Sure, there's always going to be outliers. And I never said this was the way it goes for EVERYONE in kink.
Just that IME it tends to be very common, and I've been doing this for quite some time, during which I have seen it play out this way with a ton of people, many who I know personally, and Read more… with plenty of others outside my sphere of influence.
So I'm very confident in saying this is pretty normal for a majority of the people who engage in kink.

Maybe at first, but once you see how common it is, you come to realize that's just how it is for kinky people lol.

It usually follows that however you normally are more often than not you're probably going to be the opposite when it comes to kink. So you taking on a role that goes against what'd you'd expect is actually exactly what you would expect as far as kink goes lol.
So maybe it'll help you to know that Read more… this is a very common occurrence in the lifestyle.
Like take me for instance. Normally I'm a very nice, polite, empathetic, patient, and good natured, easy going, chill kind of person. In kink though I'm a full blown sadist who's relentlessly condescending, nasty, cruel, unforgiving, and mean, lol.

Yeah see that's the thing though. It can be hard to tell sometimes. Kink is about personal expression every bit as anything else.
And while I do encourage people to call out 'fake' Doms and subs I think sometimes ( and I'm not saying that's going here ) people get a little too trigger happy and Read more… tend to label those who fall outside of their own personal definitions to be 'fake'- which is absolutely not good.
I'm giving the OP The benefit of the doubt in thinking that's not what they meant though because that would be sh*tty kind of gatekeeping.
And if they were perhaps we can chalk it up to a bit of inexperience on their part if we're being charitable here.

Exactly. And plus despite what some submissives might want to think, we aren't completely infallible omni capable all-seeing Godlike beings who always know the best course of action and have absolutely 0 blindspots when it comes to ourselves or the people who are in our service.
Frankly I love a Read more… submissive that can ( politely and respectfully of course ) fill in the blanks when and if I should happen to falter, and don't simply just blindly follow each and every single little thing. Especially when there's corrections to be made, or instances where the experience can be elevated by doing things a different way than I demanded.
Nothing pleases me more than a proactive, mindful submissive who isn't afraid to speak up when and if it's called for.

You'd have to be either very closed minded or very inexperienced to not understand that there are many many levels to which a person is comfortable with how much control they're going to relinquish to someone else.
I think most people here are being poetic and romantic when they talk about Read more… surrendering themselves in this instance though. Not all of them mean it in the literal sense nor do they probably all enjoy the idea of total slavery themselves either and aren't keen on the idea of legit M/s dynamic themselves.
I was just discussing this with someone recently and for better or worse people often ascribe their own meaning to the terms we use and to be perfectly honest that's okay, and I actually think it's a good thing because it leaves more room for self expression and creativity along the way even if the definitions and expectations that come along with certain words might get muddled a little bit.

Mhm. Though any public transportation I would use to get to somewhere like NY ( 100 miles away ) only costs me about 30 round trip. So that's NBD even really.

Alot of times that is enough to please a Dominant. Some people don't want to or simply don't have the capacity to go deeper into dynamics than that and that's perfectly okay. Not everybody feels this shit deep within their bones and as a result don't need someone else surrendering to them in kind Read more… so they can feel fulfilled and properly served and pleased as a Dominant individual.
Frankly it's rare that a submissive actually even becomes that vessel of pure subservience to begin with. From what I've seen most don't want to fall into that deeper level of submission because quite frankly it can be frightening and it takes an insane amount of courage to even do so in the first place. Most subs just want someone to alleviate their stress, quiet their mind, get some kinky taboo thrills, play some bedroom games, and call it a day.
To answer your question though, honestly for me it's more of a feeling. I know it when I see it. It's just the way they carry themselves. What their views on submission even are to begin with. How they approach interactions with a Dominant, etc etc etc. What they reveal about themselves over the course of the vetting process. Really it's just one of those things that comes down to pure vibes. At least for me anyway. But I always know the ones who are not only capable of but eager to surrender the entirety of their soul to someone else when I'm presented with them.
In my experience they're quite rare these days unfortunately though.

This is absolutely f*ckin ridiculous. Women don't hold it against you when you show your emotions to them. Being emoitnally vulne.rable ( lord only knows why that word was censored ) in front of anyone takes a lot of guts and courage to do. It should be admired and rewarded, which frankly it Read more… usually is. If any of them hold it against you or think of you differently as a result it's not an inherent trait that's caused by them being a woman. It's because they're a shitty person and that has f*ck all to do with gender. 🙄 And BTW it's thinking like this that causes some women to react like that in the first place. So you're only making shit worse for yourself and every other guy out there by clinging to this tired worn out notion that was never true in the first place.
Don't encourage men to bottle up their emotions. That's terrible advice. It only makes you feel repressed, angry, and bitter, and one way or the other it's going to come out. And it'll come out in some awful and toxic way if you go about living your life like this.
Also calling women 'females' gives people the ick bro, you might wanna stop doing that lolol.

I don't think it isn't the norm. It is, actually. Most people are doing things this way you just don't really hear too much about the dynamics that are running smoothly or the people who are taking the proper steps and treating others/their partners the right way because people only ever make Read more… threads to vent their frustrations over the problems they're experiencing and the ones who are out there causing them.
If you make a post about how great your dynamic is and how wonderful you Dom/me or sub is to you and how much you love and respect one another, how you took the time to build trust get to know one another and make sure you play in a safe and sane manner well you're just fuckin bragging at that point now aren't you? And where's the discussion to be had about that really aside from a bunch of people congratulating you on a job well done? lol