What’s a good DM look like?

[Deleted Member]

More than anything I see people (especially women) on here share their horror stories of weird, stale, or unhinged first messages. To those who have suffered enough, what does a good first message look like for you?

[br****]

A good greeting Like hello how are you doing something simple then work your way up to all the dirty talk don't be so forward

[Deleted Member]

There isn’t a one message fits all for subs and doms for that matter are very different and what pulls us to kinks.
Look threw their pics and read their bio and what y’all have in common feed off that or ask more probing questions to find more common similarities

[Sp****]

For me, it’s just basic respect. Being on a kink site doesn’t mean you can open with wild, out of pocket shit. Unless ive made a post requesting otherwise, a good first message is normal, polite, and not sexual right away. Most people want to consent before diving into anything kink or fetish related.

[Deleted Member]

The longest conversations I've had involve some sort of open ended question/statement that shows they at least glanced at my profile.

Something like:

"Hi! I'm _____. Tell me about where we'd meet for coffee!"

It's quick, polite, and allows for actual conversation before asking about my boob size.

[Ba****]

First of all: I forgot for a moment where I was and read "DM" as Dungeon Master 😅

Second of all: thank you for being proactive and asking.

I think it's relevant to who reads this and answers but for me, I appreciate someone who has a greeting and states something about my bio that they relate to or are interested in, want more information about, etc. That to me, shows actual interest and possibility a good mental connection between us.

Also proving that they have attention to detail and that they're interested in getting to know me more than a surface level.

[nk****]

So I for sure respond every time to someone who starts off with a respectful greeting. I'm a person too. You have to give respect to get it! Come up with something that will catch my attention. Be intentional instead of a creep right off the bat!

[Abracapocus]

I'd rather not share that. Giving away that information makes it too easy for people who send up red flags with a bad intro message to waste my time.

[Abracapocus]

That said. Having a filled out profile is a good idea. If you're an "open book", tell me what your book says. Don't make me Nancy Drew this stuff

[Deleted Member]

Personally, I like when people point out things they appreciate about me, not physically, but based on what I wrote in my profile. I also value honesty, so it’s a plus if he explains why we might be a good match, and especially what he could bring to the relationship. A bit of confidence in a man is always attractive. I also like sensing their caring yet dominant side, though I couldn’t say exactly how someone should show that.

As long as it’s not a perverted comment (or worse, an image), it’s already a good start. Chemistry can still grow even from something as simple as a ‘Good evening.’

But that’s only my opinion !

[Ons]

Yes, do tell lol

[Pr****]

For me saying something they like about my profile, I think saying anything positive about the other person is a good start of a conversation ñ

[Th****]

My biggest pet ***ve is when you are messaged and it is exactly what your profile states you are not looking for. If you are going to message , take time to read a profile and such. Be yourself and be respectful.

[Ri****]

Don't start with a dick pick warm up to it. I like them but would definitely prefer to start with conversation. Just like in real life, introduce yourself share a bit about yourself ask questions you want to know the answers to

[ca****]

It's all different man but to be honest it's all based on looks and what the chick wants you could probably be messaging the most in sane unhinged shit but if you 10 out of 10 I bet you still get quite a few messages back

[Do****]

I'd start with a greeting and an indication that you have read my profile... definitely don't lead with " hey let's f@$%."

[j_****]

For me, a good first message is based on the persons bio, so if there’s no bio (or a small one with nothing to start with) I find it hard to say anything at all.

For example on hinge I only send likes if I can specifically comment on one of their prompts.

[Th****]

A good first message is polite respectful and contains questions, inquiries or statements that invite further conversation. A good first message can be serious, light-hearted, goofy or otherwise as long as the content is sincere. A good first message contains something that makes the receiver aware that the sender has looked at their profile and utilized some of the content in said message.

Even if the potential Dommes profile doesn't have a lot of content I'm sure you can find some particular kink that she's mentioned that really resonates with you.

It is easy to mention a kink without entering into an inbox Dicks a blazing. For instance saying something like, I see from your profile that impact play is a fundamental part of your Dynamics. That really strikes a chord with me as I too consider it to be essential to my dynamics. For me impact play is so much more than an endorphin rush, it's the ultimate power exchange.

Your intro message doesn't need to be a novel that's been carefully curated to reflect the interests of your potential Domme. But it does need to be respectful, and it does need to leave an opening for a good response.

In contrast here are some examples of content from a bad first message.
1. Just typing something like hey, hello etc. (our inbox is flooded with intro messages, these lazy ass inquiries will be the first to be ignored)

2. Immediately coming in dick first with a comment like, nice tits, or please please f*ck my tight little ass goddess or I've been locked up for months want to see a photo? (F*ck off with this bullshit I'm not your kink dispenser. These types of messages will just be laughed at and left unanswered unless I feel like being a dick that day)

3. Entering an inbox with something like; I know that you said in your profile that you will NEVER consider a sub that is into (insert whatever limits) but I beg you to make an exception for little ole me. (Pushing boundaries is a terrible thing for subs and Dommes to do, plus it shows you're terrible at following orders, I have no time for that bullshit)

I think that about sums it up.

[Th****]

Looks like I needed to double space to break apart paragraphs, too little too late :(

[Ja****]

Somewhere between ‘professional email’ and ‘feral goblin’, ideally 😜
A sentence that proves you paid attention, are confident, intentional, and not immediately asking for pics…

[ki****]

i appreciate when the first message has something to do with my profile, it shows me the person actually took the time to look at it to see if we’d be compatible instead of just thirst matching. i also appreciate when the person gets to know me as a person first before we move on to sexy talk

[Sl****]

Depends on the person and the mood at the time! You eventually click with someone and it will be hot. Just be you

[go****]

Talk to me like I’m your friend—because healthy dynamics are almost always forged that way. Human to human. And the really good ones take responsibility for the conversation right off the bat. You should lead the conversation the same way you would lead a dance. If I can’t trust you to manage a text convo, I’m not going to trust you to lead a scene, and certainly not an entire dynamic, if that’s of interest to you.

Most times, leading looks like a lot of initiation. A lot of conversation about consent, limits, fantasies. Making sure we’re both on the same page. Starting to build intimacy. Your goal is not to convince me to jump into bed with you. Your goal is to make me feel safe enough that I can’t wait to jump into bed with you.

[JD****]

I just do the (what i feel normal) "Hello, what you looking for? Im available if your looking to chat or more. Just name it and we can set something up". I get told a lot of horror stories as well lol. Kink to me needs to start with a conversation. Things get bad fast if there isnt an understanding.

[Deleted Member]

We're not going to teach creeps how to successfully approach us - and I don't mean you, I mean the ones that create the horror stories. The red flags they fly keep us safe and it is better to block a profile than to find out in person.
The only tip I will give you is don't rely on the AI messages, it shows zero effort