Men like you

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Bounty said:

It can be tricky, yeah.

Idk, something like "open to the idea of meeting if we get on" rather than "let's meet"

I think as well.

Guy sends Lady an interesting message and she responds.  I think it's probably fairly obvious that he'd hope to meet if appropriate so doesn't need to be broached in 3 messages

Totally off topic - but I want to meet, like, half the forum (but, not necessarily what would be play/relationship/etc) 

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I agree.  I feel it becomes somewhat of an easy answer "just block and move on" but it doesn't really do anything.

So, there's been men on the forum who've moaned they've "been blocked without an explanation" - and it might be they've done something blatantly wrong, or the conversation was deteriorating and the lady they were talking with felt that blocking would be a better solution than saying "sorry, this isn't working - I don't want to talk to you any more" only to be faced of "but why", "can you let me know what I did wrong", "plzzzzz goddess xxxxxx", etc.

(or, of course, trying again 2-3 months later)

Threads like this ~are~ things that go towards the explanation.

And I feel.

If Ladies just quietly blocked people for whatever reason and moved on - this prevents the sharing and communication of experiences.  Be it, other people saying "hey, that happened to me too" and feeling they're not alone - and also there's an explanation to men about what sort of behaviour isn't cool and what may lead to a block *they feel* might have been unfair.

"hur hur - this is a fetish site, are we not supposed to talk about our fetishes? maybe everyone else is wrong except for me?" (which is a conversation I've just had on another site regarding the poor quality of male subs.  Should men up their game or women lower their standards? I think the former.) 

-

And I also feel, that just blocking and 'moving on' the person in question being blocked then moves onto the next person, then the next - so yeah, it's important for people to know what sort of shit is being dealt with

You put it so well- I don’t like blocking. I did tell someone to F off yesterday who apparently found me via this post (but didn’t seem to take any of it in 🙄). But life is too short sometimes to have keep saying no but in a way the man will accept. I have often called men out for entitled behaviour. I’ve called them out for overly sexualised conversation too at the beginning. Some men have realised a little, so perhaps they will be different to the next woman. But it’s taken me a good while to be confident enough to say “fuck off” “no” and “I owe you nothing”. To ignore what I have been socialised to do - be polite, be kind.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Donnykinkster said:

This community as in vanilla is full of entitled "men" I won't use the title "Dom" as these sorts don't deserve that respect. The main problem as I see it is it's ten times worse, as for some strange reason these men think that submissive means dirt/stupid/desperate and property. They in a general sense think it's a right to be able to say what they like to whom they like with no thought whatsoever for the emotional *** this can cause, they frankly don't care. It's a problem I have written about a couple of times with very similar threads to this fine one. 

 

It seems these fools are not going to change so it's the way they are dealt with that needs looking at. I have had it said a couple of times from submissives that it feels wrong to block/ignore when messaged even if the message is downright rude or spiteful. With respect ladies that is tosh, it's obvious what sort of man you are dealing with so don't hesitate. Screenshot the offending messages, report and block. They don't deserve any respect, they don't deserve the rights you would afford a decent man so really in your minds they should be viewed differnlently as they are no "D"

 

A Dom knows what respect is, a Dom knows how to approach others in the correct manner but most of all a Dom knows what no means and will accept that with good grace and wish you well on your journey. These fools are not Dominant although in that empty head of theirs sadly they think that they are and that is half the problem. 

I think that it’s not until we are in this situation that women realise how socialised they are to be nice and kind. To reply to every message. To let a man you don’t like or find attractive down gently. To say no. I was 49 before I realised! I replied to every single message I got on Fetlife. Before my mentor pointed out that I didn’t need to. I was 👀😯. And I am not a stupid woman.
In other news, I received a delightful message from a chap who wanted me to cut off his dick. I screenshot, reported and blocked. Twice. Nothing has happened. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[na****]

Alot of people just can't handle rejection and throw hissy fits when they don't get thier own way. Literally don't owe anyone anything, but they expect too much sometimes.. Like I know it's courteous to reply to everyone's messages but at the end of the day it's still your choice whether too or not.. Some messages don't even Deserve a reply..

[Th****]

This whole thread just reminded me of something.

By the way, awesome thread.

Way back I was told that there were two types of people Domineering and Dominants.

It is only the latter that can be a good thing.

Those messages seem to be from the former.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Beau said:

I stand and applaud you 👏👏👏 ❤️❤️ Great post and unfortunately won’t stop it from happening 98% of my messages I get are exactly that  there are very far and few that I get a respectful message I called it out last time as it truly upset me the horrid horrid words he called me it was reported and thankfully he has left the site  

I think in future  that these messages  will not get any response as fed up of trying to point out to them a polite message will get them further with engagement and a reply but again goes on deaf ears and continue to get *** what are we to do ? 

Thank you for writing this and sorry your experiencing these messages ❤️❤️❤️

😟 I am genuinely sorry to hear of your experiences. There’s so much good on this site but I wish the dominant wankers would vacate it! Not giving them the capital D, they don’t deserve it. 🙏🏻 Thank you very much.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Bounty said:

It can be tricky, yeah.

Idk, something like "open to the idea of meeting if we get on" rather than "let's meet"

Its the guys that ask (Or tell) let's meet within a few lines of their opening message.

There's nothing wrong with being direct, and if all you want is a NSA hook up, arranged within hours of contacting someone, cool. I'm not one of those people. I say so on my profile.

 

It's the men who think that they have a right to say what they like, demand we do x,y,z for them and expect us to be waiting to arrange to meet someone because we're submissives and/Or women.

Back to entitled isn’t it with men like this. But the ones who maybe don’t know what they’re doing wrong? Tricky. I came into this lifestyle thinking it was all about sex and I think a lot of others do - so the size of your dick and how you swing it means everything in theory. Takes a while to twig that being able to communicate is everything. And that takes a LOT longer than unzipping your trousers. I used to think my body was a lot more important than it is also - I’ve learnt over time that actually I’m a dab hand at sexting 🤣

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Bounty said:

I've had to report a "dom" for a truly vile message to me. I assume reports get looked into (would be nice if we got told of any action but maybe it's not practical) but how do you unsee it?

I haven’t seen any action on the reports I’ve made. 🤨 I still can’t unsee one I got last week. I wonder if it’s the same person Bounty?

[ey****]

24 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

You put it so well- I don’t like blocking. I did tell someone to F off yesterday who apparently found me via this post (but didn’t seem to take any of it in 🙄). But life is too short sometimes to have keep saying no but in a way the man will accept. I have often called men out for entitled behaviour. I’ve called them out for overly sexualised conversation too at the beginning. Some men have realised a little, so perhaps they will be different to the next woman. But it’s taken me a good while to be confident enough to say “fuck off” “no” and “I owe you nothing”. To ignore what I have been socialised to do - be polite, be kind.

I think also.

Some of my personal timeline here is a little skewed - but - one thing I've done in the past is look a little at what works and what doesn't - so - looking at the type of behaviours women have complained about (and the type they've championed) look at what men have moaned about and assessed what seems fair and unfair and I used a lot of that to shape my expectancy and interactions.

 

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

In other news, I received a delightful message from a chap who wanted me to cut off his dick. I screenshot, reported and blocked. Twice. Nothing has happened. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The joys 😂😂

I found out recently there is a points system for offences within the site much like on a driving licence. So many and you're barred for life. Maybe these individuals are accruing points but then the problem would be lack of feedback. It would be good to know if the issue is/has been dealt with, your voice heard so to speak and from what I see there is very little feedback on actual measures being taken.

Edited September 3, 2020 by Deleted Member
Spelling

[Wo****]

31 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I haven’t seen any action on the reports I’ve made. 🤨 I still can’t unsee one I got last week. I wonder if it’s the same person Bounty?

I'm trying to remember his name. I'll ping you a message if I do. I remember he was over in the States...

 

I wonder if there could be a way of reporting this kind of thing to one particular mod? That way, consistent offenders would be picked up. Could even provide feedback.

 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Donnykinkster said:

The joys 😂😂

I found out recently there is a points system for offences within the site much like on a driving licence. So many and you're barred for life. Maybe these individuals are accruing points but then the problem would be lack of feedback. It would be good to know if the issue is/has been dealt with, your voice heard so to speak and from what I see there is very little feedback on actual measures being taken.

That message still sticks in my memory. It was one of several that made me cry. I am on this site contributing to it, I often recommend it to kinky friends and yet I have to read that vile message and nothing is done. 🤨

If there’s a points system I think I will report more people!!

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

That message still sticks in my memory. It was one of several that made me cry. 

 

Several 😞😞. Something really needs doing about this.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, SirGreen said:

Perhaps some sort of system where if a profile receives x amounts of blocks, it gets looked into to find out why they were getting so many. The profile has the ability to log how many messages are sent and received so surly loging how many blocks should be just as simple, ie percentages of profiles contacted to number of blocks.

Ive had to say Thanks, but no thanks to many people and they often leave it at that or ask for a reason which i openly give. These people dont get blocked and they dont block me.

Hmm. It could be ***d don’t you think? But maybe the algorithm is smart enough to see if someone is abusing the blocking?
I think the difference sadly between men and women is that you say no thanks to a woman, she moves on. I say no to a man - he spends ten messages arguing with me about it until I lose my will to live/patience/temper. Of course I don’t think all men are like this. I like men in case there’s any doubt. But it is a problem with some men.

[Deleted Member]

29 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

Several 😞😞. Something really needs doing about this.

Some transparency from Mods would be a starting point. What’s happening now? What are they doing to combat this?

[an****]

Hi Kate, I understand your issues. There are a lot of mean people on this site. I’m very new to it and still finding my way. But I do agree with disciplining those that are not here for mutual enjoyment, in whatever form, and who are just plain butt holes. 😘😘😘

[an****]

I totally agree and can relate to everything Blacksheep said so far. Seems to have it in perspective.

[Catalyst87]

Kate for president! 

I am actually grateful for those messages, it let's me know immediately that that is not a guy I want to be dealing with

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, summit279 said:

I totally agree and can relate to everything Blacksheep said so far. Seems to have it in perspective.

Thank you very much. I think the men concerned like butt holes but perhaps don’t identify as them 😆

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, TheAlphaSub said:

Kate for president! 

I am actually grateful for those messages, it let's me know immediately that that is not a guy I want to be dealing with

🤗 erm thank you! You’re absolutely right. And when I think of men like this disrespecting my boundaries on here - what would they be like in other scenarios? 🙈

[Deleted Member]

18 hours ago, Curvykate said:

🤗 what would they be like in other scenarios? 🙈

And that is a key point.

[Deleted Member]

OMG, A awesome and brilliant post, but oh so sad and disturbing. I’ve now read this a few time’s and struggled (as I am now) to find the words to respond.  My heart bleeds to know so many ladies out there face this every day. Bless you CurvyKate and all of you that face such repugnant messages. You are all beautiful ladies, with gorgeous minds and you all deserve so much more. Bless you ❤️

[Mo****]

@Steve78 it's mostly ladies but a lot of Trans girls and guys cop it as well, and so do some submissive males.

 

They all deserve to be treated with manners and respect.  Neither of these things costs anything but gives the recipients the feeling that they may be treated respectfully and without ***.  One can only hope!  

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Steve78 said:

OMG, A awesome and brilliant post, but oh so sad and disturbing. I’ve now read this a few time’s and struggled (as I am now) to find the words to respond.  My heart bleeds to know so many ladies out there face this every day. Bless you CurvyKate and all of you that face such repugnant messages. You are all beautiful ladies, with gorgeous minds and you all deserve so much more. Bless you ❤️

Thank you Steve. I partly wrote it to persuade myself and others that we do deserve more and we don’t owe anyone anything.

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, Curvykate said:

Thank you Steve. I partly wrote it to persuade myself and others that we do deserve more and we don’t owe anyone anything.

You so do deserve better and you certainly don’t owe anything to anyone. Your a truly articulate, creative and gorgeous lady and should never be subjected to such demeaning comments. Not many member on this site can provoke such conversation. I’ve not seen many messages that get over 1000 views and so many reply’s. So note my sweet that the decent people on here love your comments and stand totally with you on this xx