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Advice - Daddy cheated :(


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4 hours ago, Lucky_Lars said:

just that when as a submissive person you tell them to not sleep with others as a condition of the relationship its a bit of a flip in the dynamic.

It’s not a flip in the dynamic at all, it’s setting boundaries: “I would like to submit to you but I have the following limits, if you agree to those then I’m happy to submit to you. If you don’t then I won’t submit”.

Hey Princess,
Just wanted to say firstly that I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this issue, No one No matter what the Dynamic should ever have to feel like they've been cheated on, especially in a Dd/lg one.
A little is above all other kinksters the most *** of Us, you haven't just given your Submission you have found someone that you feel at the time you can lower ALL of your inhibitions and place yourself Completely within their hands, Safety, Security, Protection and Trust are the Big words in this Dynamic.
I haven't been a Daddy for quite some time now but I can say from My past experiences that I always had written down in a contract or just a list all of Our Limits, hard and soft, exactly what is acceptable, what is a possibility if discussed heavily and what is an absolutely No Go area or Scenario.
Limits are scripture when it comes to it, there are No grey lines or wiggle room within this Partnership.
So if you have spoken or written down that Cheating must NEVER happen, unless you have agreed that if spoken about it can, then this is a HARD LIMIT.
A little is someone who needs to know that No matter what, their Protector has their best interests at heart, there's No "Buts, Ifs or Maybes", they need to be able to Completely Trust their Partner as they are so *** in their LittleSpace, Before and After.
Even a Tween or Middle can speak up if this happens but a little is a completely different Mind Space, it is so much more ***.
I'm sorry to say that if you feel like you've been cheated on then you have, it doesn't matter what We all say here. If you have that gut-wrenching feeling then you have to trust it Little Lady, I really am Sorry.
I can fully understand that the option to have to extinguish your Dynamic is a very sad and difficult one, but you will always have that feeling in your stomach and mind from now on, even if He says it wasn't cheating, you will feel different.
I would say that you are better off having to go through all the heartache of finding another Ddy than staying with one that your Trust isn't fully with.
Cause somewhere down the line will come a point where you have to handover complete Control to him and if you can't do that fully without hesitation in this Lifestyle then that's when people get really messed up or hurt both Physically and Mentally.
Just always remember Little Princess that you are the one giving a part of yourself that is Fully Trusting, Fully Loyal and Fully In the Dynamic...
... There is NO grey areas for a little, it is all or nothing.

I really hope that some of these words help and ring true for you little lady, I hope that you make the best decision for YOUR best interests and that when you come out the other side you realise that even though it's a seriously Shitty Stick you got handed, you will Evolve into an even more Beautiful and Exquisite Little Lady, if that's possible in your case... 😊

With All Honour,
Woody, Sir/GentDom.
So sorry Sweetie, the scumbag doesn't deserve you.
Move on and find someone who does deserve you

Hope you feel better soon 🤗❣️
If you have relationship boundaries worked out to where what he did is cheating, id advise to move on. Cheatings cheating. Dom/sub doesnt forgive, trust busted. GOODBYE. Doms need to earn trust.

If you feel cheated on but its within the boundaries of your relationship but you feel hurt regardless then in my opinion its worth talking about and expressing your feelings. You may still need to move on or you might find what you are looking for.

Dont settle for less then you want, ever.
And no roles dont make cheating ok ever.

You do not have less rights as a submissive. You have trust in a dom and give up the power and control to them because you trust them.

Dont lose sight of that.
via the magic of communication. You're not monogamous, so maybe he expected he didn't have to be either and went about being, well, not monogamous. And now you're upset by that, so you have to find out if its OK or you turn out to be monogamous with him after all. If you're only upset that he went behind your back in thise respect, then you have to ask if he though he needed permission or to tell you first. Could be he thought it was OK to do so given the non-monogamous relationship you have. So.. talk to him, tell him.
This is not an easy one to process. Trust is everything in this lifestyle, and to violate it is an atrocity. I can’t tell you what to do, because a strong attachment is hard to let go of, but I do want you to answer a couple questions for yourself. If you forgive him and push through, will you ever fully trust him again, and what would you need to do so? If you let him go, are you prepared to deal with the *** of separation, and keep yourself together through the process?

Regardless of titles-  "monogamous" or "non-monogamous" what is clear, is that for you the trust has been broken. So you have to decide if it's something you can emotionally get past and continue with your arrangement or not. My heart goes out to you, this must be a very difficult and confusing time for you. 😘

18 hours ago, flameprincess333 said:

Hi DDLG freaks ;) plain and simple, my second daddy I’ve ever had who I reaaaaally care about, cheated. I’m having a difficult time because even though I’m not monogamous, catching feels complicates things. How do I get over this Daddy? Or move forward with him? Open to advice from current Daddies and other littles because this shit is rough 😔

Hi, I want to reiterate what others have said and add that I’m sorry you have to deal with this.  I tend toward the Daddy type and can understand how challenging it is when Daddy cheats.  You’ve had a lot of advice around communication and ethical non monogamy, so I won’t bore you with more.  Let me answer your questions though.  Getting over anyone is tough, made that much more so by the ddlg dynamic. You may be entering the grieving process which is a natural part of having a close attachment such as a ddlg one end or be ruptured. There are many tools to help with this process, although none is as important as receiving the support and care of others (including therapy at times).  It is natural to be hurt and to grieve the relationship in situations such as these, and receiving support and honoring the process are important parts of healing.  Your second question is a bit more complicated.  As stated by others, it sounds like the safety of the bond and attachment have been ruptured.  Repair of the rupture in this case would require that your Daddy wants to do so.  ENM requires safety, open communication, and trust.  If those have been violated, then they need to be worked on overtly and the bond repaired.  This route requires something challenging of you: 1) that you are clear about what boundaries have been violated, 2) you work with your Daddy to repair this, with part of the discussion being what are the consequences would be enacted should this happen again, and 3) you forgive as a part of the process.  The last is most challenging.  Forgiveness does not mean condoning the behavior or tolerating that it occur again.  It is the opening of yourself to the possibility of repair, and the removal from yourself of any guilt or shame you feel around this.  It is for you much more than for him.  This second question often needs a therapist to support.  Sorry about the long winded answer and that I can’t give you direction on what to do. But, I did want to answer your questions.  I hope you find peace in this journey.

Fuck him off
You’re stronger than you think
He won’t be sorry he’ll be sorry he got caught
You might be a little , doesn’t mean your not human
And your feelings are paramount
He’s supposed to look after you
Trust has gone
Stay strong , you’ll find another
Time is your friend for now to get over this
Go out with your mates and have some you time
Hope this helps
Regards Derek
17 hours ago, 4RCH said:

It’s not a flip in the dynamic at all, it’s setting boundaries: “I would like to submit to you but I have the following limits, if you agree to those then I’m happy to submit to you. If you don’t then I won’t submit”.

Ayy that's fine, just sayin my experience with people has been that they've seen it as a bit of a *** of THEIR boundaries within the relationship and therefore the relationship didn't work. I'm saying that the boundaries need to be set suuuuper far in advance so that it doesn't lead to situations like mine did

true daddy/dom would never do that. its about taking care of something no matter what. your better off finding the real thing
  • 4 weeks later...
I’m new here so not experienced in this but I want to be in DDLG relationship but yeah I say in relationships in general I believe it’s about love that’s the foundation and there’s trust, commitment, loyalty, and more that goes into it anyway I don’t know you or your situation and you know what you want in relationship so my advice is follow your heart and do what’s best for you hope that helps
As a little, this is the absolute one thing I believe is unforgivable. I feel for you and am so sorry this happened. If you guys had this agreement where you both have the ability to see others, I still believe the communication needed to be more open. That is not fair to you, but when you say cheating- it sounds as if he went out without your knowledge. That is not how true successful relationships should work. I would talk to him about it and address the situation. You know him and your relationship better than anyone, so you should make a determination from there. My opinion, I’d been gone. You don’t deserve to have to stress or worry about whether your daddy is faithful.
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