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Jade-1622

By Jade-1622
in New to BDSM, Kink & Fetish?

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my****

my****

Posted
13 minutes ago, EggsAndSteak said:

I’m in a similar situation. My partner can’t get hard due to a combination of issues, and this problem has been getting progressively worse over the years. It’s common to go three months between sex. His lower libido has absolutely affected our D/s lifestyle. We hardly play to the extent I want and it hurts.

I lost about a decade of fun times due to an eating disorder. No period meant no libido, and I went 11 long, miserable years without sex. I’m doing much better now, and I have a sex drive much higher than when I was in my early 20s. There’s a part of me that wants to make up for lost time, but the other part of me is also very devoted to my partner.

We communicate constantly. I masturbate often. We’re always intimate in some way. But the depression and anxiety that stems from the lack of a physical connection is very real for both of us. I wish I could provide advice, but I’m kinda looking for wisdom also. It’s an unfortunate situation.

Know that it has nothing to do with you. I’ve been where the guy is, and it’s unlikely it’s something you can change. The worst thing you can do is look at it as something you did, or are not doing. Just let the guy know it might be time to talk to his doctor about it and you’d be happy to go with him. Typically it’s anti-depressants that causes the problem but it can be too much stress as well. It’s a problem for both of you to work on, but not something you’re responsible for, or can fix. Trust me, when it doesn’t come up like it has anytime it’s been called since he was 12, it’s embarrassing but it’s no one’s fault.

ol****

ol****

Posted
9 hours ago, BIGDICK13 said:
No I'm some who loves to fuck and fuck for hrs thru the day and my wife can't keep up y I'm on here trying to find somone to fell her spot and just fuck all day and night every hole they have 🤤❤️

So you here to cheat on your wife?

Ve****

Ve****

Posted
I think It depends on how much the non hypersexual can adapt to his/her partner and vice versa. It all boils down to prioritizing mutual satisfaction.
ey****

ey****

Posted

I mean. Nuance is important.

Here's a thing. Imagine two people in a couple who both consider themselves to be hypersexual.  

There are still going to be times when one is going to say no and the other is going to have to deal with that.

But, crucially. In this hypothetical couple - what if one person's libido drops?  Illness? Accident? Pregnancy/Childbirth? Menopause? Impotence? etc

So then this asks the question - if you consider yourself hypersexual - how does a long-term relationship play out if the other person's libido drops?  How does the relationship play out if yours drops?   Because if you can find a way, or hope a partner wouldn't leave you, then you can find a way to make a relationship work with someone with a lower sex drive.   Just, y'know, masturbate if you aint getting some.

sa****

sa****

Posted
Understanding matters a lot in that role ! But the over all cover up is the both sides getting into each other as in hot as f**k ! That would go a long way
do****

do****

Posted
6 hours ago, EggsAndSteak said:

I’m in a similar situation. My partner can’t get hard due to a combination of issues, and this problem has been getting progressively worse over the years. It’s common to go three months between sex. His lower libido has absolutely affected our D/s lifestyle. We hardly play to the extent I want and it hurts.

I lost about a decade of fun times due to an eating disorder. No period meant no libido, and I went 11 long, miserable years without sex. I’m doing much better now, and I have a sex drive much higher than when I was in my early 20s. There’s a part of me that wants to make up for lost time, but the other part of me is also very devoted to my partner.

We communicate constantly. I masturbate often. We’re always intimate in some way. But the depression and anxiety that stems from the lack of a physical connection is very real for both of us. I wish I could provide advice, but I’m kinda looking for wisdom also. It’s an unfortunate situation.

That's a very touching situation but as I know tantric therapy I can say the very core problem you two are experiencing is really not connected to low or high libido.

Sex is often reduced as act with genitals, penetration, etc but that's a very naive and limited understanding of sex but we all often get ourselves looking for just a narrow view of sex.

This narrow view of sex as just genitals is actually attached to egocentrism tendency we all have because we are someone who acts in world.

So in tantric view it starts to be healed, sex is only fully achieved when egocentric pursuit of pleasure is surpassed and people start to understand sex as something you can do for the other as a source of pleasure for both.

This means to understand that sex is about how two or more people use their bodies as a single organism and that whole single organism composed of multiple people will have pleasure when this single organism is achieved during sex.

That's why sex is all about complementary traits, a master is made perfect for a slave and a slave for a master, because together they form a single organism in sex. Same for a rope bunny and a rigger, a sadist and a masochist, etc, etc.

This is just to illustrate, because no one is 100% only just one thing and other 100% the complement, but this makes the tantric vision even more powerful because means that there is a diversity of infinitely many ways by which two people can achieve that single organism in their sex and relationship.

The secret is of course communication and understanding that there is no recipe for that. Relationship and sex only achieve it's full potential when people are interested in really knowing and interacting and give pleasure to another person, so it need dedication, communication and observation.

This is one thing for example that most hedonists doesn't care about and that's why they are always pursuiting pleasure without ever feeling enough of it to get satisfied. Because they usually look much only for their own pleasure and this makes sex incomplete and therefore only a little part of pleasure is consumer while body by instinct knows there's something better deep hidden somewhere that they know how to get but people's minds makes body be only on surface.

It's not a criticism of hedonism too by the way, I'm just explaining what happens usually as a form of illustration of what I'm trying to say about tantric form and view.

If this makes sense to you then there is much probably of the body that both you and he forgets while doing sex and starting to use whole body might get you connected again even if he doesn't go hard ever again but you will still be able to make sex and with much more pleasure than before. But there's a good chance he can become hard again because of sex energy will be flowing in it's full potential.

You can dm me if you want to know more.

ve****

ve****

Posted
5 hours ago, oliver6996 said:

So you here to cheat on your wife?

Is it your place to judge that?? This is SUPPOSED to be a non judgmental safe area.

ve****

ve****

Posted
I’m hyper sexual……. And when I’ve been with men with a “normalish “ libido, all it took was dressing up naughty, or a good bj and they were ready….. if that didn’t work (very rare) I took matters into my own hands…. Literally. It was fine. What did make me break up with someone was horrible sex. If I can get great sex 2-3 times a week vs shitty sex everyday, I’ll take the great, mind blowing sex.
Pe****

Pe****

Posted
Depends. It is unlikely they will be satisfied sexually but as long as they are able to get a proper release on a somewhat regular basis, there's no reason they can't be exceptionally happy. If their partner is comfortable with them masturbating things get much easier. Depending on gender this can also be a matter of willingness to step outside "standard procedure." EggsAndSteak, for example, is saying that their partner is experiencing difficulty getting hard. A strapon is the most obvious work around. Especially within a D/s relationship their is so much more than just libido to consider when it comes to sex.
Is the relationship based on love, pleasure, or something else? What compromises can be made? What value does your partner's happiness hold for you?

Deleted Member

Posted
At first I was going to say no but I think it depends on the individual circumstances. I was in a relationship where that person wasn't interested in having sex as often as I did and it was really difficult for me and didn't work out. However, I do know of a couple where there is a medical issue and one partner lost interest in sex. They love the other so much that they were willing to let them have sex with other people, as long as they got to pick the person. Everyone was happy.
ol****

ol****

Posted
1 hour ago, verynew_subgal said:

Is it your place to judge that?? This is SUPPOSED to be a non judgmental safe area.

Who said I was being judgmental? I was just asking, as it sounded like that was the case?

Is it your place to assume my own opinion of my intentions to ask such a question? Or is you also asking stuff a consequence of anything you say online will or will not be criticised equally?

ve****

ve****

Posted
4 hours ago, oliver6996 said:

Who said I was being judgmental? I was just asking, as it sounded like that was the case?

Is it your place to assume my own opinion of my intentions to ask such a question? Or is you also asking stuff a consequence of anything you say online will or will not be criticised equally?

It’s very obvious that’s what he was saying. “To fill her spot”. I mean can’t get much clearer. Judgmental wasn’t the right word. What I meant and didn’t say correctly is that it’s very obvious unless they have an open relationship. So I can see how curiosity could have been the reason u asked. And I do apologize. The second half of what u typed doesn’t make sense to me, however it doesn’t matter. Again sorry. My first gut reaction was to stick up for the person instead of thinking through y u may have been asking.

ol****

ol****

Posted
1 hour ago, verynew_subgal said:

It’s very obvious that’s what he was saying. “To fill her spot”. I mean can’t get much clearer. Judgmental wasn’t the right word. What I meant and didn’t say correctly is that it’s very obvious unless they have an open relationship. So I can see how curiosity could have been the reason u asked. And I do apologize. The second half of what u typed doesn’t make sense to me, however it doesn’t matter. Again sorry. My first gut reaction was to stick up for the person instead of thinking through y u may have been asking.

Quite alright, I see how it could have come off that way too, i apologise that it did at first to you, and my bad the other part doesn’t make sense.

ve****

ve****

Posted
1 hour ago, oliver6996 said:

Quite alright, I see how it could have come off that way too, i apologise that it did at first to you, and my bad the other part doesn’t make sense.

It’s ok. 😀😀. I’m not someone who likes arguing and ik when to apologize. 😉

AL****

AL****

Posted
Hmmmm in my personal experience I would lean towards the no/negative answer on this one which had lead me to some rather um I’ll say questionable situations
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