Titles dom domme master mistress

[Wi****]

Hi I'm curious to know if there are any conotations behind the titles of dom, domme, master and mistress do they mean different things.

[Carnelian2]

If you look in the community tab, there is a drop down with archetypes, where it is explained. Master/Mistress is defined as relating more to a permanent D/s relationship thatcembodies more than just BDSM, but again this may be down to preference and the nature of each relationship 

[Deleted Member]

Dom ..Dominant Male.Domme female.. Master tends to refer to Master slave dynamic. Mistress similar connotations to Domme. D/s .. Dominant .submissive ..I.e D/s power exchange. . D/s sub sets his her limits .M/s slaves limits are generally set by the Master in total power exchange dynamic.

Edited September 28, 2018 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

while there are general meanings a lot comes down to your own dynamics - Dom and Domme are pretty much the same except men insist women should be Domme despite there being only one m and no e in Dominant.   

Usually, guys who insist on calling themselves Master are anything but (exceptions apply) 

[MsDazzel]

I have to respectfully disagree with your statement eyemblacksheep.  Domme has it's origins in the french language and is thus the feminine form of Dom.  It is also pronounced Dom-ay, not Dom.  I have seen far more women insist on the use of Domme than men, and I prefer it as well.  It is much like Sir vs. Ma'am.  

[ey****]

It is true that a lot of women (seem to prefer) Domme.

Domme is a place in France. But, I can't find anything else that stands up on the word origin.  

There are however more women I'm seeing that dislike Domme, either they would say this publicly or have private reservations - because it unnecessarily separates them from male Dominants and that they are tired of people who can't pronounce it (Dome, Dom-me, etc.)

I think really, it should just be a personal preference.  If you prefer Domme, cool. If you prefer Dom, cool.   But seriously, watch how many men get up in arms when a woman insists she prefers Dom.

[Mi****]

I’m not exactly sure where the word domme comes from but I have heard that it was a made up word by men to separate male and female dominants. However if it does have its origins in the french language it would not be pronounced domm-ay as the french do not pronounce the last letter of their words so it would be pronounced domm 

[ey****]

yep - I can't post the link but there is a video on youtube showing you how to pronounce Domme - and it's definitely Dom(m) 

No wonder more people don't like to use it ;) 

[MsDazzel]

Well since its on youtube it must be right, right?  I guess lm just old school, and have pronounced it and heard it pronounced as l'd stated earlier for 30 years in various parts of the US and Canada by hundreds of people. Who knew so many people could be wrong, thank goodness youtube finally came along to correct us after so many years. I will admit that l do miss the BDSM community pre-internet, this is one of the reasons why.

[ey****]

there are plenty of explanations for that - but, seriously - France pronounced the word Domme as Dom.  So either hundreds of people in America are wrong, or the entire nation of France.  

[MsDazzel]

You miss my point. Regardless of its origins, it has been pronounced one way by thousands of people for decades, but once people only read the word and didnt hear it, and assumptions began to be made, it was changed by those who didn't know differently until the error was accepted as accurate.  Then when one tries to correct it, they are met with challenges rather than an honest discussion.

[ey****]

ah, yeah - very fair and that's and often... wall or barrier.

There's a guy on another website who is very predictable in many discussions - he's been around a long time, as has his local club - and they had a rule that nobody can use any equipment that hasn't first already been used on them (I don't know how the very first person started or what they do when new equipment or toys are bought?! haha) but because of that it's almost like a system where you can't be a Dominant unless you've been through the motions of first being a sub.   So, he can't comprehend that there are Dominants out there, very good Dominants, who've never been on the receiving end of certain activities or implements.  

So like you say, I think it does open a lot up.

I think the difference in pronunciation could be, as you say, from only seeing it in print - or could be it's own form of in-joke on the spelling.  I think one often forgot about it although there's thousands of years history of BDSM - in terms of "scene" it's got closer to half a century.  So, there's lots of pockets here and there with their own little histories and own developments.  

I think on something like pronunciation it doesn't really matter if everyone knows what you mean - but, then it gets weird - I've been with people who've taken phonecalls or dealt with people and kinda gone "Dom, it's pronounced Dom!" whereas the person on the other end hasn't really known any different.

 

[Deleted Member]

On 9/28/2018 at 2:08 PM, Willow75 said:

Hi I'm curious to know if there are any conotations behind the titles of dom, domme, master and mistress do they mean different things.

Dom Domme Master Mistress all with capital 

[VictoriaBlisse]

37 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

Dom Domme Master Mistress all with capital 

This is something you see a lot, for example you'll see D/s  (Dom/sub) and M/s (Master or Mistress/Slave used a lot. The capital letter denotes the dominant partner. Personally, the capitalisation doesn't bother me, but then I'm an s type. *LOL* 

[Mi****]

13 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

Dom Domme Master Mistress all with capital 

Personally if I'm writing someones name as in Miss/Mistress Whiplash or Master Blaster for example then as they are nouns I will capitalise them but if I am writing about masters/mistresses or doms/dommes in general then I use small letters as they are not nouns. I understand the capitilisation as honourifics but it is the person not the word who is honoured

[Deleted Member]

54 minutes ago, MissTillysue said:

Personally if I'm writing someones name as in Miss/Mistress Whiplash or Master Blaster for example then as they are nouns I will capitalise them but if I am writing about masters/mistresses or doms/dommes in general then I use small letters as they are not nouns. I understand the capitilisation as honourifics but it is the person not the word who is honoured

It’s not about a grammar question or lesson but more about a hierarchy to respect. You don’t write for example the queen of England but the Queen... not my favourite example but typical about what I try to explain. 

My subs would never dare to make a second mistake about not using capital. Without following structure and rules everything collapse, I am not pedantic about it. 

After all we all free here to decide within our own dynamic, If you like to adress your Sir/sir or Sub/sub 

[Mollysdailykiss]

I agree with Miss Tillysue, someones titles is in effect their name and so I would write my partners  but I am a sub and my partner is the dom. And @Willow75 you get to write them however the hell you like. There are not rules about them having to be capital letters unless you are in a relationship with someone who finds them especially important.

[Mi****]

2 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

It’s not about a grammar question or lesson but more about a hierarchy to respect. You don’t write for example the queen of England but the Queen... not my favourite example but typical about what I try to explain. 

My subs would never dare to make a second mistake about not using capital. Without following structure and rules everything collapse, I am not pedantic about it. 

After all we all free here to decide within our own dynamic, If you like to adress your Sir/sir or Sub/sub 

I think this proves my point "The Queen of England is her honourific and pertains to a specific person.

You are free to make whatever rules you like where your own subs are concerned but I find it a tad pedantic to come on to a thread and state they should all be in capitals

[Carnelian2]

4 hours ago, MissTillysue said:

Personally if I'm writing someones name as in Miss/Mistress Whiplash or Master Blaster for example then as they are nouns I will capitalise them but if I am writing about masters/mistresses or doms/dommes in general then I use small letters as they are not nouns. I understand the capitilisation as honourifics but it is the person not the word who is honoured

 I agree with this statement. Forcing someone to capitalise anything does not do anything in terms of actually showing respect. It shows compliance, which can be forced. I think that if someone actually chooses to use the titulation “Master” as a sign of respect, then it is commendable. Like most other things, roles have to be earned and are not given. 

[ey****]

Capitalisation protocol, like many things in BDSM, is very specific to the individual(s) and their preferences.

I had some conversations earlier this year.

Someone who I follow on Twitter, and have met a few times, seemingly out of nowhere declared she was abandoning capital protocol.

That she no longer wished to be referred to Her, She, You, etc.  and that she found it pretentious and fake.

Obviously, this is her preference and opinion and not the law.

I took this to ask some other Ladies I had good relationships with about Their opinions and preferences.

One of which, the Lady who is now my Mistress.  Her response to me was quite special in the sense that She started with a mini detail about how, as a general rule, this isn't something She needed or expected, even if it can be a nice touch.

However, She said, She does expect it from Her close or personal subs/slaves.  But, I don't feel She wants it so much from the respect or heir heirachy.

I mean, when She emails and addresses me, She always capitalises my first/real name whereas I've seen others deliberately lower-case it to show authority.

But, moreso, that it showed an attention to detail having to go through and make sure every instance (You, W/we, O/our, whatever) was capitalised.

Another Lady I spoke to said that She didn't feel it was necessary - but was a very good idea if you wished to impressed people.  They can very easy stand you down if it's not necessary (as has happened with me).

Now, my *personal* preference is for words like Dom(me), Master, Mistress, Dominant, etc. to be capitalised - however - it's not overall necessary.

I think if you see a sub who is not using capital protocol, then unless they are addressing you then it's not a problem.

They're not your sub.

This is something can be corrected should they become your sub and you require it.  It may even be their lack of this protocol means they are not impressing you.  But, I think, just because you insist on (or prefer) something doesn't mean everyone else does.

Mind. I do think it is a good practice for subs to at least capitalise the aforementioned words - as obviously it can be devisive.

If a Dominant refers to some words in lower case then it may imply they are less strict on this protocol, or, less strict on it with, well, people they don't know.

But, I think ultimately, it's no one's place to correct the protocol of someone who isn't their sub or who isn't trying to impress them.

It can be politely pointed out what the protocol is, but, I feel there's no one twue way and assumptions shouldn't be made.