Trust, an uncommonly common social problem or a me problem?

[Fa****]

“Trust me.”

“I can’t.”

“You will. Trust me.”

“I won’t. I’m scared.”

“You don’t need to be. Trust me, I’m real.”

“I don’t know you.”

“Trust me, I’m safe, I’ve done this before.”

“How many times?”

“That doesn’t matter. I know what I’m doing. Let yourself go and fall into me, fall for me, I’ll catch you.”

“Really?”

“I promise. Trust me. I’m not talking to anyone else, I only want you, I only need you. Princess, baby girl, TRUST ME.”

And so it begins. The spiral into trust, into letting oneself be open and vulnerable, letting another person in to see the deep, dark, awful secrets I hide.

Trust is a necessary evil. It can be given, it can be taken, it can be used to hurt and abuse and can be trampled on wildly.

Some would argue that new experiences and relationships aren’t and shouldn’t be tainted by our past. I don’t believe that per se.

I do believe that each encounter we have is unique. HOWEVER, I also believe that we learn by what we have been taught in life.

For example, if I touch a hot pan and burn myself I will take better precautions in future to protect myself. Likewise if something has happened to me in a relationship previously and I see signs of the same thing again I will put my guard up and instigate measures (maybe unnecessary ones or OTT ones) to protect my heart and emotions.

It’s life.

It’s fight or fight and part of our very core survival mechanisms.

So, because of my past (or perhaps even in spite of it) it takes a lot for me to trust. It takes a lot to believe in possibility and want and desire (for me not by me) and it takes minimal for that trust to be eroded.

It takes a word, a sentence, a read and didn’t reply, an energy shift and I’m on high alert. My adrenaline kicks in and my sensible head takes over, I do what I need to do to be safe and usually that means I take a huge step back.

I totally get that this is a HUGE pain in the arse for the other person but it’s my safety blanket. If you want me, if you want the real me, you’ll learn to not only understand it but to reassure me and support me when I panic. Believe me, if I care, I’d do the same for you.

Love,

X

 

Edited September 15 by FatefulDestiny
Grammar

[go****]

I read this and it's like it was written for me. I wholeheartedly agree with everything written here and it's so hard to find someone who is willing to understand me but also be patient when I panic x

[Fa****]

49 minutes ago, goodgirl1387 said:

I read this and it's like it was written for me. I wholeheartedly agree with everything written here and it's so hard to find someone who is willing to understand me but also be patient when I panic x

I feel you hunni. It’s a very delicate balance and very, very hard to find xx

[Dusky]

Pushing isn't sexy to me. The "don't take no for an answer" idiocy is not something I ascribe to nor encourage. I state my intention and stand firm. I am confident in who I am and what I do and do not tolerate. If the other person is interested, they will shed their aggressive posturing like a snake skin, circling, curious, and will eventually "show throat"--kindly, politely, deliciously.

Trust isn't pressed. It is a patient waiting, showing that you can be trusted--no sudden moves, communicative, firm, safe.

You deserve nothing less.

Edited September 16 by Dusky
[grammar perfectionism]