Dial-a-Dom Dispensary, How can we help?

[Deleted Member]

Some subs have a list of Dom/me Criteria in their heads when they're sizing you up. Like a shopping list. They want to dial in their preferences, pull the lever and their perfect Dom/me drops out of the dispensing machine.  

I do think subs are worse at doing this than the other way around. From my experience, the good Dom/mes  I've known have been very open-minded about who they play with.  

D-types aren't fantasies made to order. They're individuals, human beings. Sure, some of them are dicks but some are really worth getting to know.   This is written in response to Donnykinkster's status update about the sub who said he wasn't Dominant enough because he gave her the choice of where to meet up for their first meet. Just rolling my eyes. I'm sure she's back on the phone to Dial-a-Dom now, putting in her order.

D-types, have you ever felt like your skills and qualities are being ticked off on a list by a potential playmate? 

[Deleted Member]

I get people have a preference and all BUT I think a Dom to should do everything to make his sub or potential sub comfortable. If he doesn't, how can you move forward trusting him completely to be understanding to your boundaries and limits??? I wouldn't have it any other way...... Maybe she's used to an ***r not a Dom?

[Deleted Member]

I usually adapt to my partners' desires. They state their preferences, and I fabricate an imaginary experience for them.

So well, I'd say I'm a "fantasy for order".

The only con: You must imagine, there's nothing visual.

[Dominantnidge]

Absolutely it seems to have become akin to a commercial exchange. Cheers Rose

[Deleted Member]

I recently messaged a woman who was 23. She was looking for older men, and I read this in her profile. Still, I wanted to tell her I think she looks attractive. That is all I said. I did not open any dialogue about getting to know each other, I just said hello and she is attractive. She blocked me. I think it was because I am a couple of years younger than her. It may not be exactly what you are talking about, but I did find it extremely narrow-minded.

[Carnelian2]

Not sure if it is just D/s - some people just seem to have a checklist of the perfect guy, woman, whatever - and will not go for anything else. 

It is like buying a sofa on mail order - it might look great and have great reviews, but it is sitting in it that is the real test, and you cannot do that via mail order.

That was roundabout way of saying that nothing replaces open-minded attitudes and actually being willing to talk to someone even if he/she is not perfect.

Personally, I cannot wait to see what the Universe comes up with next :)

[Nikki_Hexy]

For me, i'm not sure what i am looking for in a Dom/me i think at first just finding some common ground like you would when you make a new friend and then grow into something more kinky or fun? Maybe i am wrong but i think the Dom/me will choose me instead of the other way round and with the built trust i will want to serve His/Her needs as their sub

[Deleted Member]

I'm a submissive man and I agree with hex for me the most important thing is finding out whether we like each other or not and also it's about 2 people finding out what they like and giving mutual pleasure, there's plenty I'm not really interested in but I'm more than willing to try pretty much anything that turns my partner on

[Deleted Member]

As a sub, I'm looking for connection, confidence and experience in a Dom. The rest of it should be able to fall into place with time, discussion and understanding. I wouldn't even know where to begin with putting together a minimum criteria list...the whole concept seems slightly crazy to me.

[BigPolly]

I put something on the forum a while back stating how many male subs (SorryNotSorry) will write on here exactly what they expect from their Dom(me) eg ‘I want a mistress to humiliate me & use me, peg me & *** my ass. She can bring her friends & they can all *** on me’ etc etc This does seem to be more of a male thing!? Etiquette falls into this as there is no wayyyy any sub should be making demands from their Dom(me) especially for their own sexual gratification. However on the other side of the coin we all have things we find desirable. For me Confidence is a huge biggee. Because my Doms have all just been play partners I do have a mental list of what I’d like & therefore that would very much be like a Dial-a-Dom but as I’ve said before , I do also compare Doms to how I used to be as a Domme but this can lead to disappointment. I do find that by Doms just being play partners, many can be ‘whoever’ they want for those hours & that helps to create a desired role.

[Ar****]

21 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

I put something on the forum a while back stating how many male subs (SorryNotSorry) will write on here exactly what they expect from their Dom(me) eg ‘I want a mistress to humiliate me & use me, peg me & *** my ass. She can bring her friends & they can all *** on me’ etc etc

I remember that. A very good thread it was too, extremely valid.

 

I may once or twice have felt like I was taking an exam but it has only ever been before I've even got to know that person and frankly (even if I were to pass) that in itself is enough to turn me off from them.

[ey****]

I always want to be careful when I phrase things like this - but - I often think that (ultimately) a problem a lot of male "subs" have is that their level of interest is a Pro-Domme session without actually paying for one (or even understanding the basics)

So they'll go on someone's website and scroll through "services I offer" and kind of treat that a little bit like a menu - but - because they're not actually ever gonna book they take their misunderstanding (that it's choosing from a menu) and present it to someone who isn't a Pro.

Which also comes from the delusion that a non-Pro is the same as a Pro except doesn't charge.

It's really boggling how many get this wrong.

[Ar****]

6 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I always want to be careful when I phrase things like this - but - I often think that (ultimately) a problem a lot of male "subs" have is that their level of interest is a Pro-Domme session without actually paying for one (or even understanding the basics)

So they'll go on someone's website and scroll through "services I offer" and kind of treat that a little bit like a menu - but - because they're not actually ever gonna book they take their misunderstanding (that it's choosing from a menu) and present it to someone who isn't a Pro.

Which also comes from the delusion that a non-Pro is the same as a Pro except doesn't charge.

It's really boggling how many get this wrong.

I had never considered this before, yet it makes incredible sense.

If only more people had the forethought to consider their words the way you do... 

[Xysishe]

I can see that being the case but it only natural to shoot for the moon even though u know u will be lucky to make it over the fence I am aware I do thus and know why I do it. For me it is a test of character it gives insight about who this person is, can be, and will try to be.

[mabel-7567]

Submissive are always supposed to bow at the feet for there mistresses, because they are owned and they are nothing but a slave.

[Deleted Member]

I deleted the post Rose after the messages I received from yourself and a couple of others.It just confused me but the feedback I received told me I was on the right path 😊

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, daddysdirtykitten said:

I get people have a preference and all BUT I think a Dom to should do everything to make his sub or potential sub comfortable. If he doesn't, how can you move forward trusting him completely to be understanding to your boundaries and limits??? I wouldn't have it any other way...... Maybe she's used to an ***r not a Dom?

And that she prefers bullies to a right minded,sane a respectful man is the conclusion I came too.It seems to me that some subs idea of what a dom truly is are slightly warped

[Carnelian2]

Of course, as other have said, it is not about setting demands for this or that, it is more about having the right feeling for the person, and you never know that until you start talking with them. 

I tend to largely ignore the messages, I receive, which just goes into D/s speak or asking for personal details without actually taking the time to strike up a conversation. I don't know if that is odd, but if I cannot have an actual conversation with my prospective Domme, then it is going to be somewhat quiet before and after

[Akume]

9 hours ago, DanteReign said:

I recently messaged a woman who was 23. She was looking for older men, and I read this in her profile. Still, I wanted to tell her I think she looks attractive. That is all I said. I did not open any dialogue about getting to know each other, I just said hello and she is attractive. She blocked me. I think it was because I am a couple of years younger than her. It may not be exactly what you are talking about, but I did find it extremely narrow-minded.

I really doubt it had as much to do with your age as it did you telling her she looks attractive. Personally, I get sexually objectifying comments and messages every single day. I get it, it's a kink site. You have a right to comment on the totally random roll of the genetic dice that I have no control over. I also have the right to block you so I can avoid such comments in the future.

We are more than pretty faces and hot bodies. For me, leading with those kind of comments guarantees getting shuttled firmly into the "NOPE" category. When we flesh out profiles with loads of things to talk about, and a person leads with something so shallow, it speaks very poorly of them.

What sounds better:

"Wow, you are absolutely stunning! It's nice to meet you."

Or

"Wow, a kinkster AND a gardner? So much awesome in one package! Do you enjoy growing flowers, veggies, or are you like me and just surprised when anything makes it past a month?"

[Carnelian2]

53 minutes ago, Akume said:

I really doubt it had as much to do with your age as it did you telling her she looks attractive. Personally, I get sexually objectifying comments and messages every single day. I get it, it's a kink site. You have a right to comment on the totally random roll of the genetic dice that I have no control over. I also have the right to block you so I can avoid such comments in the future.

We are more than pretty faces and hot bodies. For me, leading with those kind of comments guarantees getting shuttled firmly into the "NOPE" category. When we flesh out profiles with loads of things to talk about, and a person leads with something so shallow, it speaks very poorly of them.

What sounds better:

"Wow, you are absolutely stunning! It's nice to meet you."

Or

"Wow, a kinkster AND a gardner? So much awesome in one package! Do you enjoy growing flowers, veggies, or are you like me and just surprised when anything makes it past a month?"

I am careful with commenting on women’s appearance even in person as you never know how they may take it. Mostly, though, I do it without any pretext, but best in combination with an actual conversation topic, I agree

[qu****]

Subs are not "supposed to bow at the feet" , submissives generally aren't slaves, whilst there can be a cross-over, usually they are seen in different lights, but even if they chose those , again it's only after discussion on their role and both parties mutually agree

Edited January 15, 2020 by quietlysure
I put now instead of bow so corrected it

[ey****]

4 hours ago, Xysishe said:

I can see that being the case but it only natural to shoot for the moon even though u know u will be lucky to make it over the fence I am aware I do thus and know why I do it. For me it is a test of character it gives insight about who this person is, can be, and will try to be.

it's OK to shoot for the moon - but you've got more chance of making it if you understand what might get you there, rather than throwing rocks in the air and hoping they don't just land on your head

you can climb over the fence by taking a running jump and hoping for the best, or you can research what would make it easier to get over.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Mabel said:

Submissive are always supposed to bow at the feet for there mistresses, because they are owned and they are nothing but a slave.

this is part the problem when the fantasy/reality thing is blurred : and : to an extent... there's guys that wrongly believe this... so they may bow at someone's feet (like, just collapse there in a club) or come into the inbox "I'm just a slave, I'll do anything" and wonder why that also gets rejected.

That only works if they are owned slaves within an agreed dynamic and not because there's been a thrust ideology. 

[BigPolly]

2 hours ago, Carnelian2 said:

I tend to largely ignore the messages, I receive, which just goes into D/s speak or asking for personal details without actually taking the time to strike up a conversation. I don't know if that is odd, but if I cannot have an actual conversation with my prospective Domme, then it is going to be somewhat quiet before and after

Exactly this! 😁

I do not live my life as a sub, it is a role so if someone is going to message me with instant demands then they are just going to get my usual everyday sarcastic self & that’s never a good thing lol. 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Carnelian2 said:

I am careful with commenting on women’s appearance even in person as you never know how they may take it. Mostly, though, I do it without any pretext, but best in combination with an actual conversation topic, I agree

Carnelian and @Akume I am sorry you both feel that way, but I personally do not look at it with such complexity. I have met many women with terrible perceptions of their own body, so I try to bring a smile to their faces. It was a simple compliment, with only kind intention behind it. I do not think it can be considered shallow if I had no intention of seducing her, let alone by only mentioning her appearance. Had I wanted to engage with her in conversation, I would likely have still mentioned that she looks attractive, but I would never make that the topic. Sometimes people just like to hear compliments.