Developing My Dom Persona

[De****]

I'm a switch. When I imagine a life where I'm sequestered to a single role in the bedroom, I feel a sense of mild despair. I explored my submissive side with my last partner, she wasn't a particularly hard dom, but she enjoyed the dynamic and I enjoyed discovering that part of myself.

That relationship was long, and now I find myself with a strong desire to explore the more dominant parts of my personality in the bedroom. I'm interested in sadism as well as masochism. That said, I'm in my head about how to inhabit this space safely. I'm attracted to the feeling of control and very turned on by the thought of being in charge of my partner's pleasure. But in life, I derive that sense of control from knowledge. So I find myself a bit stuck.. I don't fully understand how to maintain a confident sense of control when I'm still so inexperienced in this space.

If I'm honest, I'm worried about hurting someone, and I won't feel confident until I fully understand the responsibility of the role. Any advice on how to develop your inner dom in a safe and patient space? I feel a bit silly because these roles seem to come to everyone so naturally, but my expression has always needed to find itself step by step. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[Ed****]

Ive had a sub who was inexperienced(as was i at the time). When we began playing, especially impact I would demand from her, at short intervals, a number between 1 and 10 how comfortable she was with the amount of impact. This allowed us to build knowledge and trust in each others limits. Then you can begin to ease into the role a bit more. Dont rush it and plenty of feedback during and after play.

[Ch****]

Fair question, but youre not going to get far with the opinions here. Where are the places you hit or dont hit? Where are the arteries that you dont tie over? At what temps do metal or wax burn skin? The answer to these come from study. If you can take classes from experts, even better. Some, if not most, sadistic activity you don't want to trial/error.

[Qu****]

As ChromeStarz said join your local community and take classes. Take all the classes that give an inkling of a spark. Find and talk with the people who've been doing this. I would stay away from self proclaimed experts though. The ones who truly know what they're doing are going to admit their shortcomings.

[De****]

I f. Bed

[De****]

haha this is all very good advice, thank you. Forgive my butt typing

[mo****]

I just tried my first in person dom session recently. We did a lot of text based negotiation ahead (not hardass convos but thorough). I asked if she likes roleplay and if so what kind, restraints, what toys she and i would both have on hand, preferences for types of sensation, environmental stuff like music and light, what her hopes were (she was willing to be a test subject for a newbie but did want to relax into sub space). We talked about how i would check in regularly for sensation level (we did a 1-10 scale and as we went along i was able to move from frequent checks to organically going with her obvious pleasure). Also discussed whether explicitly sexual play and/or an orgasm was a goal for us both, and talked about her after care needs.

I made sure i started slow, followed her cues, paid attention to her vocal and body feedback, and it went really well. She said after that it was nowhere near the top of her *** scale but that's fine haha, it was a great learning experience and we'll build up next time. And she got to be in sub space and cum so she was overall perfectly pleased haha.