Spouse has glasses fetish

[Biggygrrrl]

My husband has had an eyeglass fetish("magnifying" lenses) for his entire life.  He trusted me enough to tell me about it, and showed me what he does(masturbates with them).  We eventually got together, and I thought it would stop when we started getting intimate.  I was wrong.  The next several years were difficult, and I felt unwanted, unneeded and unloved.  We soldiered on, and we got to a place where we have a great sex life, and he still enjoys his fetish.  Anyone else have this experience?

[Deleted Member]

Nope

[Ir****]

I think that's lovely that you have found a way to make it work and you are both happy!

[ar****]

How does he masturbate with them? Does he put the eyeglass on his eye(s) and look through them? Did you incorporate his fetish in your sex life too? Why not?

[Do****]

I like the positivity in this :)
It‘s also not to bad of an advice

[Do****]

„Don‘t let Sex rush you into early giving up“ or something like that

[Biggygrrrl]

Thanks for responding.  I have shared this on another site, but no one responded.  Since the original post, things have improved for the better, because we created an intimate relationship which is successful, and he can still play with his toys when he has his own time, and I am no longer threatened by them.  I didn't realize how hard it was for him to interact with a human being, having only an inanimate object to be with until I came along.  But to his credit, he met me halfway, and I had to relate to him differently and throw out what I was used to in order to find out what did turn him on.  We had our issues but with time, patience, and openness on both our parts, we have a beautiful sex life we wouldn't trade for anything.  I know I'm not the only one male or female with this situation, just wanted to share our experience so someone else knows there is hope for their own happy ending.

[ar****]

11 hours ago, Biggygrrrl said:

Thanks for responding.  I have shared this on another site, but no one responded.  Since the original post, things have improved for the better, because we created an intimate relationship which is successful, and he can still play with his toys when he has his own time, and I am no longer threatened by them.  I didn't realize how hard it was for him to interact with a human being, having only an inanimate object to be with until I came along.  But to his credit, he met me halfway, and I had to relate to him differently and throw out what I was used to in order to find out what did turn him on.  We had our issues but with time, patience, and openness on both our parts, we have a beautiful sex life we wouldn't trade for anything.  I know I'm not the only one male or female with this situation, just wanted to share our experience so someone else knows there is hope for their own happy ending.

I wonder though... You have been married to this man for over a decade. You never created an intimate relationship during that time? You must've known about his nature and obsession, yet it never really was brought up in conversation?
.
What happened that you were able to relate to him differently this time. Did you gain an insight, had an epiphany? I wonder about what changed so that you could connect to him?🤔

[Biggygrrrl]

When we first started out, we were strictly friends, and he brought it up in a roundabout way.  Eventually, he did share this with me, and I wanted to understand it.  Keep in mind, I was under the assumption that this was something he was into, but could easily put aside when he was with a woman(myself or any woman).  I had been with other men with kinks who could still do vanilla.  I didn't understand, once we became sexually involved that this was something he actually NEEDED in order to be satisfied, so as a result, I took his "rejection" personally (I have since learned recently that there is a difference between a kink and a fetish).  He was NOT rejecting me, he had never had a relationship with a live human other than himself and his glasses all of his life, and to do that was very difficult for him, and in hindsight I see that now.  We loved each other, but didn't have a roadmap on how to meet each other's needs.  Through trial and error, a LOT of honesty, and willingness to adapt on BOTH our parts,  we found other ways to be sexual that were working for both of us, and he discovered he DID have the ability to please me(or any woman in the future), just in a different way that was special to me, and his success grew with each encounter.  He even initiates our lovemaking today.  I am loved, and cherished, and in turn he is loved, cherished, accepted, secure in himself, and doesn't have to change who is is.  This has been hard-won, and we both got we needed.  I'm glad we didn't give up, even when we didn't know what we were doing.  We taught each other, and have been rewarded as a result of our hard work.

[ar****]

8 hours ago, Biggygrrrl said:

When we first started out, we were strictly friends, and he brought it up in a roundabout way.  Eventually, he did share this with me, and I wanted to understand it.  Keep in mind, I was under the assumption that this was something he was into, but could easily put aside when he was with a woman(myself or any woman).  I had been with other men with kinks who could still do vanilla.  I didn't understand, once we became sexually involved that this was something he actually NEEDED in order to be satisfied, so as a result, I took his "rejection" personally (I have since learned recently that there is a difference between a kink and a fetish).  He was NOT rejecting me, he had never had a relationship with a live human other than himself and his glasses all of his life, and to do that was very difficult for him, and in hindsight I see that now.  We loved each other, but didn't have a roadmap on how to meet each other's needs.  Through trial and error, a LOT of honesty, and willingness to adapt on BOTH our parts,  we found other ways to be sexual that were working for both of us, and he discovered he DID have the ability to please me(or any woman in the future), just in a different way that was special to me, and his success grew with each encounter.  He even initiates our lovemaking today.  I am loved, and cherished, and in turn he is loved, cherished, accepted, secure in himself, and doesn't have to change who is is.  This has been hard-won, and we both got we needed.  I'm glad we didn't give up, even when we didn't know what we were doing.  We taught each other, and have been rewarded as a result of our hard work.

Awesome, really great how the two of you found middle ground, despite you initially feeling (assuming) he rejected you. Perhaps you could say that you both spoke a different love language, and you had to figure out an interpretation and common ground together. Thanks for sharing!

[Biggygrrrl]

When you put it that way, you're absolutely right.  We do have different "languages" in our relationship, and that took several years of "school" to learn how to accept each other's backgrounds, and be able and willing to learn new lessons, which benefitted us both.  As we have not met others like us, that's why I brought it here, to see if anyone else is in this situation, and how they made it work(or not).  Thanks for sharing!!!