A Dominant’s Dilemma: How Do *You* Want to Be Approached?

[Je****]

Make me feel seen. I am a human and I have value, even if I can't see it myself.

All too often, the only time anyone messages me is when they want to tickle their fetish itch. And it isnt hard to pick up on that. While I enjoy aspects of that sort of objectification, if that is all there is, then I already know how it is going to turn out.
For the followup to that, I make it abundantly clear what I want, but no one wants to read a profile and actually read it

Online:

For the love of all that exists, the "hey", the "wyd", and the generic "hi", messages give me nothing to build off of. For a conversation to work, write something into your message that invites dialog. Ask me something about myself, express an interest in who I am, what I do, or anything that leaves me something to build on. If you can't carry a conversation, then you are boring and just playing pretend at being a Dom.

In person:

Do something that shows that I matter. I don't want to feel like the only girl in the room, I want to feel that I have been found special enough to be worth your time. Observe me, find something to break the ice, and if nothing else, pick something that isnt played out and pay me a compliment.
Your approach should be confident but without swagger. Take the time to ask me questions about myself and then set up your responses by listening to what I say and drawing more out of me. Your tone, your body language, and your actions convey a lot, but it is an art to making someone feel seen as a person and not a meat-hole.


Instant turn-offs:

If you have to tell me that you are a Dom, then you aren't one. It's all about presence, and you shouldn't need to declare yourself to communicate who you are.

If you feel the need to immediately go towards sexualized conversation, then that is a no-go. What that tells me is that you are just here to get your rocks off and I have no interest in a one-and-done.

TL;DR:
Don't be boring and do make me feel like I am more than just meat.

[CT****]

You want to get some dinner sushi?

[AL****]

Dude Kudos for this question. I need to know the fine line and where it is but forget to ask always when Im on…cause Im chasing kitty but I for one am thankful for the posing of this question and the insight I can gain from its posing.

[Ge****]

For me, it's specifically tied to a person's confidence and their genuine interest in me or the people around them. If you need to tell me you are a Dom, then you are not what I need. I will know by how you interact with the people around you.

[pr****]

For me, submitting has a lot to do with trust. If you come at me right off the jump being aggressive and “dominant” it won’t work. Come at me like a person. Have a conversation. Build up to it. By the time you reach the point; 1. You’ll know 2. You’ll have a girl wound up so tight she will want to submit. It’s about the build up. Not the “do as I say slut” when I don’t even know what hogwarts house your in yet. That’s crazy

[SissyslutSamantha]

I'm 100% submissive I graduated in 2023 from a sissification Academy and I learned there that my job and purpose is to please and pleasure weather is cock of a man a woman a vagina or a strap on of a woman I love being dominated I love to be taken and used shared and taken advantage of I love it when they take a hold of my arm and put me on my knees and make me suck their dick strap on or eat pussy or take me in any position or as many positions as they want in private or in front of others and to share me and use me as they see fit. I absolutely love serving and relinquishing power to them, I like it rough and dominate.

[cu****]

Instant turnoff- being super sexual immediately or assuming priviledge where you haven't earned any yet. Instant red flag with no reply

Green flag - questions about my experience, likes, dislikes etc. Get to know me as a person before you try to dominate me. If you don't know me, you won't be able to read me in an actual scene and its dangerous for both of us.

Ideal Dom is 90% sweet and 10% sadistic....the caring side needs to be there to make you feel safe and made that sadistic side all the more effective

[Fathership]

On 5/20/2025 at 6:22 AM, TheMacabreBrat said:

Nobody is a dominant without consent. You can be the most domly dom that ever dommed.  As soon as you come into my inbox giving me demands you are blocked. I can't stand those who feel the need to have to be in control of everything and everyone 

That's what it feels like to me - when I have had a woman submit it was because she wanted to, wanted me and trusted me.  That giving of consent, to willingly surrender to me is far more a turn on than me trying to take what is not truly mine could ever be.  

Edited June 10, 2025 by Fathership

[Fathership]

On 5/30/2025 at 2:48 PM, Jess86 said:

Make me feel seen. I am a human and I have value, even if I can't see it myself.

All too often, the only time anyone messages me is when they want to tickle their fetish itch. And it isnt hard to pick up on that. While I enjoy aspects of that sort of objectification, if that is all there is, then I already know how it is going to turn out.
For the followup to that, I make it abundantly clear what I want, but no one wants to read a profile and actually read it

Online:

For the love of all that exists, the "hey", the "wyd", and the generic "hi", messages give me nothing to build off of. For a conversation to work, write something into your message that invites dialog. Ask me something about myself, express an interest in who I am, what I do, or anything that leaves me something to build on. If you can't carry a conversation, then you are boring and just playing pretend at being a Dom.

In person:

Do something that shows that I matter. I don't want to feel like the only girl in the room, I want to feel that I have been found special enough to be worth your time. Observe me, find something to break the ice, and if nothing else, pick something that isnt played out and pay me a compliment.
Your approach should be confident but without swagger. Take the time to ask me questions about myself and then set up your responses by listening to what I say and drawing more out of me. Your tone, your body language, and your actions convey a lot, but it is an art to making someone feel seen as a person and not a meat-hole.


Instant turn-offs:

If you have to tell me that you are a Dom, then you aren't one. It's all about presence, and you shouldn't need to declare yourself to communicate who you are.

If you feel the need to immediately go towards sexualized conversation, then that is a no-go. What that tells me is that you are just here to get your rocks off and I have no interest in a one-and-done.

TL;DR:
Don't be boring and do make me feel like I am more than just meat.

Well said, and thank you for sharing!  (Also thank you for your honest and detailed profile

[Pl****]

Wow. All these coments tell me two things. First, that I've got it right in terms of my approach ... though I'm more of a dom in the bedroom only. Second, I'm clearly lacking some Inherent something special to stand out. Though to be fair, at least here, most of the people I've message look like they haven't actually seen my messages.

[Fi****]

It is extremely hard to find a dom in the wild. It has happened a few times, and with every time, they were confident, not cocky. They saw me and approached right away instead of doing the glances for a while. They knew what they wanted and immediately went for it. They chatted me up for a few minutes, and when it clicked, they told me what to do without being overbearing to see how I responded. (You're going to sit here and watch me finish this game of pool while I get to see those beautiful eyes on me.) Or something like that. So he told me what to do just to test the water, and it progressed as the night went on.
Online, I always roll my eyes when it's just...hey. Some women get a dozen messages a day, so you have to do better than that.

[Deleted Member]

I don’t know if this is going to make much sense and might come off as strange, but what makes me “lean in” is if we are walking to wherever, is he going to be walking on the side closest to the street and discreetly moving me to the other side of him. How we enter a building together and if he holds the door but still enters the building first. Also, opening up car doors, how he treats employees at restaurants/bars. How he carries himself. Natural Doms give off a vibe for sure. Some are hard to pick up on lol.

What makes me roll my eyes

asking for spicy pictures if we haven’t met in person.

Not listening to my likes or dislikes

Being pushy or demanding. You don’t get to boss me around if we haven’t met yet or established boundaries, likes, etc

When I tell them I don’t like something but they keep prying or pushing then asking if I am shy.

Men who refer to themselves as a Dom but don’t even understand the dynamics to a D/s dynamic.

Turn-offs

Downright rude behavior
Lack of communication
Greedy
Wants to push my boundaries (ha good luck)
Doesn’t respect your personal time
If he drinks a lot
Also, how he treats his momma. If he receives a phone call from his mom, I tend to not listen to the conversation but how he interacts with her and his tone.
Lying. You will always get caught 🤭

[Deleted Member]

I try n be very respectful and open. Its hit n miss, but, im only looking to find the right one so. The right hit will happen sooner or later.

[00****]

These ladies get a shit ton of messages. To stand out from a fair percentage of those messages, 1)Keep it on your pants for f**k sales. 2)Try a quick bio-read for 30 seconds and fire them anything that mentions anything in their profile. This creates a feeling of calm while you first get acquainted. 1)You are both equals from the first message, to that last slap on the a**.

[00****]

And 8) Don't ask me for counting tips

[bu****]

Tbh I'm pretty straight forward don't be nasty the literal first message I don't know you.
Read my bio so A you don't become interested and the. Learn I'm not the right type of sub for you it sucks for both parties and
B You get information before hand so you Already know some things about me or my preferences so you know more of what specifics to ask
If you want a specific kind of relationship/ dynamic start with that after your first greeting ..... Hi.. how is your day I saw your profile ...etc....this is me this is what I would like with a submissive is that something you Would be interested in

[bu****]

And please realize that some of us could be told something different or Wrong regarding a topic or kink / dynamic ask why..... It is not a bad question don't be Rude but ask then maybe you could both learn something from another I learned about a lot of kinks by asking questions but there was a time I was not comfortable asking and I feel I would've knows more

[Submissive_summer]

👩‍💻 online.
When we first interact online.... we are on equal ground.... You may be dominant in your nature.... but I’m not automatically submissive just because of that.... Coming in heavy with dominance doesn’t work for me... I’m a person first and foremost... so approach me on that level.... engage with me...have a real conversation and let me feel your character before expecting me to automatically lean because im a submissive.....


👥In person
What draws me in is presence.... Locked eye contact.... steady energy and the confidence to hold space without pushing it onto me..

[Deleted Member]

For me, it’s using the word “you” instead of “I”. When I feel like you really focus on me, it’s almost irresistible. And sweetness outside the bed wins with me too. That way I know I can trust your decisions in the bed.