Capturing Her Heart: What Makes a Nurturing “Mommy” Dominant Feel Drawn to You?

[Sl****]

To me, a dominant is someone who gracefully approaches, embodying everything a dominant is meant to be—in control of their life, in charge, superior. 🌟

However, this isn't the case when you're talking about a dominant lady. Even at events and gatherings, it's not like that at all.

You, as the submissive, are not the prize; they don't need to approach anyone.

Unless you are truly a 10/10 in physical attractiveness.

You will not receive the approach, regardless of how wonderful you might be.

The dream, of course, is for a dominant to serendipitously stumble upon your profile, read all about you, shower you with likes, think to themselves, "This is the kind of person I desire," message you, initiate a date, and spin you around in their arms while you bask in their dominant energy. ✨

And the rest is history.

But this will never happen for the average submissive gentleman who's not looking to pay for domination or exchange favors.

So, if you are this kind of dominant, how do you wish someone to approach you?

What would make you feel drawn to them? What signs do you give?

Do you offer any hints? What are they?

Do you converse among yourselves and refer people to one another beforehand?

You must already know you are rarer than finding another planet exactly like Earth. 🌍💫 How do you navigate this whole process, knowing you are the reason everyone is there and you are the one everyone desires?

Are you aware of it at the time? Is it daunting? Do you wish there were more like you? Do you cherish being one of a kind, or would you encourage more dominants like yourself?

[TimberTara]

Just be yourself be submissive, and realize you have no control

[Sl****]

1 hour ago, TimberTara said:

Just be yourself be submissive, and realize you have no control

I dunno.. being myself means having complete control over everything in my life and all the plans and absolutely everything.

I want someone to see that and want to think they can take care of me or something I dunno.

But early and truly I have to be the one to approach so I’m asking

[Rainydaye88]

Honestly, you'd be surprised how low the approach bar is, and yet some sub men just explode on the impact of said bar. At least online. Much like any agreement, just read first. I'm willing to bet rules of engagement for serious or temp subs are listed. (And I should clarify, "serious" meaning hoping for some level of commitment vs. just the occasional play partner).

This is just what I feel about this topic.

[TimberTara]

1 hour ago, Slifer said:

I dunno.. being myself means having complete control over everything in my life and all the plans and absolutely everything.

I want someone to see that and want to think they can take care of me or something I dunno.

But early and truly I have to be the one to approach so I’m asking

Well, if you wanna be in complete control, why be a sub?

[Th****]

1 hour ago, TimberTara said:

Well, if you wanna be in complete control, why be a sub?

That's not at all what she said.

Also... the Op and the questions within are aimed at Dominant women. Are you a Dominant woman? Your profile says no. 

[Du****]

First? Read the profile. There is no better advice than this. It’s for the sub’s benefit as well: a weak or nondescript profile means the Domme probably isn’t worth your time; a fake profile is easier to spot than you think; but a well-crafted profile will tell you enough about her preferences for you to know whether or not you should make your approach.
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Second: do not approach just because you like her profile. If you’re not offering what she wants, you’re wasting your time and hers. Dommes don’t like that. Try someone else whose desires match your own.
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Third: let her manner of expression govern yours. Is she playful, dirty, forthright, demure, strict? Has she hidden a clue somewhere in her bio which will prove to her that you’ve taken your time over it? Do you think your profile will appeal to her in return?
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Fourth - make a good first impression by following points 1, 2, and 3. And don’t blow it by telling her which bits of her you want to lick and in which order: even if she’s open to candid suggestions, she may not want them from you, and she may not want them fifty times a day. Seek her permission before you get intimate, consent is everything.
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Finally… if she declines, have the good manners to withdraw gracefully. You approached her first, so pretending you actually think she’s ugly is not fooling anyone. You’re submissive, but there’s no need to be fragile.

[Sl****]

2 hours ago, Rainydaye88 said:

Honestly, you'd be surprised how low the approach bar is, and yet some sub men just explode on the impact of said bar. At least online. Much like any agreement, just read first. I'm willing to bet rules of engagement for serious or temp subs are listed. (And I should clarify, "serious" meaning hoping for some level of commitment vs. just the occasional play partner).

This is just what I feel about this topic.

I… on theory you sound very correct and it’s logical.

Although when put into practice I really have absolutely no idea where to start. I feel like I’m just repeating the same stuff over and over again to new people and it’s sort of becoming a TV White noise fuzz of just starting conversation. Nothing.. really happening. Every single time I sort of die a bit more..

Nowadays I can’t ask people who are supposedly “dominants” out on dates. I just can’t bring myself to initiate that. Less and less I’ve been able to talk or start conversations or just.

At events I just watch the other people talk to people and I can’t bring myself to go in like I used to. It’s completely drained out of me. Then I guess my jealousy becomes an all time high as I’d start to want to be like those people who are being approached and all of that. Some of them probably have never approached people in their life. They just get it.

Online yea it’s a different thing but still I’m drained out. I can’t do it anymore I just browse by someone’s profile, think wow what a lovely person, then move on my way if they have mentioned something that’s not 100% pure compatible with what I’m looking for cause if they were exact 100% match I think I have a few of those approaches left in me?

I’m not sure how to describe it. I’m not ugly btw I’m not saying that, I’m just not exceptionally outstanding 10/10 super model beautiful to be approached in that way.

Events I’ve been since I was 20 to now. Online I’ve been looking for almost ever 😅😂 but I won’t get into that it seems to stir a lot of hate and negativity towards me

[Th****]

This has been discussed many times before, I've even seen you participating in some of them, so you even know that already. 

Much of what you talk about in your OP is based in fantasy and preconceived ideas that are incorrect and unrealistic. Dominant women aren't actually "rare" many are in relationships already but most are purposely hiding and difficult to find due to the behavior of the men who seek them claiming to be "submissive". 

5 hours ago, Slifer said:

You, as the submissive, are not the prize; they don't need to approach anyone.

This is partially inaccurate. Dom women don't "need to" approach anyone but it doesn't mean they don't and won't. Genuinely submissive men who Dom women find appealing are the ones who actually the uncommon ones. If they're active in their local communities, active in online spaces where they can be seen and present themselves well, they'll be scooped up with a quickness given things like logistics and compatibility line up. The whole business of anyone being or not being "the prize" is generally complete 💩 in the context it seems to be used and discussed most often. In healthy relationships *both* individuals should be seen as a prize, meaning that partners should be happy with each other and value them as people and individuals. If not, why would you be with someone you don't value and who doesn't value you?

5 hours ago, Slifer said:

1. Unless you are truly a 10/10 in physical attractiveness.

2. You will not receive the approach, regardless of how wonderful you might be.

3. But this will never happen for the average submissive gentleman who's not looking to pay for domination or exchange favors.

All 3 of these statements are false and absolutely nonsense. 

1... Statements like this as well as the similar garbage of "women only want men who are six feet tall, make six figures, who have an above average 🍆" are lies men tell themselves and each other because those are things outside of their control, therefore they have no personal responsibility for their struggles finding partners. The reality is the things women want, both dominant and not, are well within a man's control. Things like emotional intelligence and being emotionally healthy, recognizing that women are whole people and individuals, treat others with respect and kindness, being a good and decent human, having good and *healthy* communication skills, basic hygiene, being a reasonably functional and responsible adult. The bar is seriously SO. LOW. 

2... Not with that attitude you won't, and not if you aren't visible in spaces that compatible people can find you. 

3... Arguably... the "average submissive gentleman" is rarely a gentleman or actually submissive, so yeah... if any Dominant woman is going to be willing or want to interact with them in any significant way (in the way that these men are seeking), then yeah, they're going to also want compensation. 

5 hours ago, Slifer said:

So, if you are this kind of dominant, how do you wish someone to approach you?

What would make you feel drawn to them? What signs do you give?

Do you offer any hints? What are they?

Do you converse among yourselves and refer people to one another beforehand?

If online, most will say in their profiles exactly what they're looking for, how they prefer to be approached, and if they even want to be approached at all. Many will even be as specific as how *not* to approach them. 

What makes an individual Dom woman be drawn to anyone will vary greatly, because women are PEOPLE, each an individual with their own specific likes, wants, preferences and needs. See above where I've already mentioned many things that most women find appealing in addition to having a profile and bio that's well filled out. Again... this has been discussed in detail in many other posts and threads before so I'm not going to go into the details of a profile and bio. Be genuine and authentic. 

It's best to be clear and direct in communication, don't try to look for "signs and hints" 

Yes... women absolutely talk to each other about their experiences with men. Sometimes that will include referring people to one another but most often it's unfortunately sharing of negative experiences and who to avoid. 

Wrapping up as well as reiterating... being a good human and partner in general and mutual compatibility as individual people should be *at least* as much of a priority as whether or not your kink interests align, and personally I'd argue that it's actually more important. Also... dating of any kind is just hard and requires the right mindset and loads of patience. 

Edited September 18, 2024 by ThaliaV

[Sl****]

19 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

This has been discussed many times before, I've even seen you participating in some of them, so you even know that already. 

Much of what you talk about in your OP is based in fantasy and preconceived ideas that are incorrect and unrealistic. Dominant women aren't actually "rare" many are in relationships already but most are purposely hiding and difficult to find due to the behavior of the men who seek them claiming to be "submissive". 

If online, most will say in their profiles exactly what they're looking for, how they prefer to be approached, and if they even want to be approached at all. Many will even be as specific as how *not* to approach them. 

What makes an individual Dom woman be drawn to anyone will vary greatly, because women are PEOPLE, each an individual with their own specific likes, wants, preferences and needs. See above where I've already mentioned many things that most women find appealing in addition to having a profile and bio that's well filled out. Again... this has been discussed in detail in many other posts and threads before so I'm not going to go into the details of a profile and bio. Be genuine and authentic. 

It's best to be clear and direct in communication, don't try to look for "signs and hints" 

Yes... women absolutely talk to each other about their experiences with men. Sometimes that will include referring people to one another but most often it's unfortunately sharing of negative experiences and who to avoid. 

Wrapping up as well as reiterating... being a good human and partner in general and mutual compatibility as individual people should be *at least* as much of a priority as whether or not your kink interests align, and personally I'd argue that it's actually more important. Also... dating of any kind is just hard and requires the right mindset and loads of patience. 

Oh how do you do the reply thing! That’s super super useful!!
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I can only speak from my own personal experience but.. as I’ve been active for many years starting out with exactly clear things that I’ve wanted and trying to get anywhere near that I’ve not been successful. So I’ve sort of.. hidden and become some fake dominant switch thing just in order not to dwell on my failure as much. I’m very happy though and I can probably cope like this forever even if it’s not ideal. It would be wonderful to just magically come across someone and we hit it off but yea.
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I attract so many submissive people in life I find it sort of horrible and off putting to myself. I don’t even know what kind of energy I’m giving out. But yea I’m not sure.. going to some events I can only seem to pinpoint the differences between the successful people and me. I know it’s a horrible mindset to be in but I can’t really help it. Now of course since I’ve kind of given that all up I just don’t need to worry about it anymore but for someone else that would be in the same shoes as me what the hell they should be doing. How they should act if they are in the corners and can’t move in to approach, what they should do even dressing or anything to look more appealing, body language. Etc
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Yes, everything you have said is logical and correct. I find dating very easy if I was a dominant person, almost too easy. The other way around it’s kind of impossible I just don’t know what I’m doing at all. There’s no real “how to” guide or “What to do”. I’m an actor too I want to just.. be able to fit into a character description for approaches and successfully replicate it for myself adjusting to my own self and tailoring some things. It would be so.. so helpful if someone were to just give me a script of how to approach perfectly for X type of people haha 😅😂
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Seems like I just need to keep trying after long long breaks at a time just so I don’t fall into all the sad stuff

[Th****]

3 hours ago, Slifer said:

I dunno.. being myself means having complete control over everything in my life and all the plans and absolutely everything.

I want someone to see that and want to think they can take care of me or something I dunno.

But early and truly I have to be the one to approach so I’m asking

No... what people mean by "be yourself" is be genuine and authentically *you*. Trying to figure out a way to "play a character" in order to appeal to a certain type of person is an absolutely horrible idea and plan, it's manipulative and disingenuous. Compatibility is important on both sides of the equation, it's not only about if the other person is who you want and who appeals to you. You need to genuinely and authentically appeal to the other person before any sort of power exchange or giving up control is even up for discussion. 

Having the want and expectation of looking for someone to "take care of you" is potentially a large part of your struggle maybe. I don't know a single woman seeing someone to "take care of". If we want that, we'll just go get a puppy, kitten or even a plant. If it's a human that's wanting to be in the position of being taken care of like a pet or submissive it's certainly a thing to be earned. Liking someone as person, their character, enjoying spending time with them, *wanting* to spend time with them. How can that person enrich our life in ways that we can't do for ourselves? What do you add with your presence that's more desirable than her peace and contentment with herself? 

 

[Th****]

42 minutes ago, Slifer said:

I… on theory you sound very correct and it’s logical.

Not "in theory," in actuality. Dominant women stating what it is they like, want and look for and what their friends and ***rs have told them what they want, like, and look for are the actual authorities on what it is that Dominant women seek and what appeals to them. 

 

47 minutes ago, Slifer said:

Although when put into practice I really have absolutely no idea where to start. I feel like I’m just repeating the same stuff over and over again to new people and it’s sort of becoming a TV White noise fuzz of just starting conversation. Nothing.. really happening. Every single time I sort of die a bit more..

Read what you wrote here, carefully. When you're repeating the same things over and over to new people is there also a common theme to the responses you're getting? Are you actually taking in those responses or are you repeating the same things hoping to get the answers you want to hear? 

[Th****]

If what you've idealized in your mind doesn't actually exist in reality, you're not going to find it. 

[Sl****]

17 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

If what you've idealized in your mind doesn't actually exist in reality, you're not going to find it. 

The one thing that haunts me is that it exists half way across the world.. or just.. always distant. It’s what I was introduced to and I didn’t know what it was until it was introduced to me all the things.. I only want the same sort of stuff I had long time ago.
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Definitely if it didn’t exist and was just a fantasy imagination I wouldn’t be trying to chase it but people message me from a million miles away saying all the stuff and have these outstanding fully matching profiles and more. Nothing nearby ever

[Sl****]

25 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Read what you wrote here, carefully. When you're repeating the same things over and over to new people is there also a common theme to the responses you're getting? Are you actually taking in those responses or are you repeating the same things hoping to get the answers you want to hear? 

It’s more like… hi, what’s your favourite colour, favourite food, things you like, ☠️ just starting over from the very beginning.
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Before I could just say like.. Something deep and great for conversation starters but now.. I’ve just run out and I got nothing…

[Sl****]

39 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

No... what people mean by "be yourself" is be genuine and authentically *you*. Trying to figure out a way to "play a character" in order to appeal to a certain type of person is an absolutely horrible idea and plan, it's manipulative and disingenuous. Compatibility is important on both sides of the equation, it's not only about if the other person is who you want and who appeals to you. You need to genuinely and authentically appeal to the other person before any sort of power exchange or giving up control is even up for discussion. 

Having the want and expectation of looking for someone to "take care of you" is potentially a large part of your struggle maybe. I don't know a single woman seeing someone to "take care of". If we want that, we'll just go get a puppy, kitten or even a plant. If it's a human that's wanting to be in the position of being taken care of like a pet or submissive it's certainly a thing to be earned. Liking someone as person, their character, enjoying spending time with them, *wanting* to spend time with them. How can that person enrich our life in ways that we can't do for ourselves? What do you add with your presence that's more desirable than her peace and contentment with herself? 

 

I think I’ve always had a role model character I wanted to be exactly like and tailor them to my own person.
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I would really like that or just.. something I can follow and be like. I dunno I think it would be the best thing.. I’ve asked people to take me and like.. guide me through the process or maybe introduce me to people first hand but aghhh 😅😂
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Don’t worry about it 😁 thank you so much for your time and your responses ❤️💕 I really appreciate everything from you 🥰 I hope I didn’t disturb your day/ night too much

[Th****]

3 hours ago, Slifer said:

It’s more like… hi, what’s your favourite colour, favourite food, things you like, ☠️ just starting over from the very beginning.
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Before I could just say like.. Something deep and great for conversation starters but now.. I’ve just run out and I got nothing…

Ah... that's not how I read it. I took it as you're asking for advice and having this discussion over and over. Given this answer, yeah... that's just how it is pretty much with any sort of dating and relationship seeking. *Most* people you encounter will be incompatible is some way or other. That's just how it is for nearly everyone in any context, vanilla and not. Don't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak, it sounds like you're going to events as well as being here. Are you also going to events just to have a good time generally socializing and seeking to form all sorts of connections and *friendships* too? Friendships and social circles are valuable for meeting people you might otherwise never have bumped into. Enjoy life, keep growing as an individual, love and take care of yourself and your friends. If your profile is accurate you're super young still and there's no rush. 

[Sl****]

5 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Ah... that's not how I read it. I took it as you're asking for advice and having this discussion over and over. Given this answer, yeah... that's just how it is pretty much with any sort of dating and relationship seeking. *Most* people you encounter will be incompatible is some way or other. That's just how it is for nearly everyone in any context, vanilla and not. Don't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak, it sounds like you're going to events as well as being here. Are you also going to events just to have a good time generally socializing and seeking to form all sorts of connections and *friendships* too? Friendships and social circles are valuable for meeting people you might otherwise never have bumped into. Enjoy life, keep growing as an individual, love and take care of yourself and your friends. If your profile is accurate you're super young still and there's no rush. 

Originally yea I met people at events just for jokes and fun but I have way too many friends and yea they are all good but because it’s with the submissive crowd it’s not… nobody knows anyone 😂 in fact I’m the one that’s giving who I know and what etc.
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Thanks a lot ❤️💕 you’ve spent lots of your time communicating and not being mean/ hating, I really appreciate it a lot

[Rainydaye88]

Yesterday at 01:39 PM, Slifer said:

I… on theory you sound very correct and it’s logical.

Although when put into practice I really have absolutely no idea where to start. I feel like I’m just repeating the same stuff over and over again to new people and it’s sort of becoming a TV White noise fuzz of just starting conversation. Nothing.. really happening. Every single time I sort of die a bit more..

Nowadays I can’t ask people who are supposedly “dominants” out on dates. I just can’t bring myself to initiate that. Less and less I’ve been able to talk or start conversations or just.

At events I just watch the other people talk to people and I can’t bring myself to go in like I used to. It’s completely drained out of me. Then I guess my jealousy becomes an all time high as I’d start to want to be like those people who are being approached and all of that. Some of them probably have never approached people in their life. They just get it.

Online yea it’s a different thing but still I’m drained out. I can’t do it anymore I just browse by someone’s profile, think wow what a lovely person, then move on my way if they have mentioned something that’s not 100% pure compatible with what I’m looking for cause if they were exact 100% match I think I have a few of those approaches left in me?

I’m not sure how to describe it. I’m not ugly btw I’m not saying that, I’m just not exceptionally outstanding 10/10 super model beautiful to be approached in that way.

Events I’ve been since I was 20 to now. Online I’ve been looking for almost ever 😅😂 but I won’t get into that it seems to stir a lot of hate and negativity towards me

Yeah. Search fatigue. It's a thing, for sure. Again, I can only speak for myself, but it is exhausting vetting. There is no shame in taking a mental break from it. I've had to muuuuultiple times. Granted from the opposite side of the coin of too many people approaching and not many actually landing cause they are so focused on the idea of me that it can feel like I don't actually exist as a being beyond a dominant.

Either way, I do feel what you're saying. It's exhausting. If you're trying to make a spark in a conversation, but all you're feeling is burning you out, the prime directive is to take care of you at the end of the day.

[Tu****]

If I like a submissive I will approach.
I always did, but for me it’s very hard to do it online, I don’t trust them to be honest about it the submission part and looks like they just look for an easy hook up.
I like to study him, like a hunter I like to see him all blushing because I’m just watching him. It’s a process not just an easy way to get laid.

[Sl****]

6 hours ago, Tupi said:

If I like a submissive I will approach.
I always did, but for me it’s very hard to do it online, I don’t trust them to be honest about it the submission part and looks like they just look for an easy hook up.
I like to study him, like a hunter I like to see him all blushing because I’m just watching him. It’s a process not just an easy way to get laid.

That sounds so… perfectly romantic like the start of an amazing romance movie wow

[Mz****]

If the right conditions are met, and I see a submissive I like, then I would definitely approach. The conditions are were in community I’ve known and seeing you interact with people
in the community, and I got a general sense of who you are.