Dominance - the D in BDSM

What is a Dominant?

Dominants like to be in control. Unlike BDSM tops or sadists, their need is not particularly to inflict pain but to be domineering and have control over another person. Some Doms/Dommes expect to be obeyed immediately and without questions. Others enjoy being tested, and having to show their dominance over the submissive who’s being bratty.

There is no one way to be a Dominant. Dom/Dommes can also be sadists, tops, masters or riggers. Dominant is a huge category of BDSM made up of many very different people who all have one thing in common, their need to be in control.

The D in the term BDSM stands for Dominance, therefore Dominants are an instrumental part of BDSM.

Which BDSM archetype matches well with a Dominant?

Dominants are turned on by people being submissive towards them be that by using an honorific such as ‘Sir’ or ‘Miss’ when talking to them or by obeying them without question. Every Dominant has his/her own way of being Dominant. Some may be monogamous and want a full time submissive others will only want submissive play partners. Some will only take on one submissive, others will have several depending on their preference.

How to be a Dominant

To be a Dom or a Domme is to be the one who is responsible for the other partner(s) during BDSM scenes and play situations. Some will take their control further, into different aspects of their submissives lives. They may take control of what their sub wears, who should complete domestic chores or where to go on dates. Some Dominants will go as far as to have a list of rules for the sub to comply to, with relevant punishments for misdemeanours.

What's the difference between Dom and Domme?

Some female identifying Dominants choose to be called Domme whereas male identifying Dominants are always Doms. There is no difference in how these words are said, just in their spelling. Also there is no difference between a female or male Dominant. They both take the lead in situations and the responsibilities that come with that.

Threads and discussions that include: Dominant

  • The Divide: Dominant Women and What They Seek compared to Submissives and What They Seek. Question 1: Do you feel that Divide is widening than in previous years? Do explain your answer a bit. ...
  • True or false? I shared a posting in a ‘Dominant’ Facebook group that wrote “Cuddling and falling asleep together is probably the best feeling in a relationship”. And that is what I got in response. ...
  • How to find dominant women?

    Im just wondering if there's any real way to find dominant women because I've never met one ...
  • Members looking for: Dominant

    Keywords related to Dominant

    Keywords: Top, D/s

    Similar to Dominant

    Daddy Dom or Mommy Dom is the term for a certain type of Dominant who enjoys taking on a caring and nurturing role. They mainly match up with girls/boys otherwise known as 'littles'. DDLG stands for Daddy Dom/Little Girl and is a term often used in the BDSM community. Daddy Dom and Mommy Dominants enjoy control, as all Dominants do. Their control can be in the form of written rules, choosing outfits as well as making lots of decisions for their littles. Daddy and Mommy Dominants are patient and caring, which is why they match up so well with the child-like littles. BDSM comes into the Daddy and Mommy’s relationships with their littles in different ways. They strike a balance between encouraging the little’s child-like joy and enthusiasm and showing them the control they crave for. This is why they carry both the name Daddy or Mommy and Dominant at the same time. Caring in a parental type roll and controlling as a Dominant. Daddy Doms and Mommy Doms are often instinctually good at aftercare because of their especially nurturing natures. This is essential when matching up with littles as they need lots of care and attention before, during and after a BDSM scene.
    A Master/Mistress is a specific kind of Dominant. They are more likely to take on a 24/7 relationship with their submissive/slave and control all aspects of their sub’s life. There may be exceptions, for example when the partners are at work, otherwise a Master/Mistress is in control all of the time. They will train their slaves to serve them in the way they enjoy. This will include domestic chores and service as well as sexual and kink aspects of their lives. Some expect their slaves to ask permission to eat, use the bathroom and other mundane acts, taking control of everything their submissive does. Of course, all this is pre-agreed. It may all be written down in a formal contract or may have been discussed in advance. There will be ways for the slave to express discomfort and to say no when they don’t want to do something. This could be in the forum of a safeword or something else that is pre-agreed. Even though the relationship seems very one-sided, it is consensual. A Master/Mistress has their slave’s well-being at heart and will never make them do anything that is unsafe or they won’t like, that is part of the nature of the trust and control between them.
    A sadist is a Dominant who enjoys inflicting pain on a submissive partner or partners. However, it isn’t always that a sadist enjoys inflicting all kinds of pain on others. They may well enjoy specific sadistic tortures. They may prefer using a particular instrument like a whip or a cane or they might enjoy adding a sadistic element to other BDSM activities such as rope and restraints. Sadists get pleasure from inflicting pain on others. This is always consensual and agreed in advance. They can enjoy the visual evidence of the pain they’ve inflicted in bruises and welts and red skin. They often enjoy the noises a masochist makes while they are inflicting pain on them and enjoy watching the way that masochist moves as they are tortured. They may even enjoy restraining the masochist so they can’t easily move. Not all sadistic torture leaves marks. Sadists can use electric that inflicts lots of pain on their masochist but doesn’t leave lasting marks. Not all sadism is focused on the physical. Sadists often use fear and control to play with pain without inflicting any physical damage at all. This is called a mind fuck. Many people often ask what is a sadist? There isn’t one simple answer. Every sadist is different. Sadists are most often Dominants but can be switches. Even masochists and submissives can have a sadistic streak. Enjoying inflicting pain on another person, maybe because they understand the thrill of feeling the pain themselves. Sadists can become sexually aroused by inflicting painful torture on others, it can also be simply about submission and control. Sadists often spend many hours honing their skills with one particular torture implement to get the most sadistic pleasure out of their implement of choice.