What makes you feel safe and comfortable as a dom?

[Deleted Member]

I was thinking about the general concept of D/S and I realised I'm not sure I actually know enough about what sorts of things make dominant women comfortable and at ease. I do understand women aren't a monolith and that they're individuals but any input at all would be interesting food for thought.

So, what makes you feel safe and comfortable?

[Th****]

Only safely o9te

[Zis]

If the talking matches the actions!
Many subs are "lovebombing" with words but dont show consistency in their behavior. From my experience, i lose confidence in the connection to my sub if im not feel seen in my character. The dynamic becomes an act, and im losing interest.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, Zis said:

If the talking matches the actions!
Many subs are "lovebombing" with words but dont show consistency in their behavior. From my experience, i lose confidence in the connection to my sub if im not feel seen in my character. The dynamic becomes an act, and im losing interest.

Oh? Could you elaborate a little, please? What does that look like?

[Zis]

Uhm...like how?
Maybe this helps: A subs tells you that you are the greatest, most beautiful dom they have ever met, they can't live without you, even though they know you for ONE session. I understand that some love to fall deep and fast, but at this point it is not me, it is my position they are fallen for. So im replaceable and I dont like that...of course.

[Deleted Member]

Ahh, okay. I think I get what you mean. Thanks.

[typhoon2]

The know;edge that they wil safeword or otherwise raise issues without hesitation, rather than masking or ***ing negative consequences.

[ja****]

I’m retrospective no dom should actually feel comfortable and at ease because ultimately the power is given to them and if power is just assumed and taken by any dom it can be seen as *** and that’s where a lot of submissive women stand and men never open up to

[Gu****]

Hit me up sexy

[xX****]

6 hours ago, typhoon2 said:

The know;edge that they wil safeword or otherwise raise issues without hesitation, rather than masking or ***ing negative consequences.

This! Ive experienced too many subs that will mask because its too embarrassing or they feel it’s uncool to show emotion when they play

Which ultimately ***s me to drop them as a sub when I can’t get a proper read on them. It makes the play not only less enjoyable but potentially unsafe if I can’t gauge where the limits are

[xX****]

2 hours ago, jaws711 said:

I’m retrospective no dom should actually feel comfortable and at ease because ultimately the power is given to them and if power is just assumed and taken by any dom it can be seen as *** and that’s where a lot of submissive women stand and men never open up to

at ease doesn’t mean complacency though. someone can be at ease in this position through communication, not just assumed.

it’s up to the dom to coordinate and guide a sub

And it’s ultimately up to a sub to be clear with their limits.

Doms test those limits and push them for more but within that bubble of communication and consent.

I guess I’m asking to make sure I understand, are you saying that male subs want fem doms to bulldoze over that whole process of consent to ‘earn’ submission?

[La****]

Personally if they genuinely see me as a human, not a meat to satisfy their needs.
And how you’d know it only could be done thru long conversations and long vetting process (up to 3-6 months). People’s intention and true colors will always revealed by time.
Especially if it’s with a male sub, fdom needs to be really cautious. As any type of meeting could be a risk for us.
Personally, only when after I’m sure we create a good, stable bond—I could feel safe and comfortable to proceed more intense play.
People don’t deserves to share a sweet space and intimate moments with me if they don’t even respect me as a person.

[ja****]

15 hours ago, xX_waVey_Xx said:

at ease doesn’t mean complacency though. someone can be at ease in this position through communication, not just assumed.

it’s up to the dom to coordinate and guide a sub

And it’s ultimately up to a sub to be clear with their limits.

Doms test those limits and push them for more but within that bubble of communication and consent.

I guess I’m asking to make sure I understand, are you saying that male subs want fem doms to bulldoze over that whole process of consent to ‘earn’ submission?

Ultimately what it comes down it is a certain level of respect…….although the sub is to maintain that position the dom can’t and must not over step the boundary/boundaries that h ave been set in place………what I’m saying is the same boundaries and limits women love to put on men men can set those same boundaries……..let’s not forget men can be victims too

[xX****]

2 hours ago, jaws711 said:

Ultimately what it comes down it is a certain level of respect…….although the sub is to maintain that position the dom can’t and must not over step the boundary/boundaries that h ave been set in place………what I’m saying is the same boundaries and limits women love to put on men men can set those same boundaries……..let’s not forget men can be victims too

No worries I’m
Not forgetting that, consent is paramount. Regardless of gender

But that’s why I was confused by your first comment, why ease and safety for a dom makes a fem dom submissive. It made it seem like you were saying to be a domme you had to will a man to submit by ***, which I don’t agree with in this context

It’s not talked about enough, but consent means that both parties are comfortable not just the sub. The sub has control in the sense that they control the s***d of how much progresses or the intensity they can handle

and the dom/domme isn’t blowing past their own boundaries of communication to be sure that what’s happening isn’t crossing the line of what *isnt* play.

[MistressWhipplash]

Getting what I want when, when I want, how I want. Which I do so all is well.