Attention and insecurities

[Briansy]

A post about people and insecurities. And a question.

I'm really bad with people I was never good with them. I can't talk to girls I have no confidence and rarely a girl might talk to me online showing interest but it feels more like bullying the way they go about it. Just makes me feel like I deserve to be alone like I'll never have anything. Does anyone else have any issue like that?😣

[Deleted Member]

Hugs 💚

[Kar_som]

I also have same issue but life is going on. Sometime I feel same about everyone. May be it is because I am different than anyone else but i have hope to find some good friends.
Whole world realise on axis of hope.

[Deleted Member]

Go to the gym, make that a second home (it'll help with confidence), be confident and try to not care what people think of you (that'll help with confidence) don't chase either, try and strike up a conversation and if the vibe isn't there then move on, if she wants you she will make it obvious < hard to do online but face to face it's easy. If you focus on yourself like health, *** ect ect then women will be much more welcoming to you. I had the same issue until I started gym, gym helped me get out of that but it takes time and won't happen by tomorrow. It's the long game and you've gotta remember that.
Just remember it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you most people you'll never see or encounter again and people who know you will have a laugh then forget the next day and carry on with their lives so don't worry about making a fool out of your self because it won't effect your life, you may be embarrassed for a few mins but then it's past and no one cares 😅

[TryMeBoo]

Mad hearing that, coz you are actually really good looking, I've been struggling my whole life, clinging to the first girl that looked my way, ending up in some f*ed up relationships as the result... The really hard thing, that I've heard a lot, is that the harder you look, the less ladies you'll find. Work on yourself rather than finding ladies, find things you love and enjoy, hobbies, preferably outdoor activities to give you a chance to come across someone, and just talk to people, you see a lady in a shop, don't hit on her, just comment on the prices of stuff or say something funny... "At the rate this is going, soon we will be taking mortgage to buy a yoghourt" etc. Then you count on seeing them again and again, smile smile smile, and then ask to go out... I mean my example is horrible but just try to build positivity around you, look at what older gentlemen do, they always talk to everyone and smile, and are approachable, fun and interesting to be around, be that person, I'm foreign English speaker, so I can do this so well when I'm in my country speaking in my tongue, not gonna lie I can't do it in the UK. But yeah, sense of humour to catch a lady, cunnilingus to keep a lady (just kidding 😂 it helps though) most of the time, ladies can put up with so much in a relationship (respect), just don't be a dick and she'll stay round.

[Ki****]

I have the same problem only with men

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Kimber469ing said:

I have the same problem only with men

Really ? That's surprising maybe you are coming across more shy men than confident men ?

[Ba****]

I've had issues with that, but for my gay ass it was talking to guys. I've been single for about two-three years. I know there's some people out for me. I know I won't be alone forever, mainly because that doesn't make sense. I want a relationship, I want to have boyfriends/Doms again. For me to end up alone? Nah.
You've just got to get through this bit. I only realized it after I had been reading about why psychology and shit. You'll find the girl that'll love you. You've got to give it time.

[sa****]

I'd like to to suggest, and I may be alone in this, that when it comes to finding partners/dates/playmates etc you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
I know that might sound stupid but in high school me and my friends would have contests at the mall to see who could get the most phone numbers. Didn't matter how they looked or whatever it was a numbers game.
So I had to *** myself to become comfortable with approaching and talking to females.
Just a thought.
Maybe u could set a daily number of female to reach out to and include something in ur message that ur learning how to approach, asking for their feedback.
Might be a sucky idea but nothing ventured nothing lost.

As a side note, talking to women is a entirely new skill in my 40's that hasn't been mastered so I may, in fact... Not know WTH I'm talking about.
But it was offered up with the best of intentions.

[Nocturne]

I'd recommend talking to more people IRL in general. See a stranger with a striking sense of style? Walk up to them and tell them. See if they want to have a conversation, if it flows, flow with it, if it doesn't, don't push it, keep doing that, see whether you notice people having interests (notice by merch, for example, or gear) and ask them about it, especially if you do something similar, ask them what got them interested in it. When you become comfortable talking to more people IRL, you'll have made yourself known in the spaces you go through and thus hopefully have a chance at being recognised every so often as 'that friendly person', and it will be easier to notice social cues, that way when you approach someone you find attractive you might have an easier time continuing the conversation, and knowing whether you should continue the conversation. 

I also advice not to keep the goal of dating/fucking in mind, just talk to everyone in an equal manner and you might notice a spark of interest between you and another person. 

Don't let insecurity get the best of you, if you express to someone you're trying to flirt with that you feel like no one ever wants you, they might see it as a red flag, or if they have ill intentions, they might use it against you.

You'll get more comfortable, keep your head up and put yourself out there, good luck.

[sa****]

I'm looking for an update how have things been going for you?

[Fe****]

It's a game for most girls. The more attention they get, the more they seek it. And I think they have the Cosmopolitan fairy tale image on what a man should look like or be. So if you don't have the toned muscles, greasy curly locks, neatly trimmed facial hair or a fancy car to drive them around in you will be hard pressed to find a woman who is not distracted by the shiny things. Just think of Dori in Finding Nemo.