Dynamics

[gr****]

Do you feel like it is ok for a daddy to have more than one babygirl. Or is it ok to have multiple. And does it make it different if there is a different dynamic? I have a wifey and a babygirl. The relationship dynamic is completely different between the two but they get jealous of each other. Wife beleaves she should be primary and get most of me. I have found this works more cuz me and babygirl can be a lil toxic. N do the on off thing and wifey gets sad about me being depressed every few months when we do fight and break up but babygirl motivates me to do things and make *** and not be so lazy witch the wifey appreciates but says she would rather me find some1 that she likes instead but she doesn’t understand the dynamic and connection that I have formed isn’t easily found or earned and we all pretty muched started seeing each other at same time. All lived together for half a year but the thrupal thing wasn’t working so it’s more a V

[Fi****]

That seems not to be the question,is it? you ask about having more than one baby girl but your wife is not your baby girl… for me: yeah it’s quite strange and disrespectful for your wife. But you all have to live with that and if you think it’s okay and for her, it’s okay… so it seems to be okay 

[Ha****]

There's no "yes or no" answer to your question - it's all down to the individuals, their circumstances and their feelings of those involved - but in your particular case as you've described above, with you and these 2 women, then it's quite clearly toxic and you have to accept that it's not working.

[MrChris88]

Depends on your dynamic. If it's something you've discussed and agreed upon then it's fine

[Mediterranean]

I think, probably if you have a 3rd one will break a bit the jealousy, because it will not be just the other. Will be 3 of them. I think maybe help and break jealousy structure. But also think that yes your wife should be your first one always,

[Ju****]

None of this sounds healthy. None of it.

[ey****]

it's ok for someone to have multiple partners, but there are challenges with this

your set up clearly isn't working 

you need to end one of the relationships before one, or both, end it with you.  You seem more interested in having a V (which you were trying to make a triad) than the individual needs of each partner and as such are doing best by neither.  

[Th****]

Having multiple partners in whatever form of ethical non-monogamy one chooses is perfectly fine and *can be* done in a healthy way where everyone involved is happy and fulfilled. That's not your problem though.

I'd strongly suggest some form of relationship counseling. However, it can be difficult to find providers who are friendly towards and/or well versed on anything outside of monogamous relationships. The Gottmans are an excellent resource for relationship things, though mostly monogamy 1/1 relationships but the information can be adapted. xSolaris on Fetlife .com frequently holds virtual relationship seminars that are kink & nonmonogamy friendly they may also be able to direct you to others and other resources. They do have links to many resources on their profile and have recordings available of previous presentations, also xSolaris on Patreon. 

Short answer is that it sounds like you all need therapy because it sounds like some obviously unhealthy stuff going on. 

Edited June 27, 2024 by ThaliaV

[gr****]

We are aware this is an unhealthy relationship but no1 is willing to give it up. I’m told I’m very affectionate and cuddly I like rubbing and massaging so people easily get attached me and the wifey talk constantly and try watching dif ted talks or whatever and have been going to different events to talk to people we both don’t quite exactly know what we want but it’s clear that we want to be in each others life even if it is as friends but would prefer more. She hasn’t had a real relationship in 10 years so feelings she thought she couldn’t have anymore are strange n confusing for her plus changing meds. She has started therapy and I’m willing to do counseling. I feel if there is a will there’s a way especially if your willing to learn n grow along the way. She’s 10 years older then I so I feel like she’s smart enuff and had enuff experience to kno what’s good for her. While things arnt perfect the good out ways the bad. Now for the one that’s 10 years younger then me I feel like I need to b there for her but need to give her some space to find herself n place in life. I just don’t want to do more harm than good. And lose a best friend n lover

[Hezzair]

Your relationship with your wife definitely needs some work. That is a completely separate thing from your question because yes a Dom can have more than one sub and have it work successfully. The thing is that with polygamy, you all need to be on the same page as to how your group dynamics are working. Are you kitchen table i.e. everyone is getting along like a big happy family, are you parallel where everyone does their own thing? There are a few different types of dynamics besides those two. Research this and talk it over with your wife and your sub. It is important that you are all on the same page.

[gr****]

She isn’t actually my wife I was technically with babygirl 1st. But none of us were seeking this kind of relationship. But since this is all the way if fell and I happend to fall in love with 2 people .it would be hard to leave either one of them and even harder cuz I’m so used to getting from one what the other doesn’t provide

[Littleserendipity72]

Ok for me? Hell no. Ok for others who choose that? None of my business.

[Ho****]

Read up on ethical non-monogamy. Plenty of people practise ENM and it works well, but it isn't for everyone. It takes good communication skills and self-knowledge, which take work. And some people simply aren't built for it, they're built to be monogamous. ENM is a lifestyle choice but for me, and for many, it's an orientation - I have lived monogamously but it didn't suit me at all. Whereas for others, it's the other way round. But the choice (or ability) to practice ENM is separate from practising D/s, there are monogamous doms and subs, ENM polyamorous doms and subs, just as there are monogamous and polyamorous vanilla people. Research it, inform yourself, and you'll be able to give or withold *informed* consent to being in a relationship on those terms.

[Wolfy1720]

Read my thread hope it helps. It's in BDSM form

[Wolfy1720]

I believe there should be a hierarchy. The "wifey" doesn't seem to agree to the lifestyle very much. But I understand both point of views.
When I served Dom couple, there was a hierarchy. He was the last word how the house runs. The Mommy Dom was a really a Switch. So she served him but ordered me around. Then I was a house Slave.
I'm not judging. But communicate, trust and respect should always be there

[Th****]

23 minutes ago, Wolfy1720 said:

I believe there should be a hierarchy. The "wifey" doesn't seem to agree to the lifestyle very much. But I understand both point of views.
When I served Dom couple, there was a hierarchy. He was the last word how the house runs. The Mommy Dom was a really a Switch. So she served him but ordered me around. Then I was a house Slave.
I'm not judging. But communicate, trust and respect should always be there

There are many different ways to do ENM, even within the context of kink & BDSM. Hierarchical isn't for everyone and not everyone is suited for KT either. 

[Wolfy1720]

6 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

There are many different ways to do ENM, even within the context of kink & BDSM. Hierarchical isn't for everyone and not everyone is suited for KT either. 

True. I'm just sharing how it worked out between the couple and I. Plus my opinion on what works for me. Nothing more, nothing less

[ka****]

One in my opinion!! I've had two and if there is any secrets or fuckery then it ss just that ..! " Nothing but fuckery"

[Deleted Member]

It's going to depend honstly, in my experience it's best to sent up these expectations early on. It can be messy if it's done after a dynamic has been established.

[Co****]

All about communication. I've got a new babygirl who unfortunately lives 6 hours away. We're going to meet halfway once a month. I've told her if she was local she'd be my only babygirl, but I'm too sexual to not have any other partners. I suggested we both go non monogamous here and she's agreed.

If she was local, maybe I'd approach it differently.

[Deleted Member]

As a sub and pet myself I feel if you establish that with your partners then it's fine. I don't mind my master or trainer having more than one because we both know one person can't always fulfill every need