What did I do wrong?

[li****]

6 hours ago, myrtle-beach341983 said:

Sounds like he is a very inexperienced dom. Like every one says trust is key i am.dom my self but you must have clear communication anf trust him pushing like thay shows inexperience and like someone that just wants sex

That was the arrangement to just be fwb. Until he called me a good girl and things on his end changed. So if it was just sex he was after it was his for the taking.

[Tr****]

Hun, if I were you I would reopen the app to the homepage and go up two things from your post and read his strategy and then set back and contemplate your situation that you posted about :-)
It's a really good eye-opening answer to your question I think in my opinion.
It's in the BDS and kinky forum...
It's called his strategy.

[Ba****]

Sound like fake dom syndrome to me. Hes aware of the power dynamic but not aware the sub decides the terms of that agreement. I know when I start a relationship and start talking about bdsm I always try and formulate a contract of sorts so nothing is left on the table and communication of wants, needs, and respects are given on both parties. If someone cant do that I feel like hes just used to watching bdsm porn which isn't what this community is usually like

[Tr****]

I was reading your post and all the comments here and then reopen the page and seeing that and thought that was a perfect fit for your question.

[Tr****]

I also had a very similar situation happened with a person that I knew way back from school and had a couple months texting marathon going on and then met in person and she said wow what happened to you You grew up... And I looked at her and thought to myself wow she's never grown up.
She was thinking that I was still going to be 17 and 1/2 years old and I was thinking to myself wow she still acts like she's 17 and a half years old lol
So I don't think you did anything wrong Don't hold yourself to any standards that you don't agree with or that you cannot live with the terms and live life to the fullest.

[Co****]

You say you “haven’t heard from him since” but you don’t indicate when that was or what effort you have made to talk to him. If all this happed last night or even a few days ago, perhaps you are being a bit over-anxious. If you haven’t tried to contact him, perhaps he isn’t sure of your level of interest.

[Deleted Member]

So as a Dom, to me the first issue is being a switch so right off it becomes a battle of dualing personalities. Im not saying being a switch is bad, typically any sub I had or come across, whether I had submission or not, they've alway approached as If I'm in control. Being you pushed back, it would immediately give red flag because there are still dom tendencies and sometimes we aint got time to break a switch. Yes trust has to be earned however if the foundation is rocky its not worth the work. Id suggest reaching out cause Ultimately to me it sounds like punishment

[bl****]

Look. Men aren't that complicated. They logically look at what the best option is in front of them. You weren't it.

If you were, he would not allow his attention to go elsewhere.

[li****]

30 minutes ago, ColoShark said:

You say you “haven’t heard from him since” but you don’t indicate when that was or what effort you have made to talk to him. If all this happed last night or even a few days ago, perhaps you are being a bit over-anxious. If you haven’t tried to contact him, perhaps he isn’t sure of your level of interest.

It was two nights ago. I have reached out a few times. Set clear intentions etc.

[li****]

27 minutes ago, Freddyscorpio42 said:

So as a Dom, to me the first issue is being a switch so right off it becomes a battle of dualing personalities. Im not saying being a switch is bad, typically any sub I had or come across, whether I had submission or not, they've alway approached as If I'm in control. Being you pushed back, it would immediately give red flag because there are still dom tendencies and sometimes we aint got time to break a switch. Yes trust has to be earned however if the foundation is rocky its not worth the work. Id suggest reaching out cause Ultimately to me it sounds like punishment

I have reached out. And as I said in the original post he assumed I was a domme as well. So it isn't making any logical sense to me that he's just not into putting in the effort to "break" me.

[li****]

1 hour ago, TruckDrivingMan said:

Hun, if I were you I would reopen the app to the homepage and go up two things from your post and read his strategy and then set back and contemplate your situation that you posted about :-)
It's a really good eye-opening answer to your question I think in my opinion.
It's in the BDS and kinky forum...
It's called his strategy.

I'm not seeing it. But I'll look again when I have time. Thank you

[my****]

But like I said before it like all.he wants is to have the feeling of trying to control it seems he doesn't understand how the dom.role really works

[Co****]

If it’s punishment, it is poorly executed. A sub should have no doubt when she is being punished and why. This sounds like more his issue than yours. Maybe he changed his mind about what he wants. Maybe an emergency came up. In any event, there isn’t any value to cutting off communication. Hope he will figure things out and clarify soon.

[Ma****]

The problem is that some Dom's assume that because they habe stated that they are, that means all subs fall in line with it.

Unfortunately, that is not how this works. I wish I could tell someone that I am a dom and they fall in line. To truly be a Dom, you have to gain the trust of the Sub. Yes, you set boundaries and show things that you like, but you have to be considered a likable human first.

Just because you are a Dom does not mean that every sub is now your property (I wish it was that simple). If earning your trust is too much for a potential Dom, they aren't a Dom. They are a manipulator.

[Ma****]

Okay same, but in a vanilla way. Reconnections after 20 years is going around rn. Can I ask when you reconnected with your friend? I'm interested if it happened during the last Mercury retrograde like mine did. There's a thing in astrology about people coming back into ones life during retrogrades of Mercury and Venus. Sorry. To answer your question, no I don't think you did anything wrong. It may just be the universe putting a pause the relationship for some reason.

[li****]

15 minutes ago, Matteux said:

Okay same, but in a vanilla way. Reconnections after 20 years is going around rn. Can I ask when you reconnected with your friend? I'm interested if it happened during the last Mercury retrograde like mine did. There's a thing in astrology about people coming back into ones life during retrogrades of Mercury and Venus. Sorry. To answer your question, no I don't think you did anything wrong. It may just be the universe putting a pause the relationship for some reason.

No it's been more recent than that however we are currently in the shadow period of the next mercury retrograde starting in a few days so idk that may have a hand in it as well.

[To****]

I agree, every real dom knows that submission is earned with trust. He also sounded very eager, which is again very typical of an alpha and a person who just wants to hook up. You didn't do anything wrong, you protected yourself, and he didn't deserve you.

[Da****]

Are you as direct and clear with him as you have been here?

Any number of things could be happening. It sounds to me though like it's more likely something psychological that he needs to work through. That is, assuming, that you have been as direct and straightforward with him.

Doesn't sound like the safest situation for boundaries at this point. $0.02

[Deleted Member]

This person is not a Dominant; he is a pushy opportunist who used the D/s dynamic as an excuse for entitlement.

You successfully filtered him out. He is not capable of the intention, patience, and maturity required for a real dynamic. A true Dom would have celebrated your boundary and spent the next three months proving he deserved that trust.
What happened: He wasn't interested in a D/s relationship, he was interested in a one-sided transaction. Since you were smart enough to demand payment (trust and vetting) first, he walked off the lot. You lost nothing but a dishonest person.

[fe****]

Sounds like he's in experienced or has watched to many crap movies made about the lifestyle. You did nothing wrong. Stand your ground, if he leaves then let him.

[Curioustopeg]

Sounds like he had an image of you as an "equal" when he thought of you as a Dom but but as soon told him your truth he swung to far the other way and rewrote your history as meaning you must already be his, as someone who works and in vanilla public life projects a Dom exterior I've had the same issues when people find my kink nature is submissive.

[Se****]

12 hours ago, ColoShark said:

If it’s punishment, it is poorly executed. A sub should have no doubt when she is being punished and why. This sounds like more his issue than yours. Maybe he changed his mind about what he wants. Maybe an emergency came up. In any event, there isn’t any value to cutting off communication. Hope he will figure things out and clarify soon.

A sub ought to also have AGREED to the punishment and be fully aware of what an infraction of the rules consists of. From the information in the OP this was not an infraction of ANY rules/agreements as none were made it is merely a person having and holding a boundary and another person being p!she’s off that they can’t manipulate said boundary. 

[Ch****]

Ew. You absolutely did nothing wrong. It seems that you like him, but his actions toward pushing a dynamic (good girl, etc) before there is one makes us cringe. He feels to us like he has immature attitudes about BDSM relationships. He might be receptive to teaching/correction, but what you've written doesnt give us hope.

[li****]

14 hours ago, DaddyAye said:

Are you as direct and clear with him as you have been here?

Any number of things could be happening. It sounds to me though like it's more likely something psychological that he needs to work through. That is, assuming, that you have been as direct and straightforward with him.

Doesn't sound like the safest situation for boundaries at this point. $0.02

Yes I'm always direct with my communication with anyone

[li****]

UPDATE‼️
Firstly, thank you to everyone for your input, advice, pov, 2 cents, etc. After much thought and consideration, I firmly believe he has been pouting, as one person suggested, and that he is less experienced in the life than i am. I texted him a book last night asking him directly if he was ghosting or punishing me, more or less explaining how a true d/s dynamic is supposed to be prior to engaging, and the importance of him earning my trust as my life could literally be in his hands. He replied with an excuse of he's been sick 🙄 and asked if we are still on to hang out this weekend. I don't mind teaching a new Dom the ways so we shall see how this goes. If it doesn't work out maybe at least he'll be better prepared for his next sub. Thanks again all!