New Sub Tips?

[Al****]

I'm still new to exploring the world of BDSM and have a super attentive Dom, but I'm trying to break out of my shell and put into words what my desires and wishes are. I want to talk dirty and tell him how good it feels (when allowed to speak) without sounding like a parrot or repeating the same things over.

What have you found that helped get over the mental blocks?

[Foxxsil]

I do the same thing (he says great mouth words) and im over here a dang monk

[Pl****]

I've never cared what my partners say in the bedroom, so I don't have any specific advice here related to that, but I've coached a number of people that were dealing with anxiety about how they'd look or sound during various kinds of non-sexual performance. I've always told them the same thing. If you want to be great, you have to be willing to be terrible. You have to stop caring what you look or sound like and just do it. Then I take them somewhere private and make them perform the things they're worst at, and I make them keep embarrassing themselves in front of me until they're comfortable with how bad they sound. Once they've gotten over that, then it's time to work on getting better, but the point is that it's okay if you f*ck it up. We'd all love to be confident because we're so perfect at everything, but most people aren't, especially not at first. 

[SparkySparks]

Just a suggestion from an inexperienced person, try to explain how you feel in a metaphorical way, could be more descriptive than just saying it feels good. Example, "your touch is sending shockwaves of pleasure through my body" is how I would describe a sensual massage.

[Deleted Member]

It sounds to me that you are ‘needy’. In which you have a boyfriend that coddles you, not a dom. A proper sub is stable enough to be self sufficient emotionally, intellectually and physically....with enough left over to supply her dom. She (sub) exists to please him (dom), he will reward her by fulfilling her desires IF he deems she is worthy. So she must have the coping skills to withstand long periods of fulfilling him without herself being fulfilled. It sounds assholeish, but this is how the dynamic works. This is how you raise your house pets as well. My advice to you is to become totally self sufficient in work/life, please your dom on top of your self sufficiency him training you to that self sufficiency will be rewarding to both of you and he will offer you your desires as a result.

[Dr****]

So, as a Dom, there is a thing called negotiations.
You set limits, safe words, what you expect from situation, and what you interested or curious about.
Then as a Dom, they agree and respect your wishes. Help you grow and explore. Into the best version of you that you desire.
If they don't, then you as the sub, (who actually has all the power, til you let them take control) still have power to stop it though. If they don't listen, find a new TRUE Dom that knows what he's doing.
If you have any questions, feel free to reach out and I'll get you in touch with proper places to meet True Doms

[Ma****]

Write it down and tell them what you need to. Add that not being able to talk dirty to them is driving you insane. Any man or Dom should respect that you have needs also. Its upto when the Dom wants it to happen thats out of your control. Hope this helps

[Ch****]

Just say it. In this lifestyle openness and compromise is key.

[Ch****]

Talk before you get into the act though.

[Sa****]

It’s hard to be honest, one thing I found that helps is if my Dom and me will talk back and forth, not just me talking and slowly I do more of the talking.

[LanceH]

You might start with just asking please...it has a tendency to make him ask please what?
It may not be perfect, but it may be a start.

[Do****]

I’m new to this to sub / switch this is a great thread

[Deleted Member]

If he’s as attentive as you say. Then you should be able to have the conversation with him about it.. I say be loud, express how you’re feeling.. we all love to hear we’re making you feel good.
I love moans.. hearing how badly you need me..

[Th****]

20 hours ago, Walther said:

She (sub) exists to please him (dom), he will reward her by fulfilling her desires IF he deems she is worthy. So she must have the coping skills to withstand long periods of fulfilling him without herself being fulfilled

That, of course, is the definition that you use in your dynamic. As I am sure you are aware dynamics, definitions, and experiences vary for everyone.

There is no one true way. We all find our own way.

On 1/31/2021 at 9:15 PM, AlexNEmmalene said:

I want to talk dirty and tell him how good it feels (when allowed to speak) without sounding like a parrot or repeating the same things over.

Hi Alex,

It is a hard one to navigate for some. If you subspace verbalising may be harder than in your normal mindset. 

My sub and I have worked on this, I am sure if you respectfully ask your Dominant that you would appreciate any suggestions for ways you can express your appreciation in a more free flowing way he will be glad to help. We might be Dominants, but we are not immune to liking appreciation as well. 

It will get easier with time.

Edited February 1, 2021 by Thebian
spelling & grammar

[tr****]

Practice with friends when somthing good comes out ull rember to use it again