How do you learn what you do and don't like?

[Mi****]

So I'm brand new to the exploration of all of this...where do I start? HOW do I start? Any advice would be greatly helpful. 😅

[su****]

Personally, I'd start small, say stuff you can do alone. Some toys, choking, etc. Just do what you feel comfortable with. (If you must, you can use the internet, but be careful using it)

[da****]

But start slow, it's better than jumping right in. Take your time and explore, look up soft stuff and take baby steps into kinkier stuff.

[al****]

Heh, it's a pretty daunting task starting out. I checked your profile and it says you like to be dominant. My advice would be to seek out other Doms in your area, even female ones, and let them teach you. Another possibility is finding an experienced sub willing to let you learn. A third possibility is watching videos and reading books on being a dom and finding someone to practice with. Hope 1 of those helps you.

[na****]

I used to watch videos something would be interesting and I would try it eventually I found a list of things I like and like to do just don't push yourself into anything that makes you uncomfortable and I agree be careful with the Internet

[Ca****]

Don't try everything at once. Find a few semi-related things you're interested in and make sure not to overwhelm yourself.

[Mo****]

Begin with theory before video. How do different scenarios feel to think about? Sure they’re all somehow interesting but you’ll feel a spark from a few.
Once comfortable with what you’re interested in, you can try them with a consenting partner or watch similar scenario videos.

[ja****]

Take a bdsm test, go to a munch, find a good party, observe

[ja****]

Be curious

[Cr****]

Research is important so do your homework before jumping in.

[pe****]

I would say for the husband and I most of our now interests have stemmed from the curiousy of porn videos we watch.

[Ca****]

Lots of research, to learn and gauge your interests as well as to make certain that whatever you are doing or whatever is being done to you is done in a safe manner. Find a local munch or club and go see the happenings and talk to people. Always be respectful.

[Deleted Member]

Another thing you can visit are tasting locations that put on shows and demos that will display a wide variety of things so you can ask questions

[Go****]

Read, research, listen, watch, and never stop learning or asking for help if unsure.

There are some great websites that explain all about different kinks, safety, consent, etiquette, acronyms and so on. Some things will be interesting but not for you, but others will catch your imagination.

Kynk101, Coffee&Kink, Fetlife; all places you can read up on it. There's also people on here who contribute to kink podcasts.

[Cr****]

Research the safety aspects is another reason to do your research

[Gl****]

take the bdsmtest* first and do the long test its free. this will give you a baseline for what you may like. then look up your local munch or kink group most major cities have one. and join your local community. a good resource for groups is fetlife.

Edited October 24, 2024 by FETMOD-TF
*removed external link

[Mi****]

Hey everyone thanks for the replies. Majorly big help.

[Bu****]

Sometimes you stumble upon things, rather through another individual, porn, or research. Going to lifestyle events and clubs can increase your opportunity to expand your interests as well

[tw****]

If you see something you're curious about, try it with someone you trust. That's how I figured out everything I'm into haha

[Deleted Member]

I have been listening to the Spank U next podcasts specifically the basics series. This gives a good general overview on introduction to the various BDSM disciplines. They are definitely worth a listen. Anna and Gregor do a great job to give you an idea of what each is like.

[Deleted Member]

First and foremost, research a good safe word system (red, yellow, green like a stoplight is a good one). You’re going to start off doing a lot by trial and error and cementing your safe words ensures that you and your partner always have a good way to communicate if something isn’t working.
Second, try things. There are so many people with such a variety of kinks and different levels of experience. We all have to start somewhere and everyone understands that. Your best asset is exactly what it is meeting people in other areas of life - be kind and be interesting - there will be time to be mean later when you’ve established more trust with someone if that’s what you’re into.
Best of luck and be safe. I hope this is a really rewarding journey for you as it was for me.

[Mi****]

Y'all what the f**k is a munch

[Deleted Member]

A munch is a group of people that gather to discuss BDSM topics and vet people for events

[ey****]

1 hour ago, MisterGambit said:

Y'all what the f**k is a munch

it's a social meeting for kinky folk - as well as being a good way to make friends in a local area it's also a good way to share ideas etc. 

[ey****]

I think the kinda...

You must have SOME idea what you would be interested in exploring.   

If the position is "I am kinky, but don't know what kinky is" then how do you know you're kinky?  

So you find out what it is you are interested in exploring and you research how to do it, and how to do it safely, and buy anything you need for it.    Want to flog someone? Start buying floggers.  Want to dress in leather and have people call you Daddy? Buy some leathers.   Want to be a rigger? Buy some lengths of rope, a beginners book on Shibari (or many many youtube tutorials) and start learning about knots, friction burns, safety, etc and practice self ties.

You do not need a partner for most of the ground work.

Most people do not like to be experiments.

If you do get a partner then you need to look at common ground on what interests you both - so, you again, need to be comfortable with what interests you.