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Why get scared?

Ni****

By Ni****
in BDSM Forum

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Ni****

Ni****

Posted
Why do people talk big but can't seem to back it up or when my man and I think we found a couple that is willing to swap with us they get scared when we ready?
Ch****

Ch****

Posted
I think its mostly because this is a fantasy for some, and maybe some genuinely want it but the reality hits and they cant go through with it.
Some they can get off on all the talk about it then once they've had their fix, poof they are gone. x
ey****

ey****

Posted

there's been a few threads like this but some suggestions

1) you were never talking to a couple, you were talking to a single man who was getting off on the fantasy - he couldn't meet because that would reveal he didn't have a partner and was lying (though, some may try the last-minute "oh no my wife is sick, can I just come fuck you")

2) that even if someone is genuine that doing something, especially for the first time, can be a big/nervy experience - while I've never backed out about anything, I've had my own doubts

 

Pl****

Pl****

Posted
I've backed out near the end a few times after I found myself having various concerns that I didn't pick up on earlier. In one case, everything seemed perfectly normal, but right before we were about to meet, I started getting some weird stalker vibes. Something was off, and I decided I didn't want to get involved someone I was starting to suspect was mentally unstable.

Another time seemed very similar at first as well, but I later realized that after seeming like they wanted the same thing I did, they actually wanted something very different than they'd been portraying, and were hoping that either I'd go along with it or that they could somehow sneak or *** that in. I didn't appreciate the deception.

I feel like I pretty much got smoking guns for these, but I think it can also be a lot more subtle, and when people get a bad feeling about something, even if there's no reason for it, it's often better to be safe than sorry, and for that reason, I'd never hold it against anybody that didn't want to meet up with me. I may not be a creep, but the next guy might, so good on them for being the careful type.

I'm not into couple swapping, but for couple swaps specifically, there's an added complication. For a lot of couples that are theoretically open to swapping, I've noticed that one person is often the driver, and the other person is less enthusiastic. Sometimes they're not even that into it at all and are just going along because their partner wants to. Even if they are into it, they tend to have higher standards for the encounter or need to feel a connection first, which may never happen.

Deleted Member

Posted
Typical, I feel for you guys! Nothing worse than someone “gaslighting” you and being Full of s**t…..
Good hunting from the UK 😉😈
Ch****

Ch****

Posted

Yes i agree with the multiple people involved it is a bit harder, im looking for a couple for a triad poly relationship and trying to connect to both people is sometimes hard, sometimes theres nothing there with one of them or vice versa. Partner swapping theres 4 (or more) people that need to be on the same page. Its just i hope/wish people would say they arnt feeling the connection rather than ghosting, say early on there might be things to work on to get there ect. I hate all the talk of we can do this or that, make plans then nothing. It really was all just talk/w*nk fodder

Deleted Member

Posted
11 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Yes i agree with the multiple people involved it is a bit harder, im looking for a couple for a triad poly relationship and trying to connect to both people is sometimes hard, sometimes theres nothing there with one of them or vice versa. Partner swapping theres 4 (or more) people that need to be on the same page. Its just i hope/wish people would say they arnt feeling the connection rather than ghosting, say early on there might be things to work on to get there ect. I hate all the talk of we can do this or that, make plans then nothing. It really was all just talk/w*nk fodder

I'm the same, I wish people would have the guts to say no, rather than be ghosted.

Deleted Member

Posted
This isn't real life. Not everyone has balls in the real world. Remember people create persona's to hide behind so they feel accepted. When it is time to reveal themselves they chicken out.
Ch****

Ch****

Posted
(edited)

@spartanpict what do you mean this isnt real life?

Edited by Cheekysub247

Deleted Member

Posted
@cheekysub247. In the real world... you see the person you are getting. On here it's words. Therefore their persona online is tested in real life... you soon find out if their words match their actions. Online dating is not the real world. Some people are catfishing, kittenfishing and/or scammers.
Ch****

Ch****

Posted

@SpartanPictok i get you now lol, 

However for me my online is real, its how it all starts, getting to know people this way. Yes there will be fakes and scammers along the way but also real people, doing this, this way for real. Ive had relationships and many long term friendships starting online. So it is possible, but not for everyone.

Im no good with munches or certain types of social gathering so meeting new people face to face isnt really an option for me x

Deleted Member

Posted
@cheekysub247. We are all different. Different strokes for different folks. For me until I meet someone IRL... they can pretend to be whoever they want. Glad you are having a good experience. May it continue 🙏
gr****

gr****

Posted
Well online seems to foster what a friend used to call "fakes, flakes, and takes". Which are people rolling through our sites. Not really looking but claiming to.
ey****

ey****

Posted

I would at times be interested to speak to folk who bailed to ask why they did

But - I say this as someone who has never bailed - but - in my early years, came close to.

I remember getting off the Metro and having an anxiety attack as I was going up the escalator.  On paper this was fine - I was going to a gangbang, I'd been approved, but there was so much going through my head.

Everything from "I am inexperienced, will everyone else be more experienced, will that be bad", to "what if I can't perform", "what if I do something wrong", "what if there is someone there I know that would cause a problem or be weird", "there will be other men there - how will I compare" and so on

What didn't help - I got to the bus stand at the interchange and there was someone there, waiting for the same bus, who I knew and really didn't get on with.  And then very much "oh fuck, what if he is there " or even the thought of sharing a bus with him made me cold - so - I kinda walked there.

Up until pressing the intercom at the door I was close to cancelling - I was going to do the right thing and message - but... yeah

Anyway, I think 11 people had confirmed and 3 people turned up.  Only 1 or 2 messages to say they couldn't make it (generic excuse but at least a message) and I dunno if other people had similar feelings to me, just got off on the idea or what.   But, yeah - it was tough

As it happens there was someone there I knew - I used to get the same bus as the guest-of-honour on most days at the time - ha.... I guess it's one way to make acquaintance for the first time.....   

And I'm not saying we should go easy on those who flake - because it is frustrating, disappointing, and let's people down - but - this is just an example of how I came close to being *nope* once

(I have also been to events where a guy did turn up, but quietly disappeared - one DID give his reasons was that... actually... he just wasn't as ready/prepared as he thought) 

Deleted Member

Posted
People in general can't be trusted. Sad but true
ey****

ey****

Posted

while you shouldn't blindly trust people - people generally are good.

If someone isn't ready, they're not ready - and if you try to pressure them then they will be more reluctant to want to meet you.

If you don't think people are trustworthy online - there's no point in being online - why not go to where people go?

Deleted Member

Posted
I think in reality people think there ready, the big build up ,a few messages but when it comes to crunch time it can be daunting especially if it's a new thing,or new people.
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