How to ask about bdsm/shibari without it being weird

[b_****]

I’m fairly new at being a rigger, but I’ve always been fascinated by rope bondage and shibari, and have always wanted to dive into it. The issue I’m having is finding like-minded people that don’t mind being tied, and bringing it up in a manner where sex isn’t the primary intention.

Essentially, the way I want to bring it up is, but not in these exact words: “I would like to tie you up, and whether or not it’s sexual is entirely up to you”.

Any help from people within the community would be greatly appreciated!

[Tak1024]

There is a company that makes dolls that one can use to practice. Just look up shibari doll online. Not as good as a real person, but will help give you confidence in tying. These have a jointed "skeleton" so they act similar to a person.
Good luck.
Also, there is a studio here in Atlanta that teaches classes if you are nearby or decide to take a trip.

[Dr****]

What about finding a rope munch to try and find the like minded folks, then the question isnt awkward I guess.

Otherwise, what about making it more about exploring together. "Hey, so I am interested in rope play, but have never really tried it and want to explore it with someone who might be open minded to it. Because I'm new, its obviously more of a learn together type thing and I was hoping that we could do this together. Eventually, if things go right, maybe it could be something that is of interest in the bedroom, but right now, my focus is on learning the skills and making sure I'm taking care of you while we learn. What do you think"?

[La****]

I’d ask how do you feel about or have you ever heard of Shibari? If she says yes you can ask if she’s explored or if she likes and take it from there. If she hasn’t you can educate her and give her a brief and non overbearing definition/description of it as well.

[he****]

Bro lol you need better delivery. A lot of women dont want to be tied up by a stranger, think about it... i havent ever had issues finding women that like to be restrained but i typically wont even mention that until i meet them in person lol. Start with flirty comments about fuzzy handcuffs or something to keep it lighthearted and save the hog tied with zip ties and ball gag for another conversation

[b_****]

2 minutes ago, heisenbae said:

Bro lol you need better delivery. A lot of women dont want to be tied up by a stranger, think about it... i havent ever had issues finding women that like to be restrained but i typically wont even mention that until i meet them in person lol. Start with flirty comments about fuzzy handcuffs or something to keep it lighthearted and save the hog tied with zip ties and ball gag for another conversation

I obviously wouldn’t use that exact pickup line. Said so in my post. That’s simply an example

[Da****]

That sounds ideal to me.. lol. Sometimes there are local classes you can take. That might be fun to look into.

[ge****]

I'd recommend finding a rope class close to you - look on FL or Google it, they're a good way to both learn the skills and meet in a safe environment for all concerned.

[cellofello]

It depends very much on the relationship you have with the person you're talking to, and how well you know each other. Unless you have some reason to think they will be receptive, I'd go with a "plausible deniability" approach. E.g., "I saw that in a movie last week. I thought it really looked artistic, and since then I keep thinking I'd like to try learning to do that." If the other person is also interested, they can offer to partner with you. Maybe they'd even like to switch. But if they are not interested, they can decline your not-explicitly-an-offer without things becoming awkward by simply treating it as a general statement having nothing to do with them personally.

[ge****]

I just Googled your listed home city and "Shibari class" and looks like there are several in Knoxville which from what I can make out is pretty near

[Br****]

If you are on fet life there are regular newcomer classes and demos that come up for that and bunch of other things.

[ey****]

it's one of those things where a lot of people when they have evidence of tying people, get a queue of people who'd like to be tied.... but getting the first one...

so yep, absolutely. ***r Rope group. Local classes. Go to events in the community. So on.

One thing though..... just because someone would like to be tied, doesn't mean they should.  Whilst there's plenty you can learn as a rope top / rigger / etc - they also need to have knowledge as a rope bottom / bunny / etc.  Which, again, is where ***r classes come in handy. 

[No****]

Honesty is the best. I have found that people respond best when you treat them like they can handle what you have to say. If you’re interested in buying somebody up, just say you’re in the bondage. You’re in the rope play you do harnesses or you like to suspend. Just make sure that you’re talking to somebody that actually understands that you are not vanilla first.

[CJ_SilverQueen]

5 hours ago, heisenbae said:

Bro lol you need better delivery. A lot of women dont want to be tied up by a stranger, think about it... i havent ever had issues finding women that like to be restrained but i typically wont even mention that until i meet them in person lol. Start with flirty comments about fuzzy handcuffs or something to keep it lighthearted and save the hog tied with zip ties and ball gag for another conversation

Just the word Shibari brings on something completely different than handcuffs and zip ties. To the right person Shibari is higher level and super sexy. The challenge will be finding the right person. I would think finding a class, or a sub with experience would help tremendously. There are lots of YouTube vids you can watch and practice with in the mean time to get some basics in.

[Mi****]

I like the way you think, people here are searching for sex and in bdsm communities we don't search for sex, we search for experiences and to explore somethings. I totally understand you

[ChocolateRopeBunny]

Sounds like you would do best attending rope jams and rope classes. That's exactly what people attend those events want so it's not awkward.

[Si****]

Go to the local munches in your area (check fetlife), go to shibari classes (use the pickup threads to see if there are any seeking rope tops).

[Mim1666]

I love rope bondage

[Ex****]

I would love if we could watch one day! Teach me!

[ba****]

I would live to be tied up by you
100% yours

[To****]

I’d keep it simple and honest, without over explaining or leading with the fantasy too hard

From my side, I usually bring it up in a way that separates curiosity from expectation
Something like:
“I’m really into rope and shibari and I’m looking to practice in a calm, safe way with someone who’s also curious. No pressure for it to be sexual, I’m more interested in the rope side, communication and trust”

The key part is making space for them to say no comfortably, and not framing it like a pitch. People relax more when it doesn’t feel like there’s an outcome being pushed
Also, in my experience, the “not necessarily sexual” part is important but it doesn’t need heavy emphasis. If the trust and intention are clear, that usually follows naturally anyway

And honestly, the right people don’t need convincing. They either feel curious about it or they don’t