Suggestions on navigating a complicated situation around feelings of submissiveness?

[pearlygrl]

Me and my husband are in a d/s domestic relationship with me as his domme.  I have enjoyed the domme role for years, however, my feelings have changed over the year and I no longer feel dominant and feel connected to my submissive side.

I recently became a surrogate for a friend and gave birth two months ago.  Somehow this recent pregnancy has enlightened me and strangely enough rein***d traditionally sexist, old fashioned thinking about women being pregnant and submissive.  I never believed in this type of thought process, however, as I advanced through the trimesters I found myself being into it to an extent but in a different way.  I began to feel and think differently.  It was subtle at first (i.e., not feeling sexy; being too tired to dominate in bed or too sensitive) and then moved to feeling *** until it intensified and went from feeling *** to submissive.

It also affected my relationship with both my husband , who I no longer felt like domming, and the parents.  They had a vested interest, took care of me, went to appointments etc.  I felt submissive toward them, especially my friend, and that I "owed" them something.  I opened up to her about how I felt and my emotions and found that I enjoyed the feeling of being cared for and treated.  I began to interpret her comments and suggestions almost like commands, felt like I let her down at times, and and found myself seeking her approval for things as stupid as staying up late on New Years eve.  Very odd behaviours from me.

The birth was was super fast (< 3 hours), super intense and excruciatingly ***ful.  I've always felt that in some ways I could control most things but but this was something else on a physical, mental and emotional level.  Having never been through this type of *** I thought I could control it and boy was I wrong. At one point my OB, a young doctor who  just completed her residency, suggested that I not fight my body and surrender to the process and as I took that to heart no longer than 20 minutes passed before gave birth.

I don't know if I can go back to domming and actually want to try and switch with hubby.  I enjoy the feeling of being *** and submissive but worry about how to start.  My husband is totally against switching; he loves being submissive but then only his needs are met.  Any tips on how to navigate this?  I would love to hear suggestions or from people who have experienced something similar or in their relationships.  TIA.

[Deleted Member]

Your hormones changed during the pregnancy and your circumstances are changed, you are *** and need support, naturally you turn to your husband for the support you need. But you have trained him well and now he can only be a beta male. I hope you find the support you need as you transition.

[infenron]

It requires a lot of honest talking and communication, there are lots of ways to both agree to get your needs else where, but I would hope he has at least tried to switch and even if he can't they are listening and giving you the support you need. I have recently been playing with a friend and we have been switching, previously to that I had never wanted to do it but last night actually got into it. Things change people change it's natural.

[xc****]

it’s all about mindset.. it’s probably gonna take some trial and error and lots of communication. he can frame it like he’s still in service to you and maybe for you, it could be more like a power bottom. you’d still have to instruct him in ways but maybe eventually it would be less so. ultimately, if that’s who he is truly is, it may never work and you both will end up unsatisfied and maybe at that point you guys would have to consider whether to get those needs met elsewhere or move on. but it is obviously worth a shot to try. just like you changed.. maybe he will, too.
wish you luck.