How does mentoring work?

[Deleted Member]

I guess mentoring is a thing in the BDSM community. 

[ey****]

it's a thing, but probably not as common place as implied

generally we're talking one-to-one training and guidance

scenario : you are in a relationship with someone and you both wish to add kink but are struggling - perhaps in developing the skills to do activities or with structure/behaviour etc. but you know a person or in your local community who is experienced or have a relationship similar to what you strive for.  Mentoring could include watching how they interact together, talking through what is done and why - talks on equipment and caring for it as well as using it

alternatively, you might not be in a relationship but strive to have the skills or knowledge should you develop one

or, I know there are assorted Professional ladies mentor each other - I was with a lady who is going through similar at the weekend and last year I was a test dummy for a couple of ladies who were learning skills and needed an experienced sub to demo on.

general structure can vary, you can have Dominants mentoring Dominants - but any combinations... traditionally your mentor shouldn't also be your play partner - I'm not saying no, but, if you are learning from the person you are playing with they're going to train you as they like which could be too much topping from the bottom and/or have potential for persuading someone dangerous/non-consensual play is normal.    Exceptions apply.

The problem : while many scenes and areas do have people active that are very experienced there has to be SOME form of incentive for them to give up their time to mentor you.

If they are your friend, that is one thing and I know people who have been mentored by people they've friended and built up trust with.

Or, it may be a financial basis.

I'd often say if you wish to learn new skills, attending workshops is often the best way - if nothing else, it just takes on perosn in attendance to go "no, that's wrong" if something isn't been taught correctly, something lacking in one-to-one interactions.

[Re****]

We had someone offer to 'mentor' us, turned out he was just a manipulator looking to get his fun by proxy, luckily we are intelligent and clued up people so told him to sod off in about 5 minutes. Am sure there are genuine folk out there willing to help but in all honesty I think the journey of discovery is a wonderful thing so why rush, take your time on your own path I say.

[Deleted Member]

Mentoring is great but you need to find the right person that the hard part. I had one years ago and I was incredibly fortunate to find someone with no ulterior motives. Main point educate yourself so you can ask the right questions.

[ey****]

yeah, that's the other thing - if you do want a mentor then making sure they're actually experienced and not manipulative is a big part also.

So, if you wish to find someone you do need to research either professionals or experienced people in your local scene.

Myself, I'm perfectly happy to knowledge share or give tips - but as experienced as I am, I still wouldn't be the right mentor for many.