Polyamory

For kinksters into polyamory

What is the difference between polyamory and an open relationship?

For kinksters into polyamory

Polyamory, which translated means 'many loves', is a kind of open relationship in which people have more than one partner at a time. For many, these relationships are serious and ongoing, with a whole lot of love in them - after all, love is not a finite resource. It's not that people who consider themselves polyamorous don't feel jealousy or conflict, but that they choose to deal with those emotions in different ways - by dealing with them rather than by stamping out the cause of them. While many kinky people and fetishists are also polyamorous, polyamory isn't a fetish; it's a lifestyle choice and a relationship orientation.

What is polyamory?

From the Greek meaning ‘many loves’ people who are polyamorous have several serious sexual and/or sexual relationships at the same time.

Is polyamory a fetish?

No, it’s a lifestyle. People can be vanilla and polyamorous. There are many poly fetishists however, but these things don’t always have to go hand in hand.

What is the difference between polyamory and an open relationship?

In an open relationship two people are committed to each other but either person can have sex with other people outside of that relationship. That could be a one-off experience, a regular fuck buddy or a having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Polyamorous people can have several romantic and sexual relationships all at the same time. Each relationship will be as important as the next, although one may be a primary relationship for that person. Those relationships may intertwine or be completely separate.

Is polyamory legal?

It is legal to have polyamorous relationships in the UK. You can’t have more than one marriage in the UK still, as bigamy laws exist however those formed in other countries are recognised over here for more official reasons but not to collect certain benefits.

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For kinksters into free love

Originally, the 60s concept of 'free love' centred around the idea that monogamy was unnatural (especially for men) and that everyone should be free to act out their fantasies. This was a great idea, but it came with some drawbacks: for one thing it wasn't a feminist movement in the way we'd expect now, and for another it was mostly put to bed by the AIDS crisis. That's not to say that free love is dead - far from it! Swingers, polyamorists and non-monogamous folk of all types are still upholding the best of the principles of the original 1960s trailblazers - it's just that now we're doing it with more feminist ideals, awareness to sex-positivity and a much better understanding of safer sex.

Swing into swinging!

Swinging is another form of non-monogamy, though one that looks at the question from a very different perspective to polyamory. Swingers tend to be in serious, stable, primary relationships and have occasional sex with other people who are also in those relationships; the primary couple is considered the most important thing of all, and the theory behind the extra-marital sexual relationships is that they're 'a bit of fun' without too much romance or a lot of intense emotions. Of course, in practice swingers often form wonderfully intense bonds with their other partners; human connection is what it's all about, after all!

Get the best out of a threesome

Probably the single topic most often raised in the magazine's agony column is threesomes. Whether they're your hottest fantasy, your weekly reality or something that you reckon would turn you right off, they're big news - and they certainly have plenty of fans! The trick to finding a threesome is not to force it - these things happen naturally, and you're unlikely to be able to engineer a situation with a stranger or online that works out to your satisfaction. The trick to enjoying one, on the other hand, is to make sure everyone's feeling included and to try and spend roughly as much time 'giving' as you spend 'getting'. This is a good rule of thumb no matter what kind of sex you're having, but when there's more than one other person involved it can be hugely beneficial to give it some conscious thought!