kree90 Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Sensory deprivation play is one of the best things I’ve ever experienced. Not just because it was extremely arousing, but also because it shut down several of my senses. With a blindfold and headphones, I only had my sense of touch and smell available. I would later come to find that the best type of meditation for me is body scanning, which is what I did naturally during the play. I could feel my knees against the sheet, the cloth against my eyelashes, the air on my bare skin. When that connection was made between that firm hand and my backside, I felt it more than I’d ever felt anything. It was delicious. I suppose it’s not too surprising it was as beneficial as it was because my baths typically consist of closing my eyes with my ears under blistering water. I just hear *everything* all at once, feel everything all at once, and having a place to concentrate those feelings fits perfectly with sensory deprivation play. It wasn’t until my journey into learning about myself that I considered my exceptional hearing may be because of my autism. I can hear a phone vibrating a floor up. I’ve invested in earplugs to help keep my concentration and keep myself regulated. With exceptional hearing comes exceptional overwhelm. The 8 Senses & Processing You may have noticed it says 8 senses. It’s not a typo. This includes the 5 readily known senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) but also the vestibular, interoception, and proprioceptive senses. Balance, motor skills and body awareness. In neurodivergent people, all 8 senses can be over or under-sensitive. Not all of us will be over or under-reactive in all the senses, and even then, how much sensitivity we feel will differ from one person to the next, from one situation to the next. Sometimes, it can be all the time, such as with my hearing. Impact play can be excellent for maintaining a healthy state of mind. The thought of maintenance spanking has always interested me. Many people describe a level of calm afterward that I struggle to find daily. Plus, I like spankings. It’s a win-win. *** can be such a stress reliever. Not all autistic people like ***, and even then, the type of *** will vary. Getting bit will never feel good to me, but a slap on the face will get my full attention in all the right ways. In those trusted environments, we are given some control over the sensations we’re feeling, even if we don’t control when exactly we are feeling them. I don’t know if it’s because I have such receptive senses, but subspace is easy for me to fall into when my Dom has a firm hand with me. When I get grabbed by the throat, it’s very clear what’s happening, where it’s happening. It’s an anchor. When my head gets yanked back by a hand in my hair, I know where to look. I can only look where I’m allowed. It’s peaceful. Emotional Processing Emotional processing helps us integrate our experiences into our everyday lives. A ton of people have issues with emotional processing, autistic or not. Your autistic partner will be no different in that category. Emotional processing issues isn’t a lack of emotional intelligence or lack of empathy. It isn’t being emotionally immature. It *means* we don’t emotionally get hit with news or an event at that moment. It doesn’t happen all the time, but some common factors in creating processing issues are stress and overwhelm. Emotional processing issues can be small things, but they can also be very large things. When one of my kid brothers passed away last year unexpectedly, I told my dad I was sorry for his loss. I felt the shock that everyone feels when they find out someone has died, of knowing that person is no longer there, but it didn’t occur to me yet that I had lost my brother. I often don’t see how things will affect me right away, though I’m learning to be more conscious of it. I know from experience how similar things have affected me in the past and I can draw off the experience from that, and it speeds up the processing a bit, but new things create new feelings. I cringe now when I think of all the times I’ve heard “Are you sure it’s fine? I feel like this will be a problem later.” Because it tracked. I did find myself upset or bringing up an event (good or bad) hours or even a day or so later. It feels better to know where this is coming from so I can be more conscious of it, too. It can be really hard on relationships of any kind. It can be confusing because it doesn’t always happen, and we can’t always predict any difficulty coming. From my own experience and reading about processing differences, it seems that the more emotional an event is, the longer is will take us to process. Having a partner with processing challenges of any kind can be exhausting for both people. Try to remember that your partner with Autism may need some more time or even some help managing their feelings. Allow them that space and time, don’t rush them, and try so very hard not to make them feel bad about it. This isn’t anyone’s fault, least of all theirs. Self-Regulation & Soothing Self-regulation is something that took me a long time to develop and I’m still figuring out what works best for me. It is dependent on being able to recognize emotions, something people with Autism can struggle with, especially those who are younger. Even as an adult with a healthy skill set, I can still find myself dysregulated all too easily. The biggest difference with us is that so many simple settings can throw us into dysregulation (meltdowns and shutdowns, anxiety, anger, all of it is considered dysregulation). Self-soothing tools are critical here, but some awareness from those around us would go a long way, too. The way we each personally self-soothe is going to look different, but the number one thing I ask is that you just let us do what we do when we need to do it (assuming it isn’t causing harm). This leads us to the next part: Stimming, and why it matters for your dynamic.
Sirbeavis Posted January 12 Posted January 12 You know, you actually helped confirm something about myself. I've always wondered why funerals felt awkward and why I never cry at funerals. I was actually beginning to suspect I was a sociopath.
Ch**** Posted January 12 Posted January 12 It does help a lot, being able to shut out the world and just listen to your own heart beating is soo tranquil, I love it
Do**** Posted January 12 Posted January 12 If this incredibly well written post, resonates with the reader. I would strongly urge you to read parts 1,2 and 3 in this series. I will be recommending this to several people I know and truthfully would recommend that all in the community do the same. This is one of the illuminating posts I have read in the forum. I eagerly look forward to subsequent posts.
kree90 Posted January 12 Author Posted January 12 7 hours ago, Sirbeavis said: You know, you actually helped confirm something about myself. I've always wondered why funerals felt awkward and why I never cry at funerals. I was actually beginning to suspect I was a sociopath. Everyone who knows me can agree on one thing: I am super freaking sensitive. I always have been. Yet, as my father supported my stepmother away from my brother's casket, I was just a face in the sea of faces watching the horror. Like it wasn't my family. Like a piece of my heart wasn't in that casket. I see that scene on a loop now, sometimes, still processing it. I think we feel too much at once, and our systems can't handle it. We have to take it in manageable doses, which doesn't always align with what society expects of us. So we're left feeling broken. I personally think your reactions to funerals are normal. Talking to a professional will reassure you of that, though, and much more! (advocate of therapy lol). 4 hours ago, Chiana said: It does help a lot, being able to shut out the world and just listen to your own heart beating is soo tranquil, I love it Yesss, especially from the onslaught of the constant stream of information coming at all of us at any given time. We need it to balance ourselves and make sure we're the best version of ourselves we can be! 3 hours ago, DopeyDom said: If this incredibly well written post, resonates with the reader. I would strongly urge you to read parts 1,2 and 3 in this series. I will be recommending this to several people I know and truthfully would recommend that all in the community do the same. This is one of the illuminating posts I have read in the forum. I eagerly look forward to subsequent posts. <3 Every comment I get is amazing and needed, but this...after the week I had, thank you. I'm thankful I'm able to help people.
lo**** Posted January 13 Posted January 13 That does help some of the dominoes I have been processing fall into place. Thank you
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