Monogamous

Are people monogamous in BDSM relationships?

Which BDSM archetype matches well with a monogamist?

How do monogamous kinksters symbolise their relationship?

Are people monogamous in BDSM relationships?

Monogamy is when you have one relationship at a time. It is the expected norm in vanilla relationships but is also very popular in the kink community too. In vanilla society, monogamists partner up with just one other person and that is often for many years at a time. Some get married, others have civil unions but any relationship between two people with a sexual/romantic connection is counted as monogamy.

Within BDSM the definition is slightly different, in that a monogamous Dom and sub are likely to keep most kink and sexual play between themselves. Strict monogamists will commit to only having kink or sexual play with one person.

The line between monogamy and non-monogamy is definitely blurred. However, there are those within monogamy who aren’t quite as strict. They may have exceptions to the rule of only being with their partner. For example, when it comes to play. If one partner is into a particular fetish or aspect of BDSM that the other doesn’t enjoy they may do this one thing with another, pre-agreed person from time to time. They may have agreements that allow for one partner to demonstrate certain BDSM play with others or that the person can be a rope bunny for another person under certain circumstances.

Which BDSM archetype matches well with a monogamist?

The general rule of thumb is that if the vast majority of your BDSM, romantic and sexual play is with one specific partner, you are monogamous. If you regularly play with others in any of these aspects, then you are more likely to be non-monogamous and match with another non-monogamous kinkster.

How do monogamous kinksters symbolise their relationship?

A connection could be symbolised with a collar, which has a similar purpose to a wedding ring. There can also be a collaring service which is very much like a wedding as people gather to watch two people commit to one another to the exclusion of others.

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What is a non-monogamist?

Non-monogamists break with the societal tradition of having just one partner at a time. They will prefer to be in an open relationship. They can be called polyamorous. They don’t see sex or kink as something to keep between themselves and just one other person. They can have several partners at once, these can be just for play or more serious relationships. Every non-monogamist will have different approaches to non-monogamy. Polyamorists will have, or look to be in, more than one relationship. These will be more than play and sex, and involve a romantic and/or intimate aspect. Swingers may be married or in a committed relationship with one person but they will indulge in kink or sexual play with other people too. Swingers can be single, it’s not all about wife-swapping. Anyone not in a monogamous relationship can be referred as polyamorous. Non-monogamists can indulge in all kinds of fetishes and kink play. They can be Dominant, submissive or switch if they’re into BDSM. They will rarely be slaves as devotion to one Master or Mistress doesn’t come easy to them. However, they might work well in a relationship with multiple slaves and one or more Dominant partner.

What is a vanilla?

Vanilla people stick to the standards in sexual play and roles. For example they’re most likely to be in heterosexual, monogamous relationships. By sheer definition members of the LGBTQI community aren’t vanilla even though you could argue what the definition of standard is when referencing sexuality. There’s nothing wrong with this, even though vanilla is often used as a derogatory term by kinksters. It’s often seen as being boring and normal. However, not everyone has a particular fetish or kink and so vanilla sex is exactly what they need and want. Some vanilla people will go on to find out they have specific fetishes and kinks but the majority will be happy always having vanilla interactions. Keeping to what they know is a driving factor for vanilla people. Knowing what will happen in a sexual interaction is important to them. They’re likely to have lots of limits on what they will do.

What is a switch?

Switch is the BDSM term for someone who isn’t always just Dominant or only submissive, they are a combination of the two. They enjoy being the top in a scene sometimes but are equally as comfortable being the bottom at other times. They have a real desire for both but may be more Dominant or more submissive. Switches don’t tend to have a 50/50 split Dom or sub. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; }