Starting a relationship

[At****]

Hey everyone! I’m pretty new to the DDLG scene and still figuring out what kind of dynamic feels right for me. For those of you who’ve found a Daddy, Mommy, or Little that really clicked — how did you bring up things like boundaries and aftercare without totally killing the vibe or making it awkward?

I’ve been talking to someone lately and kinda want to bring it up, but I’m not sure how to say it naturally. I’d totally understand if they’re not into it, but how do you even start that kind of convo about the dynamic in a comfortable way?

[ch****]

Just be honest! It’s a gamble but could make your fantasy come true!

[fu****]

Just be blunt be like I wanted to share/talk …

[Ma****]

It is super important to have this conversation consent must be given from the bottom so the top knows what lines not to cross. Not only a conversation needs to be had but I recommend a contract at least at the start and if either party are new to kink review it often so revisions can be made.
As for starting the conversation well if you have talked about a dynamic then this part should be easy to broach, if you are the bottom and the top shuts you down for bringing this up *beware* they are not interested in your needs or feeling safe

[Ro****]

If it becomes awkward you're with the wrong person. That type of conversation should be/feel completely normal and natural and shouldnt feel like an elephant in the room! Simply say something along the lines "hey im happy with how things are going but we haven't spoken about boundaries and stuff, can we talk about them?". Simple as that :)

[Cu****]

You just have to bring it up, maybe don’t do it at a point when you could kill the vibe, but open communication is everything in ddlg. I always bring it up pretty early to manage expectations and comfort levels.

[Jj****]

Ive recently found someone. And i ask straight off the bat. What do you need from this. Is it the order, the attention, the disassociation. And from there we work on a list of rules together. Aftercare in my opinion is always a must. And if its not being provided there is no shame in asking for it. And telling them what you like. As you already know them i feel it will be less awkward. As they should understand you more and more accepting of your needs. And will want to help you

[tw****]

14 minutes ago, Rah135 said:

It is super important to have this conversation consent must be given from the bottom so the top knows what lines not to cross. Not only a conversation needs to be had but I recommend a contract at least at the start and if either party are new to kink review it often so revisions can be made.
As for starting the conversation well if you have talked about a dynamic then this part should be easy to broach, if you are the bottom and the top shuts you down for bringing this up *beware* they are not interested in your needs or feeling safe

Well said

[tw****]

13 minutes ago, Jj2020-6591 said:

Ive recently found someone. And i ask straight off the bat. What do you need from this. Is it the order, the attention, the disassociation. And from there we work on a list of rules together. Aftercare in my opinion is always a must. And if its not being provided there is no shame in asking for it. And telling them what you like. As you already know them i feel it will be less awkward. As they should understand you more and more accepting of your needs. And will want to help you

Great response

[Da****]

Early in the process framing everything as a question is the easiest way. Genuine curiosity is never a buzzkill. But also a few key statements.

[Deleted Member]

I would also add, just bring it up. Relationships require communication. And being direct and honest about your needs and wants and desires should be talked about. That way you will know if the connection you are building is something you want to proceed with.

[wu****]

Talking limits boundaries kinks and aftercare are all the same kinda vibe and one most kinksters like to hear. In detail even. You have no idea how many doms love hearing your hard and soft limits and exactly what causes them so they can safely push your limits and make it pleasurable and exciting for you. If a dom doesn't want to listen to limits or aftercare needs run.

[he****]

Just bring it up so it’s out of the way. Really there is not a good time ever to bring up boundaries. If you just get it over with at the beginning of the conversation then it’s over and taken care of

[AJ****]

It should be straight forward. I prefer my little to tell me how she feels and what she wants. This is supposed to be an enjoyable and kinky experience for both of us. I want my pup/little to be content. So just bring it up honestly and earnestly. If he reacts adversely - its a red flag.

[zu****]

I was going to say basically the same. Talking about limits should be very interesting to your Dom. I’m a little surprised he hasn’t brought that up or aftercare if you’ve been talking for any length of time. It shouldn’t fall to you but you could always ask him how he feels about aftercare. Have you discussed kinks at all or had him describe a possible scenario for a session? That’s a typical place for some discussion around limits and aftercare.

[Da****]

No clue let us know what you come up with

[kimutu72]

Anyone I speak to I always ask loads of question to find out if we fit, there should always be aftercare wether it be a massage a cup of tea or just laying chatting, Ive never just got up & gone. Chat about how things felt what you want more or less, before I meet up with anyone I will always talk about hard & soft limits, safe words, curiousity if we still match Ill meet up in a public place a cafe, coffee shop and talk more, also gives you both a chance to check each other out, a leg rub under the table a glance a cheeky whisper in the ear then if we still hit it off then the fun starts, hope that helps feel free to message me

[Do****]

I always have a in-depth discussion with my potential subs before entering any dynamic with them. That way all limits and expectations are known and agreed beforehand

[Na****]

Some of it can be trial and error but on a small scale, even better if you wrote a scenario of the things you like, that way it’s not a hard and fast list if you can’t say it face to face

[so****]

Early on in the relationship, I requested that we do a weekly inventory of how things are going. A time where we can discuss those exact things.

Our inventory was a time for airing all hopes, concerns, boundaries, wins, fails, etc. Stating things up front is good but as the dynamic changes so do those expectations.

[DirtyDaddyx]

Hi. 2 of the most important aspects to discuss - limits and aftercare.

In reality I would expect the daddy/mommy or dominant one to ask since they will be the lead and the one taking general responsibility for the “care” of the little or submissive one.
But in any event it’s more than acceptable to prompt them to ask or just open up the subjects.

Tbh - it is disappointing that you’ve not been asked already - personally I like to know these things from an early stage.

Good luck and take care.

🤗 Luke x

[AmandaMonsterLady]

I start off everything with “I seen a thing and I am curious” then just spill my guts. But, I have been told I have the bravery a drunk Irishman wishes he had.

[Ta****]

My dom and I played 21 questions to get to know each other and what each other was looking for dynamic wise. It was really fun and helped alot with helping us open up to each other and finding out if we are compatible.

[cl****]

Lots of good advice about setting boundaries and asking for what you want, but you mentioned that you are still figuring that out. I would recommend also disclosing that and approaching things very slowly and experimenting. Taking time to reflect and see how you feel after trying something and making sure you have all the support you need in order to keep yourself safe. As someone exploring little space, I think this can be especially challenging because part of the reason you are likely drawn to little ness is because you need support in determining what you like and what you want. All the more reason to be cultivating you own inner parent energy to help you make sure you are not being exploited. 💖

[er****]

As a man ask him if he is interested in getting to know some of your private side thoughts feelings and curiosity and some of his thoughts about what you say and if he has anything he would like to share after please do . I mean put it so he should have a idea of what you want to talk about don’t be too vague but you don’t have to come off as freak (even if you are lol) or aggressive and give him the option of saying not interested or not at this time and such (as a man if you get a negative response in any way he isn’t the one for you so don’t be scared or nervous ) women can get away with bringing up subjects and saying things even out of the blue that they theme selves would not like so don’t think like a woman about approaching the subject be objective and look at it from tje outside what are you comfortable with telling say your cat or dog and then think about your stereo typical male and how he might receive things . Guys aren’t usually easily offended or shocked and if he has been talking to you in any way that shows interest he has to thought about all kinds of sexual things already worh you so don’t be mean or vague and just be you . Hope that helps