ko**** Posted Wednesday at 11:58 PM Hi, vanilla here. A quick question about contracts. I was in a romantic relationship with someone who was a practicing kinkster. Going to a dungeon regularly, events, etc. She was self collared. Still is. I accepted this and was very flexible, open minded, and tolerant. Eventually, they wanted to enter into a strictly "training dynamic" with someone. A lengthy contract negotiation ensued. My partner 1. asked for my permission to enter into this contract, which i granted and 2. sought my input for what would go into this contract. Based on this, i logically assumed I could ask to see the contract at any time. When i asked to see it a couple of months later, i was told a flat no by my gf. I was...very surprised to say the least. She said that that's not how it works. I cant see it. That made no sense to me since she sought my approval and input...on something i cant ever see?... My question for you knowledgeable people is: was she accurate? Am I, as her boyfriend/lover/partner, not able or allowed to see this contract? Is this normal/standard practice? Thank you very much in advance
DeviantInside Posted Thursday at 01:14 AM There is no “normal” or “standard practice”. There is no legal standard so it is always purely subjective… this may or may not have been something decided by her and/or her Dom. There may have been any number of reasons they/he/she didn’t want to share it. But there is no hard and fast rule on it.
sp**** Posted Thursday at 01:17 AM I believe she is doing what she is happy with knowing your not but still has feelings for you so she's trying to make the best of both worlds so y'all need to have a sit down talk and see where your relationship lies so you both can be truly happy whether it be together or apart
Tanith Posted Thursday at 01:20 AM You allowed and accepted your partner to go into a BDSM contract. This contract is private between the Dom and Sub. Did you play together in the dungeon? If so, you should have an idea about BDSM. If you were worried about what happens in their private consensual dynamic, maybe you should have asked more questions before agreeing to it. I'm non mono. I have a primary partner. Im currently looking for a D/s dynamic. My partner knows this, accepts this, and also knows what happens in the dynamic stays between my Dom and I.
ko**** Posted Thursday at 01:24 AM Author 9 minutes ago, DeviantInside said: There is no “normal” or “standard practice”. There is no legal standard so it is always purely subjective… this may or may not have been something decided by her and/or her Dom. There may have been any number of reasons they/he/she didn’t want to share it. But there is no hard and fast rule on it. thats not her dom. i was assured that this was strictly a training dynamic. he doesnt own her. i was assured that id still be the priority multiple times.
ko**** Posted Thursday at 01:25 AM Author 4 minutes ago, Tanith said: You allowed and accepted your partner to go into a BDSM contract. This contract is private between the Dom and Sub. Did you play together in the dungeon? If so, you should have an idea about BDSM. If you were worried about what happens in their private consensual dynamic, maybe you should have asked more questions before agreeing to it. I'm non mono. I have a primary partner. Im currently looking for a D/s dynamic. My partner knows this, accepts this, and also knows what happens in the dynamic stays between my Dom and I. that's not her dom. thats why i said its just a training dynamic and i was assured that i would be the priority as her boyfriend. it was also not made clear to me that i couldnt see this thing ever.
DeviantInside Posted Thursday at 01:25 AM 1 minute ago, konseannery said: thats not her dom. i was assured that this was strictly a training dynamic. he doesnt own her. i was assured that id still be the priority multiple times. Training dynamic would still be a Dom sub dynamic.
ko**** Posted Thursday at 01:27 AM Author 9 minutes ago, sparta78272 said: I believe she is doing what she is happy with knowing your not but still has feelings for you so she's trying to make the best of both worlds so y'all need to have a sit down talk and see where your relationship lies so you both can be truly happy whether it be together or apart agreed. its worth noting that thats not her dom. i was assured that that wasnt about him owning her. just showing her the right way to practice bdsm so she knows what to look out for. hes married and has a sub.
ko**** Posted Thursday at 01:27 AM Author 1 minute ago, DeviantInside said: Training dynamic would still be a Dom sub dynamic. thats not how it was explained to me. i was assured that this did not have anything to do with or involve ownership of her.
DeviantInside Posted Thursday at 01:31 AM 3 minutes ago, konseannery said: thats not how it was explained to me. i was assured that this did not have anything to do with or involve ownership of her. Dom/sub doesn’t necessarily imply any sort of ownership.
ko**** Posted Thursday at 01:34 AM Author 1 minute ago, DeviantInside said: Dom/sub doesn’t necessarily imply any sort of ownership. either way i was assured this was nothing more than a training dynamic. she assured me it was about learning and nothing else. no ownership. nothing. omitting a detail like not being able to see a contract that i approved and contributed to is pretty messed up dont you think?
DeviantInside Posted Thursday at 01:36 AM Two things… I would say that things should have been discussed and communicated better… but I would also say you are less interested in opinions than proving yourself right.
ko**** Posted Thursday at 01:37 AM Author Just now, DeviantInside said: Two things… I would say that things should have been discussed and communicated better… but I would also say you are less interested in opinions than proving yourself right. agreed there should have better communication. im interested in what the rules and guidelines are. but they seem to be fuzzy/ not strictly defined. so im reverting to what i was told and what was said between us.
cu**** Posted Thursday at 01:42 AM Here's the thing no matter the dynamic no matter who claims to be the alpha bullshit whatever label they want to give themselves the only thing that matters is what feels right to you and you alone!!! you speak to your partner whatever Dynamic it is if you're a sub you're a dom any and everything in between. the relational contract is only between you and your partner and that's it, no one else! if you don't find something that works for you then you better pipe up say something or swallow it down there is no proper form there's no etiquette. what you need to do is listen to your heart and what you feel is right not with what someone else tells you. I'm so sick and tired of this society that everyone has to feel like they fall into some kind of stupid ass category. if you don't feel good doing something don't do it anymore. That's it simple. for the people who enjoy the surrender and enjoy getting commanded and told what to do that's for them they enjoy it so they will continue everything else is not consensual than it is time for someone to leave. Sorry soapbox rant
ko**** Posted Thursday at 01:47 AM Author 1 minute ago, cunninglinguist0ne said: Here's the thing no matter the dynamic no matter who claims to be the alpha bullshit whatever label they want to give themselves the only thing that matters is what feels right to you and you alone!!! you speak to your partner whatever Dynamic it is if you're a sub you're a dom any and everything in between. the relational contract is only between you and your partner and that's it, no one else! if you don't find something that works for you then you better pipe up say something or swallow it down there is no proper form there's no etiquette. what you need to do is listen to your heart and what you feel is right not with what someone else tells you. I'm so sick and tired of this society that everyone has to feel like they fall into some kind of stupid ass category. if you don't feel good doing something don't do it anymore. That's it simple. for the people who enjoy the surrender and enjoy getting commanded and told what to do that's for them they enjoy it so they will continue everything else is not consensual than it is time for someone to leave. Sorry soapbox rant hah its okay. i can sense your frustration. thanks for the input...and validating my feelings.
BlueGrace Posted Thursday at 11:47 PM Contracts aren’t legally binding. When creating contracts in any relationship the contract must be given to everyone in the relationship. Preventing someone from viewing the contract is a red flag and usually indicates that something was placed in there without prior knowledge. I wouldn’t ever create a contract and not have a copy. If they refuse to show you the contract then that creates a trust issue and a relationship cannot sustain on trust issues. I would leave the dynamic over this.
ko**** Posted Friday at 02:16 AM Author 2 hours ago, BlueGrace said: Contracts aren’t legally binding. When creating contracts in any relationship the contract must be given to everyone in the relationship. Preventing someone from viewing the contract is a red flag and usually indicates that something was placed in there without prior knowledge. I wouldn’t ever create a contract and not have a copy. If they refuse to show you the contract then that creates a trust issue and a relationship cannot sustain on trust issues. I would leave the dynamic over this. sure makes sense to me. i failed to mention that i was also assured that i could unilaterally cancel the contract anytime. so it made no sense to me that i was asked for permission......asked for input....told i could cancel it....and assured id remain the priority..... ..but not be able to see it? makes no sense. also...the variety of responses is...interesting to say the least..
Lo**** Posted Friday at 04:42 AM All of this makes no sense for me to discuss with strangers on a BDSM website 🥴 These are all questions you should definitely ask her. You don’t have to see a contract if you’re trusting her, seems a bit like there’s a lack of trust? Tell her every thought you posted here and update us about it😉 I’m curious about the outcome ✌️🌞 Good luck!
Ff**** Posted Friday at 05:51 AM Definitely sounds off. My take - they may feel that the contract is between the master and the slave.there is probably wording in the contract that was added without your knowledge- seems like this is the cause of the refusal by your gf. What was the duration of the contract?
ey**** Posted Friday at 11:15 AM Contracts can be quite personal to those involved. However... whatever is, or isn't, in this contract is something that shouldn't go against your own red lines on the relationship. You should have somewhat of a right to know the type of things they are or may be doing There is clearly a communication failure between you and her - especially if you're unsure what this "training" consists of - but, yes, she is in a relationship with this other person and how happy you are about this is up to you. If you feel there's too much you would never have agreed to then it may be right to end the relationship
BlueGrace Posted Friday at 02:11 PM 11 hours ago, konseannery said: sure makes sense to me. i failed to mention that i was also assured that i could unilaterally cancel the contract anytime. so it made no sense to me that i was asked for permission......asked for input....told i could cancel it....and assured id remain the priority..... ..but not be able to see it? makes no sense. also...the variety of responses is...interesting to say the least.. Anyone can leave a contract like this at any time because it’s not legally binding. People cannot *** partners to maintain the contract or stay with them. Since it isn’t legally binding you can leave it without any repercussions. I certainly wouldn’t maintain a dynamic with someone that refused access to it.
ko**** Posted Saturday at 06:52 PM Author On 7/24/2026 at 1:51 AM, Ff69b4 said: Definitely sounds off. My take - they may feel that the contract is between the master and the slave.there is probably wording in the contract that was added without your knowledge- seems like this is the cause of the refusal by your gf. What was the duration of the contract? i believe the "review" period to reevaluate it was 6 months from execution. which was roughly sometime in april. around there. so reevaluation would be in october or so. i should also add that i was assured multiple times that i could cancel the contract all by myself at any time.
ko**** Posted Saturday at 06:55 PM Author it censored you. what did you mean to say when you wrote "People cannot *** partners" yes i was told multiple times theyre not legally binding and that they could leave anytime. i was also told i could cancel it all by myself anytime i want. and thatd id remain the priority. and that it was just for training. not rooted in ownership. i was told all of this mulitple times. the....not being able to see it part? that was not hammered home to me like everything else was.
Recommended Posts