Advice - Daddy cheated :(

[fl****]

Hi DDLG freaks ;) plain and simple, my second daddy I’ve ever had who I reaaaaally care about, cheated. I’m having a difficult time because even though I’m not monogamous, catching feels complicates things. How do I get over this Daddy? Or move forward with him? Open to advice from current Daddies and other littles because this shit is rough 😔

[Deleted Member]

Not a daddy or little. Was there a talk about what constitutes cheating?

[Chloe3005]

Hey cutie, fellow little here! The most important thing in a ddlg dynamic is communication. If you’re not monogamous then it wouldn’t technically be cheating but if there are boundaries involved that you’ve spoken about then that’s not okay. I would just be completely honest and open about how you really feel and if your daddy can’t give you what you want then there will be a daddy out there who can. You’ve got this! 🩷

[Deleted Member]

Hey not a daddy nor little but thats a conversation that needs to be said at the beginning of any type of relationship. Bc if there is no title with the both of you stating other wise, then technically he never cheated. It sounds like you caught feelings and maybe everyrhing was moving to fast. But on the other hand, you need to communicate with him about you feel, the longer you hold it in it might get worse and you might grow to hate him and be spiteful towards others

[Deleted Member]

As a switch I've been in both positions, try and let it go and realize extremely dominant people can be difficult when it comes to controlling who they hook up with. Just comes with the nature of dominance vs submission.
Either that or go for someone a little less dominant. That's my advice.

[Se****]

10 minutes ago, Lucky_Lars said:

As a switch I've been in both positions, try and let it go and realize extremely dominant people can be difficult when it comes to controlling who they hook up with. Just comes with the nature of dominance vs submission.
Either that or go for someone a little less dominant. That's my advice.

Can I ask you to elaborate on/clarify this further please? It sounds like you’re saying that if someone is “extremely dominant” they can’t control the fact that they “hook up” with others ie cheat. And I’m sure that’s not what you’re saying, because that would be crazy. 

[Ki****]

It’s easier if they just tell you right up front instead of keeping it hidden that makes trust issues arise in every area

[MasterP-6801]

if he owns you it’s his business not yours. This is why I am upfront about this. Unless he promised you were an only child, he did nothing wrong.

[Ki****]

1 minute ago, MasterP-6801 said:

if he owns you it’s his business not yours. This is why I am upfront about this. Unless he promised you were an only child, he did nothing wrong.

That’s why I won’t be a slave I would only be a sub because of sub has a voice and can be heard about what she will agree with and what she won’t agree with

[Deleted Member]

Nono just saying as a SUBMISSIVE person, it's challenging to switch the domain when it comes to asking the other person not to. No no not saying very dominant people have a hard time with controlling themselves, just that when as a submissive person you tell them to not sleep with others as a condition of the relationship its a bit of a flip in the dynamic. This is just from my relationships in the past. The Dominant people I've been with have tended to not taken very kindly to that

[Deleted Member]

And if that's the case in the relationship and the communication wasn't extremely well laid out in the first place it can lead to issues later on in the dynamic between 2 people

[Si****]

Monogamous or not, regardless of role cheating is cheating. You enter into an agreement and you consent based on the circumstances surrounding that agreement. If the other party fundamentally changes things without getting your agreement, then that’s a consent ***. 
 

My advice to you OP is walk away with your head held high and when you’ve healed, find someone worthy of your submission.

[MasterP-6801]

11 minutes ago, Kimber469ing said:

That’s why I won’t be a slave I would only be a sub because of sub has a voice and can be heard about what she will agree with and what she won’t agree with

That is sensible, but of course comes at a price.

[Deleted Member]

You poor thing! Please ignore what several people have said about him “not cheating” because you’re non-monogamous. That’s bull-shit. Ethical non-monogamy does not mean going round sleeping or playing with everyone you want to regardless of your other partner(s)! ENM is discussing things upfront BEFORE they happen, not going behind a partner’s back.
Seriously, some of the commentators on here seem to have forgotten that as a kink space we hold consent and honesty as the highest of values!

I hate to say it but if he has shown himself to be a cheater then IMO the relationship is not worth salvaging. He has recognised your inexperience and taken advantage.
The feelings are big, and hurting and it’s so incredibly difficult, but give yourself space to grieve, grow and come out the other side knowing you are worth much more than that sort of treatment!

[Si****]

16 minutes ago, MasterP-6801 said:

if he owns you it’s his business not yours. This is why I am upfront about this. Unless he promised you were an only child, he did nothing wrong.

Only if it’s TPE - otherwise consent is needed. 
If I’ve read the OP correctly this is a DDlg dynamic rather than M/s.

[DeviantInside]

I think without further understanding it’s hard to know what to advise. You said you are non monotonous. Was there a discussed understanding of what that entails for you both? Was it clear what you both needed and wanted and what the dynamic and boundaries were? What did the cheating entail and why did it hurt so much for you? There are sliding scales for all of this and people will find what works for them. As said above clear communication is key.

That said once trust is broken it is hard (but not impossible) to regain it. The amygdala/hippocampus will always play out worst case scenarios. So to build up trust again sometime it will take going over and above to prove trust again. And sometimes that is more than the person is happy or willing to do. Sometimes people are willing to forgive because what is there is worth it for them. It is always down to the individuals involved and what they are happy to accept or not.

This also plays into grief. Grief isn’t always about a bereavement, it’s also about any loss of hoped for or expected future. And all the stages of grief may or may not apply. Time helps, focusing on doing what you need to do for mental health generally allows the brain to process (endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine) spending time with friends family pets etc, doing positive things for you, cathartic exercises (drawing, music, jigsaws, writing etc etc), exercise. All allow the brain to process and move forward.

[yo****]

Hi flame...yea, this is always a complicated thing, for many reasons. Just based on your profile, and pics, I’d conclude you’re an extremely attractive, young girl, and having accepted the “submissive for daddy” role, one that pretty much could have whoever you chose. If your partner didn’t find you appealing enough to protect the relationship from other women...well, he doesn’t deserve to have you at all imo. I’d lose him without hesitation, but be very careful who you get emotionally attached to next ... be sure he treasures you enough for you to be his only love interest. Life is too short to tolerate relationships with ungrateful, unappreciative partners 😇

[Lu****]

Not a daddy nor a little ..

In addition to all of the above great advice … communication is key ! 

 

Communication - up front to agree the dynamics and boundaries  

Communication - throughout to check in and be open if anything changes or develops .. including feels or new external dynamics 

Communication - when things happen … like now.  
 

If feels are involved talk and seek to understand before making your decision.  
 

Good luck x

[Ia****]

All I can say is I’m sorry!🌸

[De****]

2 hours ago, Lucky_Lars said:

As a switch I've been in both positions, try and let it go and realize extremely dominant people can be difficult when it comes to controlling who they hook up with. Just comes with the nature of dominance vs submission.
Either that or go for someone a little less dominant. That's my advice.

Dominant people lack control? Kind of a juxtaposition there. 😳😳😳

[Ia****]

I have fought with my control issues for years so I understand

[co****]

I would say did he cheat or is he also non monogamous? If so it’s a no brained… if you have some type of agreement then you should talk to him… I was and still will be in the swingers lifestyle but we have rules/boundaries and if they are broken there is a price to pay.. communication is the key…

[No_0ne]

Wait I'm confused you're not in a monogamous relationship so how did he cheat exactly?

[GreyHogandBrat]

If he did something unexpected, then discuss it with him since it obviously upsets you. If you two had discussed him not having others or he hid things from you, then he has violated trust, and that is almost impossible to ever fully recover. Pretty simple to me, if you can trust him to be honest with you, he's worth keeping. If he's a dog, he will always be a dog.

[Si****]

49 minutes ago, Pocket_Sand said:

Wait I'm confused you're not in a monogamous relationship so how did he cheat exactly?

Doing it without her knowledge or agreement is, in plain terms - cheating!