Ziggy-8544 Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 (edited) Hi kinky people, I wanted to hear from people who have gone to munches in person/real life. Did you feel "ready" before you went, or did you just say "fuck it!" and go with it? I have a lot of anxiety about going to a munch myself, but I think I might be ready to take that next step. I know people on the internet can't tell me if I'm ready, but how did you know you were? Did you know? What are munches like exactly? I feel like if I knew more, it would be less scary. Maybe I watched too much G.I. Joe as a kid? *I suppose the question I would appreciate answered the most would be what conversation is going to be like mostly. Is it going to be heavy kink and fetish discussion? Is it just getting to know people? Edited September 5, 2019 by ziggy to add more information*
ey**** Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 first time I went was a kinda "fuck it" moment - we'd been thinking about it for 2-3 months Conversation could flow wildly. Which can be good, because if you're stuck in a conversation you can't feel you can contribute the next one might be easier and it could be anything from TV, sport, comics, politics, kink.... The only kinda advice on conversations is don't really push for personal info. On one hand it's rude - on another there could be a little wariness at first if you're a stranger.
Ziggy-8544 Posted September 5, 2019 Author Posted September 5, 2019 1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said: Conversation could flow wildly. Which can be good, because if you're stuck in a conversation you can't feel you can contribute the next one might be easier and it could be anything from TV, sport, comics, politics, kink.... The only kinda advice on conversations is don't really push for personal info. On one hand it's rude - on another there could be a little wariness at first if you're a stranger. Thanks for the comments, this is all really good info. It sounds much more like a networking event than anything. Are there munches that end in play, or is that another kind of event usually?
Mollysdailykiss Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 Well my fuck it moment led me to my 1st munch which I actually started because no one ran one where I lived. That was over 8 years ago and I still run the munch now. it has been the most amazing thing bringing me friendships I never could have imagined. My advice, go for it. Message the event organiser beforehand if possible and ask any questions you have about the event or venue. Remember nearly all munches are purely social events and not play events and so this is your chance to just socialise and get to make some local friends Mollyx
Tallulah Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 I'm also trying to find the courage to go to my first munch. I've found a local one but don't know if I can overcome my shyness. Pity we aren't close. Could have gone together. Good luck x
Shout_out Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 I have also never been. Don’t really know how to pluck up the courage and go. Might I be deemed to mild for bdsm? I always thought it was for people who are hardcore into it, who already in some sort of activity, or group together.
ey**** Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 10 hours ago, ziggy said: It sounds much more like a networking event than anything it is 10 hours ago, ziggy said: Are there munches that end in play, or is that another kind of event usually? munches are usually in vanilla settings - like a bar or restaurant - so no play. There are "play munches" which exist which are held at some dungeons but again, no certainty people there will want to play with someone they just met - and of course building trust and friends may lead to play. 5 hours ago, Alexya said: What is a munch? a social event in a vanilla/neutral setting where kinky people can socialise 1 hour ago, Shout_out said: Might I be deemed to mild for bdsm? no. but they're not just BDSM, but fetish in general 1 hour ago, Shout_out said: I always thought it was for people who are hardcore into it absolutely not - if anything, munches are also designed as being gateways for newcomers, as well as a safe social environment for not so newcomers
Deleted Member Posted September 6, 2019 Posted September 6, 2019 You need to go with your mind set like it’s just a evening out in a pub. The only difference it’s you all know that you are in the same club 😈. You don’t have to talk or interact with the others. Just listen, watch if the organisers chose a specific subject or topic on that evening. Could be a rope chat or wax or maybe home made paddle etc.. it’s really chill out. Best way it’s to chat with others online who will attend that evening, then you could feel more relax if you know someone there to chaperone you. Enjoy
Ziggy-8544 Posted September 6, 2019 Author Posted September 6, 2019 27 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: You need to go with your mind set like it’s just a evening out in a pub. The only difference it’s you all know that you are in the same club 😈. You don’t have to talk or interact with the others. Just listen, watch if the organisers chose a specific subject or topic on that evening. Could be a rope chat or wax or maybe home made paddle etc.. it’s really chill out. Best way it’s to chat with others online who will attend that evening, then you could feel more relax if you know someone there to chaperone you. Enjoy Thanks for the advice! Unfortunately, treating it like a night at the bar is not a relatable experience for me. That's not my cup of tea.
Deleted Member Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 7 hours ago, ziggy said: Thanks for the advice! Unfortunately, treating it like a night at the bar is not a relatable experience for me. That's not my cup of tea. Well, change it from a bar to a tea salon... it was a general example... but most munches are happening in a pub
Ziggy-8544 Posted September 7, 2019 Author Posted September 7, 2019 5 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: Well, change it from a bar to a tea salon... it was a general example... but most munches are happening in a pub Fair enough. Good to know they usually happen in bars. This probably isn't my scene.
ey**** Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 just out of curiousity - what did you think they were? what MAY be your scene?
Ziggy-8544 Posted September 7, 2019 Author Posted September 7, 2019 6 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: just out of curiousity - what did you think they were? what MAY be your scene? I thought that munches took place at a coffee shop or somewhere that didn't involve alcohol. If it involves alcohol or a bar, I'm not into it.
ey**** Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 totally fair and you know - this is a topic that comes up a lot. In our locality we've multiple munches and only one is at an alcohol-free location. And a lot of play events even those without a licensed bar usually have some agreement regarding alcohol. Obviously, you don't have to drink - but, I also know what you mean. Do try to find out what is happening near you because it may well be someone is doing an alcohol free munch.
Ziggy-8544 Posted September 7, 2019 Author Posted September 7, 2019 Thanks, I'll keep an eye out for dry munches! Hopefully they're the norm here.
Re**** Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 All I will add is if and when you do attend a munch don't be put off if it's not the greatest experience. We had an extremely awkward first (and only to date) munch, we were confident and outgoing, chatted to a few people, however it was badly organised, the host was not at all welcoming and appeared to only be interested in talking to his known circle, I won't delve further into this. We will attend another one, but in a different area. The one we attended was held in a pub but it wasn't an alcohol driven event, some enjoyed a social pint or two and others had soft drinks, a pub venue doesn't dictate a drinking session. Good luck.
MistressWhilplash Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 I went to a local club near me first. Because I preferred to give play then chat as I am a do-it person. So years later I was known well locally before I went to a Munch. Everyone was new once and gets it that you will be nervous. They want to welcome you. Message the Munch Organiser a week before at leat, to ask them to meet you outside the Munch and walk in with you. That will help you okay. Drinks & bars snacks with friendly chat is all that will happen. Zero else. Mistress Whipplash Ma'am
sm**** Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 I had no choice, i started out first ones. Back then, especially in the UK they were few and far between, it wasn't unusual for people to travel a few hundred miles to attend. Now they seem ten a penny. So i had to bite the bullet and put a brave face on it....... shitting myself...not literally haha
Deleted Member Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 I recently went to my first munch, was very nervous about going but contacted one of the munch organisers who met me outside to make it easier for me. The people who attended were all very welcoming, I relaxed after about 5 minutes and am definitely going again. I did have some encouragement from friends to go and had a friend at the end of the phone if I needed them. Just remember if you go and aren't having a good time you can leave and that they all had a first time once so will hopefully understand if you are nervous. Hope you do go!! A friend of mine relayed a good quote.....nothing to *** but *** itself! which helped me a lot.
sm**** Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 Luckily most good run munches have a meet and greet also a newbie first half hour where old hands are discouraged from attending so they don't scare new people off until the normal start time. I think everyone is apprehensive at the first one, I came across so many who thought it was a play event or just didn't have a clue what it was all about or etiquette. But hopefully most local munches are advertised on decent forums and questions posed are answered to help put newbies at ease etc.
Saph1968 Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 yes, my first (only a month a go!) was good. Reading (uk) is blessed with many different Munches, some have informal food beforehand which can help as they are smaller numbers before the main munch kicks off. They also have a "board games" evening, think Exploding Kittens, Jengga and general silliness in a pub. The best thing about that is it is clear (I think) that it is a social event and the only play is the games. Both very different Munches and both good fun in the different ways. Sometimes the support of the people on here is what it takes to go the first time. I told people in chat I was planning to go and their positive responses, and wishing me luck on the evening made it easier to walk in through the door and find the Munch. If you enjoy board games and they run one near you then it can be brilliant as a group of people playing games is easier to walk up to knowing you have the right group :)
Phoenyx Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 Street clothes! If leather is part of your daily attire, OK. But, don't come all decked-out. These are meetings in a public place, like a diner or bar. Hence, the moniker, "Munch". Shock value will not get you points here. OK, sorry about coming-off so harsh and demanding. The persona sneaks out, from time to time. Does anyone remember the Society of Janus? Don't know if they're still around. They used to host many such get-togethers. They didn't call them "munches", back then. I forget the term they used. Anyway, they were a great place to meet like-minded folks, relaxed, without having to expend the energy of a scene persona. These were places to exchange thoughts and ideas, scene-related or not, in a neutral setting. They were a great way to meet the real person, without having to fight past attitudes and personas (hopefully). They were also great places to learn about classes, play parties, etc. I'm sure it's much the same today (though there is not one within 500 miles of the black hole where I now live).
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