ko**** Posted Wednesday at 11:58 PM Hi, vanilla here. A quick question about contracts. I was in a romantic relationship with someone who was a practicing kinkster. Going to a dungeon regularly, events, etc. She was self collared. Still is. I accepted this and was very flexible, open minded, and tolerant. Eventually, they wanted to enter into a strictly "training dynamic" with someone. A lengthy contract negotiation ensued. My partner 1. asked for my permission to enter into this contract, which i granted and 2. sought my input for what would go into this contract. Based on this, i logically assumed I could ask to see the contract at any time. When i asked to see it a couple of months later, i was told a flat no by my gf. I was...very surprised to say the least. She said that that's not how it works. I cant see it. That made no sense to me since she sought my approval and input...on something i cant ever see?... My question for you knowledgeable people is: was she accurate? Am I, as her boyfriend/lover/partner, not able or allowed to see this contract? Is this normal/standard practice? Thank you very much in advance
DeviantInside Posted 22 hours ago There is no “normal” or “standard practice”. There is no legal standard so it is always purely subjective… this may or may not have been something decided by her and/or her Dom. There may have been any number of reasons they/he/she didn’t want to share it. But there is no hard and fast rule on it.
sp**** Posted 22 hours ago I believe she is doing what she is happy with knowing your not but still has feelings for you so she's trying to make the best of both worlds so y'all need to have a sit down talk and see where your relationship lies so you both can be truly happy whether it be together or apart
Tanith Posted 22 hours ago You allowed and accepted your partner to go into a BDSM contract. This contract is private between the Dom and Sub. Did you play together in the dungeon? If so, you should have an idea about BDSM. If you were worried about what happens in their private consensual dynamic, maybe you should have asked more questions before agreeing to it. I'm non mono. I have a primary partner. Im currently looking for a D/s dynamic. My partner knows this, accepts this, and also knows what happens in the dynamic stays between my Dom and I.
ko**** Posted 22 hours ago Author 9 minutes ago, DeviantInside said: There is no “normal” or “standard practice”. There is no legal standard so it is always purely subjective… this may or may not have been something decided by her and/or her Dom. There may have been any number of reasons they/he/she didn’t want to share it. But there is no hard and fast rule on it. thats not her dom. i was assured that this was strictly a training dynamic. he doesnt own her. i was assured that id still be the priority multiple times.
ko**** Posted 22 hours ago Author 4 minutes ago, Tanith said: You allowed and accepted your partner to go into a BDSM contract. This contract is private between the Dom and Sub. Did you play together in the dungeon? If so, you should have an idea about BDSM. If you were worried about what happens in their private consensual dynamic, maybe you should have asked more questions before agreeing to it. I'm non mono. I have a primary partner. Im currently looking for a D/s dynamic. My partner knows this, accepts this, and also knows what happens in the dynamic stays between my Dom and I. that's not her dom. thats why i said its just a training dynamic and i was assured that i would be the priority as her boyfriend. it was also not made clear to me that i couldnt see this thing ever.
DeviantInside Posted 22 hours ago 1 minute ago, konseannery said: thats not her dom. i was assured that this was strictly a training dynamic. he doesnt own her. i was assured that id still be the priority multiple times. Training dynamic would still be a Dom sub dynamic.
ko**** Posted 22 hours ago Author 9 minutes ago, sparta78272 said: I believe she is doing what she is happy with knowing your not but still has feelings for you so she's trying to make the best of both worlds so y'all need to have a sit down talk and see where your relationship lies so you both can be truly happy whether it be together or apart agreed. its worth noting that thats not her dom. i was assured that that wasnt about him owning her. just showing her the right way to practice bdsm so she knows what to look out for. hes married and has a sub.
ko**** Posted 22 hours ago Author 1 minute ago, DeviantInside said: Training dynamic would still be a Dom sub dynamic. thats not how it was explained to me. i was assured that this did not have anything to do with or involve ownership of her.
DeviantInside Posted 22 hours ago 3 minutes ago, konseannery said: thats not how it was explained to me. i was assured that this did not have anything to do with or involve ownership of her. Dom/sub doesn’t necessarily imply any sort of ownership.
ko**** Posted 22 hours ago Author 1 minute ago, DeviantInside said: Dom/sub doesn’t necessarily imply any sort of ownership. either way i was assured this was nothing more than a training dynamic. she assured me it was about learning and nothing else. no ownership. nothing. omitting a detail like not being able to see a contract that i approved and contributed to is pretty messed up dont you think?
DeviantInside Posted 22 hours ago Two things… I would say that things should have been discussed and communicated better… but I would also say you are less interested in opinions than proving yourself right.
ko**** Posted 22 hours ago Author Just now, DeviantInside said: Two things… I would say that things should have been discussed and communicated better… but I would also say you are less interested in opinions than proving yourself right. agreed there should have better communication. im interested in what the rules and guidelines are. but they seem to be fuzzy/ not strictly defined. so im reverting to what i was told and what was said between us.
cu**** Posted 22 hours ago Here's the thing no matter the dynamic no matter who claims to be the alpha bullshit whatever label they want to give themselves the only thing that matters is what feels right to you and you alone!!! you speak to your partner whatever Dynamic it is if you're a sub you're a dom any and everything in between. the relational contract is only between you and your partner and that's it, no one else! if you don't find something that works for you then you better pipe up say something or swallow it down there is no proper form there's no etiquette. what you need to do is listen to your heart and what you feel is right not with what someone else tells you. I'm so sick and tired of this society that everyone has to feel like they fall into some kind of stupid ass category. if you don't feel good doing something don't do it anymore. That's it simple. for the people who enjoy the surrender and enjoy getting commanded and told what to do that's for them they enjoy it so they will continue everything else is not consensual than it is time for someone to leave. Sorry soapbox rant
ko**** Posted 22 hours ago Author 1 minute ago, cunninglinguist0ne said: Here's the thing no matter the dynamic no matter who claims to be the alpha bullshit whatever label they want to give themselves the only thing that matters is what feels right to you and you alone!!! you speak to your partner whatever Dynamic it is if you're a sub you're a dom any and everything in between. the relational contract is only between you and your partner and that's it, no one else! if you don't find something that works for you then you better pipe up say something or swallow it down there is no proper form there's no etiquette. what you need to do is listen to your heart and what you feel is right not with what someone else tells you. I'm so sick and tired of this society that everyone has to feel like they fall into some kind of stupid ass category. if you don't feel good doing something don't do it anymore. That's it simple. for the people who enjoy the surrender and enjoy getting commanded and told what to do that's for them they enjoy it so they will continue everything else is not consensual than it is time for someone to leave. Sorry soapbox rant hah its okay. i can sense your frustration. thanks for the input...and validating my feelings.
BlueGrace Posted 14 minutes ago Contracts aren’t legally binding. When creating contracts in any relationship the contract must be given to everyone in the relationship. Preventing someone from viewing the contract is a red flag and usually indicates that something was placed in there without prior knowledge. I wouldn’t ever create a contract and not have a copy. If they refuse to show you the contract then that creates a trust issue and a relationship cannot sustain on trust issues. I would leave the dynamic over this.
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