubs & munches where you don’t have to take part, stop focusing on what you think you need to achieve.
All of this is about fun experiences. Things go wrong for all of us but stop Read more… focusing on the end result. That fear will always be there regardless but overtime some will turn in to an apprehensive thrill.
Limits are there to be installed & removed when necessary so use them and take everything very slowly and gently at YOUR pace, never be bullied into doing or performing in a way that is outside your comfort zone until you’re ready.

Despite it being a relationship, you need to work on what you want and your own boundaries and limits first, once those ideas are in place this will allow you to play with a better mindset.
If you’d rather forgive than punish, then there is nothing wrong with that but you both have to discuss and Read more… decide what outcomes will be.
There is also nothing wrong with scenes not going to plan or changing things at last minute but being constantly ‘unsure’ will just cause you unnecessary stress or frustration.