How I Became a Masochist

[Deleted Member]

This is a controversial take on a serious issue, and I know my experiences are not the same as others.

When I was in high school, I used to cut and punch myself. I really got off on the adrenaline rush.

When my parents caught me, I was put on *** watch in an institution. The counselors convinced me my self-harm was due to depression and suicidal ideation. I was depressed, like many ***agers are, but I wasn’t suicidal.

During my college years, with help from NIN’s Downward Spiral videos, I started missing that adrenaline rush. I eventually met a woman who introduced me to spanking (not just my butt), bondage, biting, scratching, and sticking things up my culo. I loved every minute of it.

My theory for why I enjoy the *** is I’m ADHD (and probably autistic, but I haven’t been tested), and the adrenaline balances the chemicals in my brain temporarily.

That said, cutting is bad, and my parents did the right thing by getting me help. However, I believe BDSM in a controlled, safe environment with someone you trust can help you heal.

[su****]

Bdsm can be healing but so far it’s been used as a sword on me instead. I look forward to seeing what healthy might look like one day.

[Deleted Member]

Audher here and also a special needs educator- yes , especially if you have some interoception issues. There's no healing; my brain just doesn't register *** like other brains.

[Ft****]

I have chronic *** and have had it as long as I can remember so I don't understand it the way others do, I find some stuff grounding in audhd and growing up I use to chew on whatever part was hurting so now I kinda use intentional *** to cope with other ***. I still chew on my bones to calm myself though 😅.

[Sa****]

12 hours ago, supergudgurl said:

Bdsm can be healing but so far it’s been used as a sword on me instead. I look forward to seeing what healthy might look like one day.

Sorry to hear this 🥲

[Deleted Member]

12 hours ago, supergudgurl said:

Bdsm can be healing but so far it’s been used as a sword on me instead. I look forward to seeing what healthy might look like one day.

So sorry to hear that . You live, you learn. Maybe it's a call for you to evaluate limits, boundaries, and rules so you fall less and less with the wrong people. Wishing you luck, sending you love.

[su****]

12 hours ago, basicbitch20 said:

Sorry to hear this 🥲

Thank you ☺️ it’s OK. I study safety heavily now and make community safety art and resources now.

[su****]

12 hours ago, Godessy said:

So sorry to hear that . You live, you learn. Maybe it's a call for you to evaluate limits, boundaries, and rules so you fall less and less with the wrong people. Wishing you luck, sending you love.

Thank you Ma’am. Oh I did and have for about year actually 💀 heavily heavily so. Didn’t go to one party for over a year for a reason for multiple reasons actually. Pretty much got passed around a friend group and treated like complete trash just so they could win a drama battle with someone who was powerful within the community. Now I make kink safety art / resources to help people like me so they don’t go through what I went thru. I’m just starting out speaking openly but I’ve been making resources for almost a year now in secret. Was still in a toxic relationship for that year while I was made to be completely silent about community ***.