Deleted Member Posted February 20 Posted February 20 This is a form of ranting, as well as seeking advice on this platform. I have been a submissive in a long-term relationship for 13 years and our relationship ascent just ended. Not that recent, seven months ago. It for personal reasons. I came to the site kind of getting insight on what to look for and what there is but it seems to be more about sex. so many people coming out of the inboxes asking for sex or if they’re not asking for sex they’re asking to switch even though I said that I don’t do that in my profile. I guess what I wanna ask is for the people that are coming out of the old and entering the new how are you navigating? How are you able to distinguish the real Doms or Masters? Sometimes I’m wondering if I’m just old-fashioned in my values aren’t that realistic.
un**** Posted February 20 Posted February 20 i came here having had dated my HS gf throughout the first year of college with issues and yes a lot of it is sex this is true but there are good people here you just have to look for them because the entire dating market is like this but only way to do this is to sift through people and find someone who you click with and share values with its not a hopeless endeavor but i have found it hard
Deleted Member Posted February 20 Author Posted February 20 Ita going to be a rough time for you unfortunately, things aren't the same as they once was. Most people do not read profiles, I have gotten messages from people wanting the exact opposite of me. Best thing to do is find someone who you think you would mesh well with and message them, only you know the kind of person you want afterall
Deleted Member Posted February 20 Posted February 20 It takes time and staying firm with your boundaries. It’s about asking questions, being gently direct, and going with your gut. If you feel like they’re not a good fit, don’t try to *** it. Sometimes, if you get overwhelmed, it’s great to communicate that you want to take a step back and see how they handle it. A lot of people are looking for NSA, but there are others looking for LTR and want to get to know people. It just takes time and patience. 
Ta**** Posted February 20 Posted February 20 I'm no expert in the scene but it seems ServiceAngel hit on something. Time. With that patience. I'd spend your new found time maybe meditating on what you carried out of your last relationship, what's to keep, discard... Meanwhile get to know folks. Those with the same value system will also approach you in a similar manner. Look for others who move as you do. You have time, use it.
Deleted Member Posted February 20 Posted February 20 I second Tatusimian. It might also help to literally write out a list of what you’re looking for. It might seem high maintenance or unattainable, but you figure out, just like with boundaries, what’s in the red, what’s in the yellow, and what’s in the green. Your greens are your absolutes. You need those traits/details in your life. The red are things that didn’t work out and you want to avoid. The yellows are ones that can be negotiated. When you know yourself, you attract more of what you like. Listen to your intuition. You’ve got this!
co**** Posted February 21 Posted February 21 I e been in the lifestyle for a long time… and some parts of the lifestyle are very sexual where others aren’t.. for instance. You lost slave. There are domestic slaves and sex slaves also TPE slaves.. so communication is key in any relationship and that’s one of the things I try to do is be very communicative some aren’t so good at it others are. I may not be the best and sometimes understood and I have to explain so someone gets what I’m saying..
an**** Posted February 21 Posted February 21 That's a tough question to me I'm a daddy Dom so I look for Littles. But also a master so I look for pets lol. But in the long term u just have to look how they talk. A Dom that just wants sex don't care about Littles feels I recon?
an**** Posted February 21 Posted February 21 12 hours ago, controlher1969 said: I e been in the lifestyle for a long time… and some parts of the lifestyle are very sexual where others aren’t.. for instance. You lost slave. There are domestic slaves and sex slaves also TPE slaves.. so communication is key in any relationship and that’s one of the things I try to do is be very communicative some aren’t so good at it others are. I may not be the best and sometimes understood and I have to explain so someone gets what I’m saying.. U did a way better job than I did lol xD. Was to busy at work
co**** Posted February 21 Posted February 21 18 minutes ago, antman995 said: U did a way better job than I did lol xD. Was to busy at work Thanks… I try…
Th**** Posted February 21 Posted February 21 22 hours ago, skargo87 said: This is a form of ranting, as well as seeking advice on this platform. I have been a submissive in a long-term relationship for 13 years and our relationship ascent just ended. Not that recent, seven months ago. It for personal reasons. I came to the site kind of getting insight on what to look for and what there is but it seems to be more about sex. so many people coming out of the inboxes asking for sex or if they’re not asking for sex they’re asking to switch even though I said that I don’t do that in my profile. I guess what I wanna ask is for the people that are coming out of the old and entering the new how are you navigating? How are you able to distinguish the real Doms or Masters? Sometimes I’m wondering if I’m just old-fashioned in my values aren’t that realistic. This site is flooded with vanilla tourists and people who think this is a site for fast hookups as well as people who think they know things but haven't actually educated themselves. In the time I've been here my observation has been actual kinksters and people into bdsm are in the minority. I'd suggest not putting all your eggs in one basket so to speak and use all the various avenues available in the partner search.
ma**** Posted February 21 Posted February 21 I'm not old. I'm still newish. I'm a traditional submissive though so I want more than just sex. There are different ways to distinguish between a Dom and a dom (I'm using lowercase letters on purpose): they bring up kink or sex early on; they think that D/s is about sex or kink; they show more interest when there are arousing conversations; they aren't consistent; they want the benefits of a relationship but don't want the responsabilities of one; they don't know what they want and how they want things to be done. It can be hard to spot them at times because sometimes we might want to give people the chance of doubt.
Be**** Posted February 21 Posted February 21 Well, firstly, i would say it is sad to hear your 13 years of relationship has ended. That is a significant amount of time . What i would say about the matter is similarly stated before that being precise about what both sides are looking for. Ds ms and various other bdsm relationships are highly defined relationships. What i would suggest is to have a contract between both or more parties. So everything is defined on paper. Also, this contract should be updated periodically. Saying something and writing something down is far different things. There is even scientific study for phenomenon. With the guidance of a contract, i would say that things will be clear and properly defined. Thus, it will lead to healthier lasting relationships.
Deleted Member Posted February 21 Author Posted February 21 Most people are desperate and lonely and we jump to sex when we recognise a connection and don't know how to build a bond. If sex isn't what you're aiming for and the interactions you have with a person don't have substance without sex, then probably that isn't your partner. Forget about BDSM and just compare it with the regular dating app world.. women bombarded with desperate emails from men who want sex. Can't expect humans to stop being humans in this arena just cos they have a more colourful vocabulary. Still got to filter out the wankers.
Th**** Posted February 22 Posted February 22 16 hours ago, maryioni said: I'm not old. I'm still newish. I'm a traditional submissive though so I want more than just sex. There are different ways to distinguish between a Dom and a dom (I'm using lowercase letters on purpose): they bring up kink or sex early on; they think that D/s is about sex or kink; they show more interest when there are arousing conversations; they aren't consistent; they want the benefits of a relationship but don't want the responsabilities of one; they don't know what they want and how they want things to be done. It can be hard to spot them at times because sometimes we might want to give people the chance of doubt. I feel like this is a pretty accurate assessment and applies to my experience here from the other side of the slash as well. Apart from they do have an idea of what they want and how they want it and their ideas leave out any consideration for the other person. 12 hours ago, Selfish said: Forget about BDSM and just compare it with the regular dating app world.. women bombarded with desperate emails from men who want sex. It's exponentially worse here than it typically is on vanilla dating sites. 12 hours ago, Selfish said: Can't expect humans to stop being humans in this arena just cos they have a more colourful vocabulary. Still got to filter out the wankers. No one is expecting humans to not be humans. It's a matter of expecting basic human decency.
no**** Posted February 22 Posted February 22 App dating can become an exhausting experience, but well worth it when you finally find the connection you seek. I totally understand how upfront requests for sex may be off putting, I find people in these types of apps are more honest and upfront than vanilla and more traditional sites. I would suggest just be upfront right back. Be specific in your profile and in your initial communications the top 2 or 3 things you seek, and the pace you feel comfortable with. Anyone that crosses or disrespects your needs, simply delete their connection. Good luck skargo87!
Deleted Member Posted February 23 Author Posted February 23 13 hours ago, ThaliaV said: No one is expecting humans to not be humans. It's a matter of expecting basic human decency. Humans are pretty indecent, so perhaps it's just expecting too much from everyone instead of having enough from a particular person. Most people aren't immediately compatible. Lots of them are sincere and there was less substance than they thought, so it's just a connection that didn't happen. Some of them are pests. You can't expect the pests to be more than pests.
St**** Posted February 24 Posted February 24 I will lead with I have been in the lifestyle since late 80's. Put it aside for vanilla marriage and kids etc. There are not many true Alpha's left we are few. Online dating has given people the ability to be more than they truly are. Hence the meme on the internet no one knows you are a potato. A Master is someone who cares more for their slave than they do for their self. I was made from a blueprint that has been discontinued. Text even with emojis 😇🫠😘🤔😁🤔 does not convey what body movement, eye contact convey. A sub or slave posses a beautiful gift, which any Master or Dom should tell you is earned. While I am not above just getting it wet. I do seek someone very specific. NEVER settle. A Master will never do anything out of anger. Sadists, doms are fuedian, you should know within an few messages if it will work or not.
Sc**** Posted February 24 Posted February 24 Hey girl, sorry to hear you’re having a tough time. Internet dating is difficult and I have to take breaks from it to keep my sanity. Just be very clear about what you’re looking for, set your boundaries and be true to yourself. There’s a lot of trash online that will spam you for sex and it takes courage to look past it. Chin up and good luck!
Fe**** Posted February 25 Posted February 25 *a silhouette steps from the shadows, two golden eyes looking into you, calm yet stern grace lays upon the wolf's face, he sits in that regal fashion of interest and curiosity.* Mmm, I'm sorry to hear bout your circumstances, change from something like that can be difficult, downright torturous. Navigating this new Dark and confusing world of kink has, in its own right, become more of a circus meets alleyway market than an intimate, dance of passion and adventure. It's easy to find the orchestra and choir, but it's now close to impossible to find the Mistroe who can conduct a symphony of pleasures to another. It's been since 2013 since I was in a long-lasting D/s relationship, I fell into an amazing one a year ago, but it only failed due to the other toxic people who became involved by no part of mine or my Dom. Things came to an extremely ***ful halt, and I was dropped off into the woods this time for good. It's not the loneliness that hurts. It's the loss of that weight most subs know what that weight is, but not even a Dom truly knows (no effence to Dom's) of responsibility, Trust, compassion love. That hurts the most, knowing that he still has deep feelings for me, but casts me out into the woods to fade away into the fog. This wolf pup/beast has been lost for the past 5 months, with no collar, and no direction. Just ***. I say all this not for sympathy or attention, but more a shared experience, and to let you know, this, which has taken this wolf pup too long to realize, that yes being a sub is our world. But the saying always goes the sub has all the power. This is true, which has helped me know that There is a Dom out the struggling without their submissive, that pillar that gives just as much power and support to a Dom as a Dom gives guidance and reassurance. I hope that one day the universe will send me a stronger worthier Dom. Before I die lol. Like the other comments here, keep walking through the garbage, cause one day you will find that $100 bill, save it, invest it, being all the wiser from the shit you have dug through to find that $100 bill. And in time that investment will pay off. Just know you are not alone, you have support in the community, *chuckles softly* you have a wolf by your side if you ever need to talk. There are still real Alphas/Doms out there, who knows, one may just be waiting at the edge of the woods with a locking collar and treats for you. *the wolf gives a gentle smirk at his last words, as he stands and bows his head to you before turning and walking into the shadows of the woods to fade with them, a fading echo can be heard* I'm always around even when I'm far.
Al**** Posted February 26 Posted February 26 I think as the scene grows, lots of fakes are entering. I’ve been back for 3 days and I have already had full blown convos with fakes. It is predatory I feel. The world is full of bad people and it doesn’t stop here. Just gotta be careful. Also not everyone takes it as seriously.
Mo**** Posted February 29 Posted February 29 Sunday at 03:55 PM, Fenrir_pup said: *a silhouette steps from the shadows, two golden eyes looking into you, calm yet stern grace lays upon the wolf's face, he sits in that regal fashion of interest and curiosity.* Mmm, I'm sorry to hear bout your circumstances, change from something like that can be difficult, downright torturous. Navigating this new Dark and confusing world of kink has, in its own right, become more of a circus meets alleyway market than an intimate, dance of passion and adventure. It's easy to find the orchestra and choir, but it's now close to impossible to find the Mistroe who can conduct a symphony of pleasures to another. It's been since 2013 since I was in a long-lasting D/s relationship, I fell into an amazing one a year ago, but it only failed due to the other toxic people who became involved by no part of mine or my Dom. Things came to an extremely ***ful halt, and I was dropped off into the woods this time for good. It's not the loneliness that hurts. It's the loss of that weight most subs know what that weight is, but not even a Dom truly knows (no effence to Dom's) of responsibility, Trust, compassion love. That hurts the most, knowing that he still has deep feelings for me, but casts me out into the woods to fade away into the fog. This wolf pup/beast has been lost for the past 5 months, with no collar, and no direction. Just ***. I say all this not for sympathy or attention, but more a shared experience, and to let you know, this, which has taken this wolf pup too long to realize, that yes being a sub is our world. But the saying always goes the sub has all the power. This is true, which has helped me know that There is a Dom out the struggling without their submissive, that pillar that gives just as much power and support to a Dom as a Dom gives guidance and reassurance. I hope that one day the universe will send me a stronger worthier Dom. Before I die lol. Like the other comments here, keep walking through the garbage, cause one day you will find that $100 bill, save it, invest it, being all the wiser from the shit you have dug through to find that $100 bill. And in time that investment will pay off. Just know you are not alone, you have support in the community, *chuckles softly* you have a wolf by your side if you ever need to talk. There are still real Alphas/Doms out there, who knows, one may just be waiting at the edge of the woods with a locking collar and treats for you. *the wolf gives a gentle smirk at his last words, as he stands and bows his head to you before turning and walking into the shadows of the woods to fade with them, a fading echo can be heard* I'm always around even when I'm far. The way you talk is so cool
Ta**** Posted March 1 Posted March 1 Monday at 06:32 PM, MissAlyCat said: I think as the scene grows, lots of fakes are entering. I’ve been back for 3 days and I have already had full blown convos with fakes. It is predatory I feel. The world is full of bad people and it doesn’t stop here. Just gotta be careful. Also not everyone takes it as seriously. I couldn’t agree more It’s sounds good lol But the actual lifestyle is a whole lot deeper than just words lol I love putting them in situations lol that really makes them feel uncomfortable 😂 😂 😂 the looks on their faces 😂 😂
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