Rejection

[mx****]

Hi! Just wondering how people overcome rejection, I personally realy struggle with rejection especially when the person doesnt tell u their rejecting u, nor do they tell you what you did wrong (they block you without warning) as i have attatchment/abandonment issues, and i was wondering if i could get some advice, Thank you! ^-^

[Deleted Member]

Have you only just started chatting or was it one of them long cov that going well type of thing? People ghost for a lot of things and find it easier just to block then having to deal with the drama.

[ma****]

though further questions would need answering, I don't see in that scenario rejection.

[Deleted Member]

Amen to this. So many people I’ve met on here, some in person, got on great and felt a connection and then poof ghosted. It’s doing my head in because you open up and then get hurt. The one I met, we spoke about the future and had a kiss and was absolutely perfect, and then he didn’t even ghost, just disappeared!

[Deleted Member]

Only advice I can say is just don’t take it personally. I know it easy to say and it does suck and hurts when people do that. But not much we can do and just move on and it their lost.

[Deleted Member]

So I used to take it to heart but I soon realised how think skinned you need to be. It’s really hurt when I’ve felt a proper connection with someone i.e met them, know them, been intimate (for life in general) but joining here and going back to online dating..if they block, unfriend or ghost me, just move on. You obviously aren’t meant to be.

They might be right for you but you’re not right for them

[Mr****]

Strongly recommend the book: Mindset, by Carol Dweck. The chapter on relationships. It can help give some insight and perspective. But if you have attachment/abandonment issues that you are working on it’s always good to work with a therapist if you can. Good luck!

[ey****]

Before I get to the beef; if you do have attachment/abandonment issues this is something you really need to work on before pushing for a relationship because actually getting into a relationship could end up being worse for you.

So, firstly...

Accept that rejection is normal and everyone goes through it.   

Even if someone did give you a reason it might never feel enough - someone could just be "but I just don't feel this is going anywhere" and that itself still doesn't give you the closure you wanted as it doesn't tell you what you could have done to make it go somewhere. So you also have to accept you might not get the closure.

It might be you could look and see how you could have done things better, but sometimes rejection isn't about you.

People can learn to be more resilient.  It's about being open minded and avoiding all-or-nothing thinking.  Look at what you can learn while practicing self care (like, it's ok to feel sad something hasn't worked out! And it's OK to want to do something to help get over it)

and also to keep putting yourself out there. to dust down, to learn where you can and build where you can and just... well... not take things personally. 

[Deleted Member]

Might not be the healthiest strategy but for me what works is to simply count only with myself and just remind myself that nobody has any duty to stay with me for life regardless of what kind of relationship it is. Friends will become strangers lovers will become memories even family… you have to learn to live life focused on you, do you and if someone else comes along great if they don’t then you it’s all you need

[Deleted Member]

It’s not easy and takes time but you get stronger too and it doesn’t hurt the same anymore

[LustAndLogic]

Unfortunately, it seems that ghosting has become a socially accepted way of ending a conversation online. It can be very hurtful when people suddenly and unexpectedly stop replying to your messages, or even delete the chat and block you without any apparent reason. My way of coping with it has been trying not to get too much involved in a discussion emotionally and always prepare for the worst before I haven't met the person in real life and been able to build a real connection. It saddens me a lot that I have become so suspecting and doubtful of others, but the *** of sudden rejection was just too hurtful to me.

[Deleted Member]

Yup... try not to wear it too heavily. Listen to your self talk, then think about it. It happens to all of us! If I don't reply to a message its nothing to do with the sender usually, more to do what what's going on in my own headspace and what I can cope with. If you're reading and engaging in the community then youre probably doing as much as you can, although would second the black sheep in that it's good for all of us to work through any baggage we have. I was ghosted recently from a guy I was sure was in the bag... and even though I am not normally sensitive I was a bit upset. But equally, he had a lot going on. I hope that he just didn't want to connect and felt too overwhelmed to express it at the time. Maybe he'll get back in touch, maybe not. We are living through fully bats*@t crazy times... everyone has a lot going on and limited energy. Try to catch yourself when you're telling yourself it's something about you and try and reframe it. We are all worthy of love and lust.

[ed****]

I’ve been rejected countless times, just gotta stay positive and remind yourself that something great will come your way eventually

[Deleted Member]

Something that’s helped me is to realize that, as much as getting rejected over text/blocked sucks, trying to *** thru incompatibility, a potentially awkward date, and ultimately potentially awkward and unfulfilling sex is soooo much worse for all parties involved, and “the talk” after that stings WAY more.

And as much as you may think knowing why you were rejected could help - it won’t. It will become ammunition your shitty ass brain will use against you at night. The realization why will come on its own if you’re serious about working on yourself and growing as a person, and it won’t become something to ruminate over

When you reframe the way you think about rejection accordingly? Shit, you become almost thankful when people pull the plug early on before you have a chance to meet. Nobody’s time is wasted, and you can freely commit yourself to whatever you like doing when you’re not looking around

[Li****]

Please try to remember some people don't feel safe, comfortable or confident enough in having to say to someone- I'm not interested or I do not find you attractive etc.
It puts you in a position for someone to message and hit on you and expect a reply. But then if it's a harsh reality reply of "I'm not interested", a lot don't listen or get highly offensive and insulting.
Having experienced that a lot myself I find it easier now to just "no thanks and hide". I tried for such a long time to give everyone the time to reply and explain that at least it wasn't something they did, or if it was what they did. But in the end I got a lot of vile comments from it.
When I "no thanks" I don't have to worry about being threatened or insulted or someone being highly argumentative because they chose to put themselves out and I then said I'm sorry, I'm not interested but good luck.
I'm sorry it is happening to you but it doesn't always mean you've done something wrong. It's a quicker and safer way for people to say no these days.
Rejection isn't an easy thing to take and I'd be lying if I said it gets easier. But you should be proud that you still go out and give people a try and express yourself. It's very brave and I admire that.
Sometimes you may say something wrong or word it not in the way you meant it to come across and it's just a learning curve. Not succeeding isn't failing, it's learning ways which don't work to overcome
I hope you're feeling better from these responses and I know it's easier said but try not to let the rejection swallow you up and become your mood.
Trying is better than anything and as long as you're asking these questions and listening, you're always improving.

[do****]

For me, I just get back on the horse…as the saying goes. I’m not the most traditionally attractive guy in the world, but I’ve found that there are plenty of folks out there looking for some fun.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been rejected countless times, most recently My rule is, I can be disappointed & grumpy for a week. Anything longer is a waste of my time and energy because they don’t care so it’s just me talking to myself about it. Took me a long time to get here.

[Deleted Member]

There’s someone for everyone, be are rarely for everyone. I feel they did you a favour ghosting early on, better than coming home to a half empty home one day. Reflect, and move on, but just keep trying and being yourself, you’ll attract the right people in time.

[Da****]

My favorite I when all you say is hi and how are they..that icebreaker message and they block you without even talking to you .. I just say " thier loss, I don't want to know them if that is how they treat people". I actually had someone reply that they felt it was nicer to not respond than to simply say they were not interested... Don't get to invested over the net or on apps. For most people it is easier to ghost or block than actually say something...

[Da****]

It's not you or your fault, it's about them and thier cowardice and insecurities...

[bi****]

Grow up?

[Deleted Member]

I essentially got rejected by 2 people this week. Sure it sucks, but I have gotten so used to it to the point where I celebrate every small milestone

[Deleted Member]

I go through the same too and it sucks

[pi****]

Rejection is a reflection that's half about you and what you bring to the table, and half about what the other person wants. You can be the right package, at the wrong address.

[Ve****]

As someone with ADHD rejection stings sure, but apparently for me it's the thought of "I could've spent this time and effort doing something else" that actually gets me miffed. I look at rejection more as an inconvenience, but it is a beneficial inconvenience in the sense that the rejection saves me from an unfulfilling experience.

The best yet most annoying advice I can share is don't even take it personally in the slightest, it's not worth the emotional turmoil or energy to spend dwelling on it. Think of rejection like a pebble in your shoe. It's annoying, but simple to just take off your shoe, yeet the pebble, and move on with your day.

Hopefully this helps, gets at least a chuckle out of ya, and remember you're not alone in these feelings. 🙌

P.S.-If you're easily amused then the moment you are rejected/blocked/ghosted go on YouTube and watch a perfectly cut scream compilation. Funny videos are a good tool for disrupting those upsetting feelings.