Not into what my partner is, how do I deal with this?

[Deleted Member]

My partner and I have been together fr 3 years, I would say my previous experience in the bedroom was more rough fun, not BDSM, though I've always been curious I'm the submissive type. 

My partner and I mutually agreed with this for the first 2 years of our relationship. Recently he has been pushing me to be a femdom to him- I have absolutely 0 interest in being a femdom. He wants to dress feminine, he steals my bras and underwear without asking, takes my make and asked me to peg him.

I told him many times that I'm not comfortable with that and that I'm not into men who dress feminine, and that I would like to return to what we had. He keeps pushing names on me like mistress and insists on continuing this. 

How can I fix it, what do I say? 

[da****]

If you don't fit together sexually then you don't fit. Sooner or later one of you is going to start searching something on the side.

[Darknightshadow]

You’ve said it, I think you need to return to the start. He is what he his. Only things you could do invite a dominant bisexual man to the mix otherwise drop him and find a good dom

[sm****]

If you've told him you're uncomfortable, and he keeps ignoring that, then it sounds like he just doesn't care that it makes you uncomfortable. I'm afraid you can't make him care. You could try one more time, literally use your safe word next time he tries it (or have a conversation sooner and say "I am using my safe word here. I do not consent to being your domme") make sure that you frame this in terms of consent. Maybe also ask him if he'd be happy if he was being pegged by someone who was miserable over it.
But ultimately, it doesn't sound like you're compatible, and it sounds like he's being really shitty repeatedly insisting on something that you keep saying you're not comfortable with. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't mind if you're miserable so long as they get to call you mistress?

[Gl****]

My boss and his wife got a divorce for this very same situation. She caught him using her dildo one day.
It’s hard to give advice without knowing your guys‘s connection. Maybe you guys are better off as friends. You are gonna have to ask yourself a lot of tough questions. Are you willing to let him step out to find what he’s looking for and still be with him if your relationship is strong enough? Is someone that wants you to peg them all the time someone you wanna be with? I know myself, like I need this lifestyle. I live and I breathe it. You don’t want him to resent you either. You have to really find out how you feel about things and then be able to express that to him. Will he give it up for you or is this craving he has stronger than your relationship? I wish you the best of luck on whatever happens.

[ey****]

it may be he's already too far gone here, and that even if you can gave an ultimatum or set a final boundary - this is still something he wants to explore and so things would be ultimately unresolved.

A first choice is to end the relationship for both your sakes, he is pushing in a direction you don't want to go AND is breaking your boundaries in the process - while on the flip, this is something he wants that you, very fairly, can't/won't offer 

Alternatively.  You can set out an alternative ultimatum in what you want from play/relationship and what you don't want - but give him a blessing to explore/play with someone else.  This won't be an instant fix, and he will have to be patient in finding someone and/or consider a Pro (on the up, someone to explore with on a frequency that suits everyone, on the down - obviously costs *** : I'm also not sure how Canadian laws compare to US laws, the US laws do make it more difficult to find a Pro than it should)

On the alternative route, you have to be happy with this. So does he. And you also need to be happy that he remains committed to you and isn't going to switch to someone else who can offer him something closer to what he now wants : if you feel the latter, then return to the first point as, sadly, ending is the only real option. 

 

[ge****]

You've not mentioned his age, but given you're only 19 and have been together since you were 16, and assuming he's not a great deal older, it's a time of your life when you'll *both* be starting to explore sexually - so in some ways it's only natural that you both are finding different things you like/dislike.
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Again making the assumption he's of a similar age, most men don't mature sexually until a lot later than women - so that may also be a factor.
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That said it's not right he's forcing things on you or trying to take you down paths you don't want to go - so really is time to sit him down and tell him that what he's expecting isn't something you are comfortable with - and if he's not willing to listen to consider ending the relationship and moving on - accepting that you're simply not compatible sexually. You're young enough that you have time to find someone that fits with your needs and desires.
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It's not that he's wrong for liking what he likes either - though he's wrong for trying to put those on you - just that you're not compatible.
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If this were something not kink related - for example he insisted you hand over all your *** to him - you'd not think twice about telling him where to get off, this is actually no different.

[Fe****]

Ugh leave him. Easy

[Th****]

If he doesn't understand to stop when told no, you leave him.

[no****]

If you don’t have any interest tell him one more time if he still is wanting that break up and find someone else or find some other way to satisfy him and your self

[Ou****]

Your young enough to find plenty of men that are into what you are. Take the advice of those of us who have been there done that. Just move onto to someone better and in sync with you. Good luck baby.

[Bl****]

Get a bull 🐂

[st****]

If you two are open; perhaps you can have a conversation and tell him that you are not comfortable with what he wants/needs, but he can find someone that will fulfill that desire. You can then find someone who suits your BDSM submissive needs, and then the two of you can find ways to connect together after your sessions with your others.

[Bu****]

In my mind I see few options which you can consider (depending on the fellings and other circumstances), but serious conversation would be required if is more serious... you can have a open relationship, add a 3rd person(preferably a dom) and you 2 can have fun together... or simply leave and find something else for you...

[Gr****]

Leave him now but first get identity theft protection.

[lo****]

When the sexual compatibility is so different it can be a sign that he’s evolved and didn’t bring you with him! He’s not respectful of your boundaries and a deep conversation is required. You need to know he may not be able to deviate from his path and you may have to leave to find someone more suitable to your own needs and desires…good luck

[De****]

Honestly, it seems like you are at an impasse. Everyone deserves to be in the type of dynamic you desire. It seems like you are not wanting the same dynamic. You can both commit to a compromise, but ask yourself - is that going to be what’s going to make you happy? Is it fair for him to *** you to do something that you aren’t comfortable with ? Is it fair for you to have him give up his deepest desires? It sounds harsh, but maybe consider that you aren’t a good fit.

[TJ****]

This person very obviously does not respect your crystal clear boundaries. I’d suggest moving on, people don’t change those fundamental aspects of themselves.

[Sa****]

get a locking gun case for your things and leave a psychiatrists printout of providers their insurance covers that should say it pretty clearly

[de****]

I’m sorry that you’re going through this but we’re all adults. Maybe he just recently discovered this side of himself or felt comfortable enough to share with you.
He should respect it but might be so eager to submit that he refuses to see it, in which case you need to make him see it without feeding his desire to put you in a mistress role.
Like I tell all my playmates, just use your words.
With that said you have a lot of good advice in the above comments, good luck.

[ca****]

Well this is where yal both can open up an be free

[AV****]

Damn it really sounds like he has no respect for your boundaries. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not going to tell you what you should do, but that doesn't sound healthy or sustainable to me.

[PR****]

Find out what YOU like first. It will expand your mind out of your comfort zone and you all (if a even level dominance relationship, that is) will find what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes is what we are not “into” is what we really want. Don’t compromise your morals or do anything for someone you don’t want to. However, if your partner is in to something and you’re not sure… do the same to them, with what you like. It will work out, or cause a challenge. Either way the key if to to open and honest and balance your roles.

[PR****]

But like I said, that’s an answer I chose under the impression this isn’t an ownership relationship.

[GGem16]

He's obviously looking for you to scratch some itches of his. But the way he's gong about it isn't right.
Why not discuss openly and see if there is some switching to be done. Maybe you could dominate him a little in ways you feel comfortuble that would satiate what he's after.
Go through what you will and won't do.
Is there anything that you would maybe be open to working up to for him?

What puts you off certain things and can you talk about how you could get round it?

I think you are wanting to have all the things you like but not open to what he likes. Ask him if you could start smaller end.
Sometimes seeing your partner enjoying something is the turn on.
But yes do not do anything you are not confortuble with.
Time to rediscuss limits I think.