Accepting yourself

[Co****]

I was wondering if ppl have any advice for accepting yourself, in my case very heavily leaning submissive, when it goes against what you are "expected" to be. I'm seen a bit more say rough and tumble in many eyes throughout my life, so I'm still getting used to the difference even though I know I am who I am and there's no shame in it.

[BruiseWayne]

It usually follows that however you normally are more often than not you're probably going to be the opposite when it comes to kink. So you taking on a role that goes against what'd you'd expect is actually exactly what you would expect as far as kink goes lol. 

 

So maybe it'll help you to know that this is a very common occurrence in the lifestyle.

 

 

Like take me for instance. Normally I'm a very nice, polite, empathetic, patient, and good natured, easy going, chill kind of person. In kink though I'm a full blown sadist who's relentlessly condescending, nasty, cruel, unforgiving, and mean, lol.

Edited October 23, 2025 by BruiseWayne
words

[DawnETX]

I was always seen as one of the guys growing up and even still now. I've had to be dominant and assertive in every situation or I'd get run over/left behind. Hell I work on vehicles and im a manager at an automotive parts store 😂
And don't get me started on what's expected from family- I'm from the country. Stuff like this is sooo taboo 🤦

But I can't handle being dominant all the time- I need for someone to take that responsibility off my shoulders for a little bit. It is what it is 🤷 and as far as my family goes- they can like it or not. My life. Just do what makes you happy 😁 fuck everyone else 😂

[Co****]

13 minutes ago, BruiseWayne said:

It usually follows that however you normally are more often than not you're probably going to be the opposite when it comes to kink. So you taking on a role that goes against what'd you'd expect is actually exactly what you would expect as far as kink goes lol. 

 

So maybe it'll help you to know that this is a very common occurrence in the lifestyle.

 

 

Like take me for instance. Normally I'm a very nice, polite, empathetic, patient, and good natured, easy going, chill kind of person. In kink though I'm a full blown sadist who's relentlessly condescending, nasty, cruel, unforgiving, and mean, lol.

It actually does help 😌 somewhat hard to wrap ones head around I would think

[BruiseWayne]

1 minute ago, CouldBeRedder said:

It actually does help 😌 somewhat hard to wrap ones head around I would think

Maybe at first, but once you see how common it is, you come to realize that's just how it is for kinky people lol.

[Co****]

6 minutes ago, BruiseWayne said:

Maybe at first, but once you see how common it is, you come to realize that's just how it is for kinky people lol.

Sounds like something to look forward to lmao

[Co****]

35 minutes ago, DawnETX said:

I was always seen as one of the guys growing up and even still now. I've had to be dominant and assertive in every situation or I'd get run over/left behind. Hell I work on vehicles and im a manager at an automotive parts store 😂
And don't get me started on what's expected from family- I'm from the country. Stuff like this is sooo taboo 🤦

But I can't handle being dominant all the time- I need for someone to take that responsibility off my shoulders for a little bit. It is what it is 🤷 and as far as my family goes- they can like it or not. My life. Just do what makes you happy 😁 fuck everyone else 😂

I don't know how anyone could be dominant all the time😵‍💫 and I'm gonna try to do some more of that, spent a lot of life unintentionally being other people's ideas of xyz, I'd like to have a outlook more like yours, I mean I don't particularly care but some things get ingrained after a long enough time as everyone knows

[Submissive_summer]

Accepting yourself often starts with giving yourself permission to be complex..... The right people will see and appreciate that balance without judgment.......

You don’t need to perform or prove anything to fit anyone’s idea of who you “should” be....

The rough and tumble side of you and the submissive side can both exist.. they are not contradictions,...they’re just different shades of you....

[mo****]

for me, it took a LOT of work accepting. born female, i was societally inclined to be submissive, but growing up with brothers, i learned to be a lil more dominant. as i started to transition, i felt the need to be as masculine as possible to prove my "male-ness" to my family. but being dominant does not make me happy. i am wildly submissive, love to serve and please, and love to hand over control. im done subscribing to the idea that to be masculine, you need to be dominant. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, BruiseWayne said:

It usually follows that however you normally are more often than not you're probably going to be the opposite when it comes to kink. So you taking on a role that goes against what'd you'd expect is actually exactly what you would expect as far as kink goes lol. 

 

So maybe it'll help you to know that this is a very common occurrence in the lifestyle.

 

 

Like take me for instance. Normally I'm a very nice, polite, empathetic, patient, and good natured, easy going, chill kind of person. In kink though I'm a full blown sadist who's relentlessly condescending, nasty, cruel, unforgiving, and mean, lol.

I disagree with this assessment for myself and wouldn't claim it's just how it goes for kinky people....

[BruiseWayne]

Sure, there's always going to be outliers. And I never said this was the way it goes for EVERYONE in kink. 

 

Just that IME it tends to be very common, and I've been doing this for quite some time, during which I  have seen it play out this way with a ton of people, many who I know personally, and with plenty of others outside my sphere of influence.

 

So I'm very confident in saying this is pretty normal for a majority of the people who engage in kink.

Edited October 23, 2025 by BruiseWayne

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, BruiseWayne said:

Sure, there's always going to be outliers. And I never said this was the way it goes for EVERYONE in kink. 

 

Just that IME it tends to be very common, and I've been doing this for quite some time, during which I  have seen it play out this way with a ton of people, many who I know personally, and with plenty of others outside my sphere of influence.

 

So I'm very confident in saying this is pretty normal for a majority of the people who engage in kink.

Well, you can certainly have your confidence. For reference, I've been a kinkster for over four decades; and mingling in the lifestyle for over three decades. 😉

[Ta****]

Tbh it’s a long journey I used to hate subbing because I’m FTM. So I always felt like I wasn’t “man enough” bc I’m submissive. Just remember there are tons of ppl just like you and if you don’t view them as bad or invalid you need to hold those same standards to yourself.

[mi****]

Hey, I accepted my as a ABDL sissy baby Boy and I'm ok with it. Doesn't bother me.

[Te****]

It start with not giving af about what other think and doing a deep dive on what u want. When u find that out u then find what aligns with u and get a dom u trust